Discovered something I wish I hadn't :(

[Devastated77]

Hi

I am a newbie and I am sorry I'm leaping in without introducing myself but I have been looking for somewhere anonymous to discuss this as I am in shock, devastated and, as my username says: confused Apologies for long post.

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, living together for one year, all seems ok although the sex life isn't exactly sparkling. From time to time we've dabbled with videoing ourselves but it was (as he insisted and I believed) completely private. I am sure you can guess where this is going.

He hasn't made a secret of his email password and he asks me to access it occasionally if I need info, e.g. email receipts. He is at work all day today and I had to check something this morning - I ended up seeing an email from what looked like an adult site saying he had new mail. Curiosity got the better of me and I opened it - it wasn't spam as I'd hoped, he is a member: it was addressed to his username and a reminder of his password was at the bottom.

Needless to say, I couldn't help myself and it started a three hour frantic investigation of that site, other emails from a variety of adult/dating sites and all with evidence that he has been active on them since we have been together. I read some of the emails on one site, where he has been posting for five years: videos of him having sex with three of his exes, and emails back and forth between him and other site members exchanging pics and photos, including some of me

There was so much more - I know I should have stopped when it was obvious what I was seeing but I kept torturing myself learning more and more, clues that he was cheating on his last girlfriend and possibly even me. He's very definitely engaging in online flirtation and sex chat behind my back, as recently as two months ago. Comments he's made about me to other users, a total unripping of the lies he's told me about his previous sex life (ok, he wouldn't necessarily have admitted to this, but the way he has talked about his sex life with his exes is clearly a crock of s**t!)

I am still in shock I think, been crying on and off, pacing around and thinking how I am going to start confronting him. I'd already planned to go and stay with my family for a few days, leaving tomorrow, so that will give me head space, but I can't talk to anyone I know about this!! ((

Please please help, even if just to snap me out of the shock. He'll be back from work in 3 1/2 hours and I have no idea how I am going to deal with him.

Thanks for reading, sorry for long whinge.

[smackie9]

You can take that evidence and contact a lawyer. Find out if you can charge or sue him for posting pictures without your knowledge. But first Proceed to contact all his ex GF's and let them know that their private life has been posted on a porn site. Then confront him about it. Tell him that you have sot out legal counsel, and will be taking action. Tell him that you have already contacted his exes and suggested to then that they too seek legal counseling as well.

oh and change everything in his account so he can't have access to it to delete it. Remember to change the email to one he can't find. Copy paste all the emails that were sent to his address so that you have evidence that he was the one who set it up.

[smackie9]

You cannot post nude pictures of someone, without legal signed consent. He is in a lot of trouble. If I were you I would get on this asap. and start packing up your stuff and move back to your parents.

[cheekxs]

How can you know a person for that short and you already trusting them with all of that?

And how can he have naked stuff of you? did you collaborate with him to make pictures and stuff of you?
then i would say its your own fault and you are stupid!

And if you took more time and did more research about the guy before going that far with him, you could have know
what kind of sick pig he isl.
I think he dates girls , so he can make such a porn stuff for the website.
So i can only think that he is using you also for that.

And only if you break up with him immediately and go to the police about what he did with you(if he did it without you knowing he was making picture of you).
But if you are one of those stupid girls that will cry and go to parents house and soon be back with him, you can better safe the effort.
Cause he may take revenge on you for going to the police if you go back after reporting him

You can contact the website also and explain them.

And learn for once a lesson! Stop run into relationships that fast and give your pussy away and go live together that desperate.
without taking time to know what the person is about and who he really is out of that romantic and sweet talk bullshit.

I hope he have no hidden cams in your bedroom and bedroom filming you.

[cheekxs]

She can better not change the email.

cause that will make the evidence not valid!

they can easily blame her and see her as the one that did it.

you can better make screen shots and copy's as much of your can of the website and keep them in a map at your parents house for when you go to the police.

[smackie9]

He will delete the account anyways.....so ya screen shots of everything. and don't tell him anything as of yet. Get your evidence together first.

[smackie9]

Anyways he's been home from work like 3 hours ago....I wonder how things are going......

[Devastated77]

After typing all that and getting it off my chest I went away, had a good cry then felt really calm and just decided to pack his bags and confront him as soon as he got home. I was unbelievably calm actually, probably in shock but not as shocked as he was. He tried denying it then made some pathetic excuses but ultimately he's gone and I'm packing my own stuff now to get three days headspace. I'm sure I haven't heard the last from him yet but at least I can ignore the phone, ESP when it's a call from 'Lying F***tard'

Not getting the police involved as I just don't want the stress and humiliation but will be contacting his exes if I can. The first one had been split up with him for a year before the vids were posted, so he can't pretend she gave consent!

Thanks for the comments, cheekxs, you were particularly useful on what I should have done two years ago but clearly that wasn't the question I was asking. Still, it was kind if you to be so non judgemental as i was obviously very upset, and the way you didn't make any assumptions about me as a person or how I conduct all my relationships was especially thoughtful. I'll send all my friends and lived ones to you for empathic and considered advice in the future