apparent cheating

[staceylee]

my partner and i have been together for 12 months, i have a 4 year old child from a previous relationship. my partner and i have had alot of troubles over the past 10 months where he has got highly agitated over the smallest things ie me not going home from a friends when i said i would, leaving out details of who i have
seen or spoken to. he works in the mines so he is very rarely home which i believe is a contributing factor to our issues as we cant talk about them properly. i
recently was informed by one of his workmates that my partner is apparently dating the personal trainer that is on the site, my partner has in the past 3 months become obsessed with being in the gym and working out so much so that he has called me fat on several occasions as i havent returned to my pre baby size due to contraceptions causing weight gain. the past 2 months of my relationship my partner hasnt wanted to touch me or kiss me he no longer tells me he loves me or misses me while at work. i had a misscarriage 2 months ago and was really big on trying to talk about how it had upset us but he just informed me he never believed i was pregnant which crushed me deeply. now this apparent relationship on his work site has been going on for about 2 months as i was informed. i confronted my partner about it and he blew up at me saying he knew i would react this way but never actually denied it he said it was a camp rumour but still never said it wasnt happening, also when he is home he either takes off to the pub and doesnt come home till the next afternoon or he is on his phone all night messaging this girl. i am literally at my wits end i dont know what to do i love him so much and dont want to lose him but i cant raise a child in this environment, its also affecting my health severely ive been in and out of hospital with pain from stress i dont eat so i come close to fainting alot i dont sleep, im seeing a councellor myself to recieve help with dealing with issues about my child but my partner in no way is showing support with it. he is just down right cold. please someone i am desperate for advice or even just something i could suggest we do to help mend our fragile relationship.
thanks

[Boisdevie]

Been with partner 12 months.
Had troubles over the last 10 months.
Got pregnant 8 months into what seems like a shitty relationship.

Might I suggest your judgement is pretty flaky. My advice. Dump the guy - he is a total waste of space. Or continue with this crap relationship and think long and hard about your self esteem (or lack of self esteem).

[smackie9]

I'm sorry but Boisdevie is right. You are in this perdictament because of your poor choices. Take a step back, remove yourself emotionally and take a look at all the factors here. Like boisdevie pointed out, you have been having trouble in your relationship for 80% of it. Having a child with him would have never brought you closer together, you would have been stuck raise two kids on your own instead. Him questioning you where you have been and why you didn't call him is in now way him showing he cares about you...it's him being controlling and lacks trust in you. This fling, is just more convient to him....easy access to getting sex. So he is one shallow dip-shit, that has no intension of being your life partner and a father to your child.

I understand you are in shock, hurt and confused...and like anyone else would in this situation,your reaction to fix this. But you are not thinking clear here. It take two to repair the relationship and since he has been blowing you off and getting busy with this other woman, then there will be no resolution. Seek out support from, close friends and family. They will help you through this very difficult time.

[Cerby]

I'll also agree, I like to give constructive advice, but the only contructive advice here is to realize what is actually happening and leave. 12 month relationship with 10 months of problems? That isn't normal, a dispute once in a while happens, but 2 months in you need to be asking yourself "What am I doing here?"

There is no mending, you haven't been together long enough to have a strong base TO mend. The relationship has been a landmine pretty much from the beginning, and it is ready to finally blow up.

You love him, but it is one sided, and it isn't enough.

[cheekxxxs]

Been with partner 12 months.
Had troubles over the last 10 months.
Got pregnant 8 months into what seems like a shitty relationship.

Might I suggest your judgement is pretty flaky. My advice. Dump the guy - he is a total waste of space. Or continue with this crap relationship and think long and hard about your self esteem (or lack of self esteem).

This is what i was thinking also. And so there was not even 1 month that was great.
So why did you keep the bullshit?

And how can you know someone so short and you already having him in your home, sleep with him, get pregnant, and
also have him around your child?

I think you are one of those people with low self esteem that love to cause their own problems so
they can get attention!
Cause you talk like this is something that you could not prevent and like its the biggest drama ever.

I think you need to work on your self esteem and stop depending on a men!
And make your kid your priority.

Read some dating books, instead of jumping around with dudes that you barely know.
That can be of great danger for your kid.
You say you are looking for help for your kid. I guess your kid have some issues..
So how can you be like that with a kid that need special help?
You suppose to be smarter then a mom that have kids that dont need that kind of help!
And you talk like you can safe this thing, like he is that good. or you are in a 1000 years relationship.
Wake up!
Stop dating and looking for men and work on your self and self esteem!

[staceylee]

i have known him for about 3 years and we always were able to communicate fine then and he has helped with my son when its needed.
the issues my son has are because his father moved interstate with his wife and barely sees him now so hes very confused im getting him help to stop him thinking its his fault.
my self esteem was always quite high as over the years i learnt how good a person i really am when i allow friends family or anyone close enough to know me, i only have barriers up as i have had some horrible experiences with strange people. my partner was informed due to an infection he sustained about 2 and a half years ago that it would be unlikely he could ever have children so we never used protection thinking the doctors were right, turns out there was a chance. i spoke about this all with my best friend and she agrees with you all that i need to piss him off, i have decided im going to try one last time to use the time he comes home for us to really try to work things out as adults with no screaming or yelling and then if it doesnt work then thats it

[Boisdevie]

Good luck. In the meantime work out an exit strategy for you and your son so that if it goes tits up you're not in the poop.