No Contact advice

[tjfable]

Well I will hold my hands up straight away and say its very early days, 2 days as from tomorrow since I started the NC, I have put the full story in the love advice forum if you are interested.

I really am not sure if NC is the right way to go about this but would really appreciate a womans view on it.

Went I sent the NC I got no reply but I guess I should of expected that I mean after all I had just said I didn't want her to contact me, its so hard to stick to it, i'm just a little confused as this girl said she thought I was amazing, she really likes me and was so happy I came into her life !! her last text to me just said ' I will miss youxx very much xx .... so why is this not bothering her that we haven't spoken for 2 days , we have spoken pretty much allday everyday since we meet, and granted we wasn't in a relationship as such we was dating but it was as good as a relationship with how it was all going, all I know is she is amazing and I would love to get this back on track. Am I doing the right thing with NC or because we had not been seeing each other long should I be fighting to change the situation ?

[tjfable]

Hmmm so heres the latest , I got a text from her today its only really 2 days into the no contact she just said 'hey x are you still not talking to me', I'm not sure what I make of this , is she simply just testing me out ? Do I respond if so how ? I've read a few things on the no contact rule and they suggest that if she contacts me then I shouldn't ignore her if the goal is to try and reconcile down the line.

[Maple1714]

Need more details...why did you guys stop talking in the first place????

[tjfable]

Basically she got really hurt by her ex before he used to mentally abuse her putting her down all the time and things like that he then cheated on her which is why she finished it with him that was a few months back.
Now things were going really well with us she would tell me all the time she thought I was amazing how lucky she felt to have me in her life always complimented me said she really liked me, I was the same back to her because I genuinely really like her. Then she just turns round and says she can't carry on with this its how it started with her ex but she was in my position, she said although she doesn't know for sure what she wants , she just knows she doesn't want to hurt me like she got hurt.

Anyways further update she sent me another text saying she thought I was being really melodramatic about it all and didn't understand why I was so bitter, imagine if she had done this a few months down line what would of been like then, she was hoping we could remain friends but obviously not she wished me all the luck in the future, thats how her text went.
I did reply to this one saying it wasn't a case of I wasn't talking to her or didn't want to talk to her but just felt we could both do with some space to sort out what we want and let the dust settle rather than argue, I explained I didn't hate her and understood why she done this (even though I dont) but remaining friends for me would be difficult as I wouldn't want to be around if she got into a relationship with someone else. She replied something like " I understand, Take care".
Later that night we had a convo on the phone going over and over it, she repeated that she really liked me and thought I was amazing but just couldn't risk hurting me and the more time she spent with me the closer she was feeling to me , I just said I didn't want to keep going round in circles having this discussion, anyways the phone call ended ok I changed the subject to her law exam that she was studying for and after 10 minutes we ended the phone call.
I did send her a small text today just saying good luck as her first exam was this morning got a reply saying "thanks babe x " neither of us have contacted each other since.
I really don't know what this all means one part of me does understand she was really hurt by her ex and believes it when she says things about liking me and can see where she is coming from about ending it and maybe being friends could lead to something in the future once she has dealt with her emotional baggage, the other part of me just feels like I was used to boost her self esteem and make her feel better about herself so I should just go and not look back, very difficult to know whats for the best.

[Cerby]

For me: No Contact for ~430 days.

What did happen since then:
Newer, better Girlfriend
Happier in general
No longer feeling manipulated/treated like a second best to everyone else
Higher self-esteem

what didn't happen:
Contact, she never contacted me again.


No contact is NOT a method to get someone back, it is a method to move on. You're using it like a tool to fix this girl's head, when the reality is that it really doesn't do anything to the other person. NC is about an "out of sight out of mind" approach to getting over someone. Don't fool yourself here, just use this chance to move on.

[Boisdevie]

Have to agree with Cerby. This whole no contact is not a game, it's not a set of rules, it's all bullshite. My GF told me in March she no longer wanted to see me. Since then I've seen her just once to pick up my stuff and that's it. No more contact at all because there is no point. I have moved on and now have a shiny new girlfriend. Do the same.