need help and advice :(

[Tarrer]

Hello there. I'll try to sum this up in as little as i can. Just need help!

Me and my bf of a year and a half split on sunday (19 aug) we have lived together for over a year.. the reason we split was my fault, i know people do blame themselves but ill try and help you understand. I am 20 years old, he is 19, I love him with all my heart and know he feels the same.
We split after an argument got out of hand (no violence though) by words. i initiated the argument, which 9/10 i do. i don't want to argue with him but i think on things that are never relevant and after a while they become worse (i over exaggerate and explode) i cant control it and just say to myself im being stupid and is it really worth it?
i dont listen to myself and regret it once its done which is wrong i know. this is what happened on sunday, i asked him if he wanted to be with me and he asked me to leave him alone for a bit. which i didnt as i kept repeating the question resulting in him getting angry and telling me he didnt. i shouldnt have been so insistent with him:/ when i was packing my things up he said he didnt want this to happen, he loved me and he always would but he cant be with me. ill never forget them words as now im hoping and praying for reconciliation. just about 3 days later here i am without hearing a word.
i have text him twice (yesterday and earlier) but no reply:/ is this because he needs time or just doesnt want to know anymore. i was close to his mum so have asked her ho he is and she said quiet and that he just stayed in the night we split which is unusual as he usually sees a friend for a bit who lives up the road. hes very outgoing.

we have been through alot together these past few weeks..
hes been in a car accident, his granddad passed away and his mum has been ill.
i suppose me arguing with him for no reason made him reach breaking point. i text im to say that i am deeply sorry for what i did that day and that i loved him and couldnt imagine my life without him.

despite splitting twice, we were very happy. we went out together we trusted each other and we were our complete selves around each other. play fighting, meaning less banter between us which was full of laughter.. we enjoyed and hated the same things, so much in common i couldnt believe it.

this has all happened once before about a year ago where we split for 4 days and didnt speak for 3. but i dont want to compare this to the last time as im getting all hopeful.
like i said, he told me he didnt want to split and he loves me but he just couldnt be with me. i suppose i pushed too many buttons yet again.
all i need is just some advice.. is he just taking time from not speaking because he needs space? is there hope for us?

any advice is very much appreciated, i just need some reassuranceand support. i will keep updated if anything changes.. thankyou for takin the time to read this.

[Boisdevie]

If you keep picking pointless arguements then it's going to piss him off isn't it? It would piss most people off. So you need to work out why you are doing this. And try to stop it.

[Tarrer]

i know it does.. and sometimes i did manage to control and stop myself from speaking out of line. but i obviously didnt stop myself enough.
i found a counseller i can speak to, going to make that step tomorrow, hopefully they can shed the light. i know i have no right to say any excuse is acceptable right now but i was hurt in the past, its not fair to be taking it out on the people i love. so im hoping and praying this will change how i deal with things and hopefully work my way forward to a reconciliation.

[FindMeASoulmate]

This happens sometimes when we a comfortable but then get uncomfortable which knowing why. You probably knew what the end result was going to be but then did it anyway. Look perhaps for a deeper underlying issue about maybe why you don't feel comfortable when things are going well. I used to do this as well in different forms but not necessarily picking an argument and in the end it lead to uncovering deeper issues about trusting myself.

Take the space away while you are away from him to if this is a pattern as it doesn't seem like a one off if you have done it 12 months ago. The question is why?

[Tarrer]

i can understand what your saying, i would love to know myself:/
im taking the time out and trying to keep myself busy to give him his space. i dont want to pester him..
im not going to give up on him, his mum contacted me to say that he is not himself, he's been very quiet and keeping himself to himself, which is unusual as he does have a lot of friends and sees them very often.
i suppose i could see it as this is him thinking. i'd like to keep myself positive atm, and keep hoping. i know space apart can sometimes do the world of good as it gives chance for both sides to rethink their decisions and actions and take it upon themselves to fix it and prevent it from happening again.
we are both very stubborn, although i have expressed how sorry i am. maybe hes in the same boat as me and doesnt want to make the first move..

[Ange Barnes]

Get yourself sorted first (ie counselor, space...) before making any other move. It's a much more 'attractive' position to be in... and in time you will both realise that - whether you are meant to be together or not.