It helps to know the background of our tale. Atypical high school sweethearts story, we met our senior year, had a great friendship. I never planned on dating her, or dating at all my final year of high school, but as I got to know her, l had fallen for the warm-hearted and intelligent person she was. It's funny though, because on the outside, a lot of people would describe her as school-oriented and a bit cold-hearted. I guess it just took a little effort, but I managed to open her up in a new way. I'd never been attracted to a girl like this before so I went for it! I made my feelings clear and she admitted to feeling the same way. Easy, right?
She admitted that she was hesitant to start a relationship because at the end of the school year, she was going to visit family for basically, the whole summer. We wouldn't be able to see each other, so she was worried it would hurt too much or end badly. Anyway, it wasn't going to hold me back from showing my feelings, so I got her the usual for Valentine's day to show it wasn't over. Fast forward to prom night and we shared our first kiss. Fast forward again to after graduation and the day she was going to leave was approaching fast. To make our last moments memorable, we spent nearly every day in the weeks leading up to the fateful day, talking on the phone, going on dates, etc. Basically, we were in the most unofficial relationship ever, everybody knew it, we were okay with that.
Before she leaves, she had said she was worried about leaving me alone because some of my friends are questionable in their behavior and sometimes they can convince me to come out and party with them (which involved drinking, girls and such, etc.) but I'd never betray her trust. This wasn't her kind of scene so she disapproved of it. While she understood I need some time with my friends, she didn't want me getting into any trouble. I bought her a nice silver necklace to prove my sincerity and feelings for her. I decided I was going to wait for her!
We kept contact throughout. But, about half way through the trip, she stopped replying. The day comes when she was supposed to come back, but I wasn't sure entirely when. So I waited. Two days after she was supposed to be back, she texts me letting me know she was back. Then she tells me she was tired and needed to sleep. Again, given the extensive flight, understandable.I give her space because she probably wanted to be with her family here who she hadn't seen, plus she likes to sleep. Anyway, I text her a couple days later, I was hoping setup an arrangement to see her. I was so excited, but during the conversation, she tells me she needs to be alone and I asked if I could do anything, she says no and that was it. I tried again a couple days later and I get a similar response.
I was getting concerned, so I ask if I did anything wrong, she simply says no. I was not ready to give up just yet though, I pressed to see if she would say anything, but she wouldn't budge. Something was on her mind and very wrong, but she wouldn't tell me. She told me to not get involved at all. Now, before she had left, we were basically best friends. Talked everyday, we could talk about everything. So this came as a shock that she didn't want to come to me about whatever was causing her pain.
Then that's when she added, she just wanted to be friends now. This was nothing short of the worst summer of my life... I had no idea how to respond besides I need at least a reason for why whatever it is that you are going through is suddenly changing how you feel about me. A while later, she tells me she simply didn't want to be in a relationship in college because it would hold her back. Oh and we are both going to the same university.. On top of an already steaming pile, before she left, she said she wanted at least one class together, which at the time was cute and something I wanted too. Well guess what? I rearranged my schedule and we have it together.
The first time I saw her, by complete accident was in the class, when I saw another friend and as I went to sit by him, I noticed her sitting right behind me. This was the first time we had seen each other in 2 months... and the first thing she says is, well this is awkward. In my mind I literally said this (Thanks for at least trying I guess? Seriously, wtf.) I'm a bit sarcastic, lol... Anyway, I tried to play it off and say nahhh not really, only if you make it awkward! We didn't say a word to each other after that. Now, we have a similar circle of friends from high school here, so we have bumped into each other, but it's been nothing short of awkward for everyone involved or near us. People who don't know us could probably feel the tension.
Anyway, I've never been so blindsided by anything in my life. I still have feelings for her.. But she thinks we are done with that, she just wants to be friends, and in the moment, I literally at a loss for words. At best, I muttered an empty okay, fine.. I'm just so confused, she can move on dealing with her life like nothing between us ever happened. We go from being so close to literally nothing between us besides avoiding glances. I need another perspective... Is she really just done with it like that? I'm trying to build the courage to talk to her again, just so I can try to find some closure and either end things for good or try to patch it up. I've always been an understanding and compromising guy.. I guess that caused me to force myself to believe I could handle just being friends or just ending it over her text messages, but I've realized now that I can't. And it isn't right by any means... I want to tell her that we need to pull each other aside and talk in person about this. There's no way I'm letting her off that easy.. I'm just so devastated, I can't seem to find the strength.
So, as a lonely and now desperate guy who is losing his mind, I come to you for help. I needed other perspectives... fresh points of view. What should I do? Is there anything obvious that I missed? Because I honestly have no clue where this came from and definitely didn't see it coming.. She's told me things before she left like she wrote in my yearbook that she hopes to know me through college and hopefully beyond then. But now we can't even face each other.. Was it my fault for getting my hopes up? Could I have done something better? What's the outlook for us look like? Anything will help.. All thoughts are appreciated.