Hi,
I have been married for 9 years and have 3 gorgeous children with my wife. After the birth of our second son (3 years ago now), my wife started becoming more distant and at times would become very angry with me over what seem like trivial things.
My wife also stopped saying those three magic words (I love you) spontaneously and although I still say it to her every day, multiple times, I would only get 'and you' in response. These days she mostly ignores me when I say it, though if I directly ask her the question 'do you love me?' she looks irritated and says 'don't be silly' or 'you know I do', but still won't actually say it, even if I ask her to repeat the words.
My wife will not talk about her feelings. I have suggested going to relationship counselling but she says 'don't be silly' and if I say 'do you think our relationship is OK?' she says 'yes' and when I say 'well I don't think it is' she says 'well go and be with someone else then if you are not happy'.
Before having our third child I said I wanted her to see a doctor as I was worried she may have post natal depression. After much tactful (as I could manage) persuasion she did agree to go. The doctor did a questionnaire and said she may have depression but just gave her a list of numbers for counselling services and to come back if that didn't help. Of course I could not persuade her to go back or follow it up. Her mood however did seem to lift and we were getting on better and agreed to have out third and final child.
Now things are bad again. I worry she will leave me. I am not sure I can take it if she did. I have talked to my GP who thinks she is probably just a tired Mum who is struggling with the normal pressures of bringing up three children under 5. He also thinks I am over anxious and being too needy and that once the children are older things will return to normal.
Now I an not sure what to think. I feel guilty that I may be causing her to have this low mood. I feel upset when she is being nasty (I think 'how can you be so nasty and hateful if you really loved me'), I am terrified she will leave me.
I try and be a good husband, I help overnight with the baby even when I'm working. I always see to the older boys if they wake at night. I do what I can around the house in the evenings and at the weekends. I'm not even sure if it is anything I'm doing or if she just hates ME now as she won't talk to me about why she is being nasty.
I think 'She can't love me anymore, she is just building up the courage to leave me'. Then I think, why would she have had a third child with me and be making plans to move abroad with me if she didn't love me? But then maybe she hasn't admitted to herself that she no longer loves me. Or maybe I'm just screwed up in the head like the GP said and should stop creating problems that aren't there and grow a pair and deal with the moods.
Any advice on how this looks from 'the outside' would be gratefully received.