Friends With Benefits, Or Something More?

[MissMaya]

All right, it may be a bit early to be trying to sort the answer to this out, but I'm gonna try anyway.

I'm a 19 year old young woman and I met a 23 year old guy through a dating website. The site offers services for serious dating, and for simple hookups. He didn't have which one he was interested in specified.

Basically, here's what happened:
We clicked on the website through messages, and decided to meet up for coffee. The date went fantastically well, with us talking and sharing music and having a good time for several hours.
The next day, I asked if he'd like to hang out again, and without hesitating he said yes. We went on a walk, then went to his house and played video games for a while, and spent the afternoon and evening just generally having fun, laughing, goofing around, etc.
I ended up staying the night, and you can guess what that implies happened.

The next morning we both got up and I went with him to take care of some stuff for college, and then we had breakfast together and spent time at the park. He introduced me to a bunch of his friends, and we literally spent nearly the entire day together, from when we woke up at 6 a.m. to when I had to leave at 7 p.m. All the while, he was affectionate (hugging, putting his arms around me as we're standing, linking arms as we walk, etc), and he left his friends to walk me to the bus station. Before I got on the bus, he hugged me for a reasonably long moment, then initiated a kiss. He continued to text me throughout the evening and suggested we do something the next day. To make a long story short, we've hung out a couple of times since then, though we haven't had sex. (We've been suggestive and teasing, though.) He texts and calls me often, without it being a ton, and asks questions about how I'm doing and what I'm up to.

Here's the kicker, though. In spite of all of that, I can't get a read on what he's looking for. He is a natural flirt, and a couple times (in context) he's made comments like "relationships don't ever last", and has mentioned that he hasn't had very many serious relationships (basically something along the lines of "I can count the number of relationships I've had on two hands still. I can't even begin to count the number of people I've been with though.")

I've got the beginnings of a crush, since he's a lot of fun and I'm highly attracted to him, but I don't know if this is just going to be a friends with benefits situation, or if he wants something serious or not. I haven't had the stones to ask him to define what he's looking for, mostly because I just don't want to scare him off by asking this early (it's only been about a week), and I don't want to put any pressure on him at all.

I've done my best to be flirty, and have made it clear that I enjoy his company immensely without being clingy, needy, or too forward.

What do you guys think? Does he think I'm just easy and wants to keep me around for the sex? Or could he be interested in more? Like I said, I know it's a little soon to be worrying about it, but if it's purely sex I want to be able to nip this crush in the bud before it goes too far, so I can keep my feelings in check rather than making the FWB awkward or painful.

All opinions are welcome.

[haxan]

Well, if it's just for the sex, he won't have much interest doing other things with you. Maybe dinner here or there, if he's hungry. If he's still spending lots of time with you though and treats you special when you're out, then it's not just for the sex.

BTW, if the sex thing is all important to you, it's probably better to assess the situation before you wriggle off your panties.

[cheekxs]

I ended up staying the night, and you can guess what that implies happened.

What did happen then?? Cause you say there is no sex but what do we have to guess implies happened?

And i dont support dating sites and relationships and stuff that much.
Cause its full of creepy people with only one intention.
Less good.

Abd you are very fast in putting yourself in strange situations and with strangers.
And even close your eyes next to them. and stuff.

So in that case you can be worry. Cause you may have been acting to much like a easy girl.

And every time you feel doubt, just ask the guy straight up. and after that make your own judgement.
So just ask him what is his intentions.

Maybe the site is just a place for him to get a girl to do fun stuff and sex with.

If you dont ask you will never know.

[smackie9]

Just because you would like a relationship doesn't mean it's going to happen, whether you have slept with them or not. He is not acting like it's FWB, I'd say he genuinely likes you and like Haxan mentioned, he wouldn't put all this effort in if he wasn't. Everything seems to be going great, but sure even under other circumstances, that can change. That is what dating is all about....you never really know what it's going to turn into....only time will tell. Dating is never risk free, so stop worrying about it.

[IndiReloaded]

At 19, I wouldn't much worry about it. This is not likely the guy you will marry. Are you in college, a job? Stay focussed on your other activities and, if you are unsure what this guy's intent is, just go slow. When the time is appropriate (you'll know), just tell him what you want and ask him the same.

One of the hardest lessons of young adulthood (especially women) is learning to ask for what you want. Good luck.

[Sunlight]

So do you know what is hilarious about this Maya?

"Does he want a relationship, or does he just want sex?" ha ha ha

What do you want? A relationship? Well, how would he know that? Have you told him? He can't read your mind any better than you can read his. You tell him what you want. That is absolutely the best chance you have of getting what you want!

You don't know what he wants, because he hasn't told you what he wants. So does that mean you're just happy with what ever he decides he wants if he ever gets around to telling you?

It shouldn't mean that my dear. You should know what you want. It sounds like you do know - you want a relationship. Then that is what you should tell him. If he wants you in a relationship, good If not, good! You had a delightful week, that's that, and now you can stop spending time with him that could be spent finding a man who wants a relationship with you.

A nice way to tell him what you want would be to say something like,

"I've had a great time meeting you (now say his name). I've been a little swept off my feet, which has been really fun, and I like being in a relationship. I don't know you well enough yet to know if you're fun for more than a week (this is important Maya, say this - it makes you sound light hearted, funny, and cool all at once), but I'd like to find out if you're fun for a month. Do you want to give it a try?"

Now he knows if he wants to be with you, he has a little challenge. He must tell you he wants to be with you, and then show you. Guys like challenges. We Love to prove how awesome we are. We like and respect women who give us a challenge!

If he doesn't answer you in a way that you feel means he wants a relationship (at least for the next 3 weeks), then Don't Go Home With Him. And Don't Let Him Invite Himself To Your House. After you part ways following this conversation, do not call him. Do not talk on the phone to him longer than about 2 minutes unless he tells you in some way that he wants a relationship with you. If he doesn't say this within 2 or 3 calls, stop answering, and don't reply to texts.

He's tried it with you for a week. He knows if he wants to invest the next 3 weeks in you or not.

If you are going to feel weak and guilty if you have sex with him now without him telling you he wants a relationship with you, then just don't let it happen. It's OK. You are beautiful, smart, funny, and cool enough that he wants you - you know this because he's hanging out with you and he took you to bed already. That's alright, it sounds like it was fun for you too

You want a relationship. Stick to that. Choose what you want grasshopper, and get it.