On a road trip and the sexual tension is driving me crazy!

[Wakeup]

You can't withhold, or for that matter dish out, pussy, to make a guy stick around. Doesn't work that way sweetheart. We might bed you after the first dinner date and spend the rest of our life with you, or wait around for 6 weeks to see what it's like and not call back the next day.

Hope it works out for you, but the way you went about it will have meant nothing. Just so you know.

You're not getting it... and I suppose You never will. It's not about YOU or men in general and what they will and will not do after sex. It's about Us (as women) and how we feel about ourselves after the wild and passionate sex we've been waiting to have with you. (the general you)

Women who respect themselves, those who are of healthy self-worth and who know what they want take the time to get a feel for who they are attracted to and are feeling confident with to the point that if the guy does disappear the next day then at least we know we were doing it with someone who we respected and felt safe with.. no expectations, no regrets.

I get the fact that women try to employ a defense mechanism against getting played, but you have to develop good people judgement at some point. Inject a little common sense in understanding that having some time frame, or playing games about being intimate can make men as disinterested as they were interested and question your makeup as a person in general.

A two week road trip is simply enough time for some women to get to that point and is not nearly enough for others. The bottom line is if you are actually into the gal for more than sport ****ing, then you will indeed wait. That very dance has been going on for thousands of years... Even before church and state deemed it inappropriate for the man to be married to more than one woman.

In any case - she feels more comfortable waiting, so she waits. No harm done.

Absolutely!

[Wakeup]

Further to above:

I think that the women who sleep with me clearly have very good taste.

I'm sure they're rightly attracted to you.. If they'd do you when they were'nt well then that's rather like some kind of fixation... it's certainly not being discerning.

And having sex with someone is one of the important ways of getting to know someone.

No it's not... One night stands are hardly about getting to know what makes someone tick. Sex is just sex if that's all you have with one another.

Geez, she's spent hours in a ****ing car, day after day, with this guy. Presumably by now she'd have a pretty good idea about who he is? But no, she's started to play games.

She's just doing the dance. I'm sure you've been a dance partner to this before.. you probably barely noticed in your own excitment and interest in the girl who you sub-concsiously realized was, in fact, offering you more than just sex.

[Boisdevie]

She's just doing the dance.

I'm 48 years old so I've been around the block and never in my adult life has a woman done this kind of 'dance'. Taking it to the edge of sex and then backing off just strikes me as plain wierd. How would she feel if he took her to the edge and then backed off? She'd probably be pissed off or perhaps confused.

And I talked about sex as part of getting to know somebody. I did not have one night stands in mind because that's just ****ing for fun and nothing to do with developing a serious relationship. If you want to have a serious relationship then sexual compatibility is pretty bloody important.

[IndiReloaded]

Taking it to the edge of sex and then backing off just strikes me as plain wierd. How would she feel if he took her to the edge and then backed off?

Depends. If she wasn't ready or second thoughts chimed in through the hormone haze, then end of. If you can't respect that, then you don't belong w/that person.

In this case, tho, she seemed willing and ready. So waiting as a tactic is just silly, then I agree w/both you & Haxan. But your generalization is disturbing. Are you divorced, Bois? Your age is irrelevant, you may be experienced, but doesn't mean your attitude works for you generally if women leave you b/c of it.

[Boisdevie]

But your generalization is disturbing.

How so - please elaborate.

[Wakeup]

I'm 48 years old so I've been around the block and never in my adult life has a woman done this kind of 'dance'.

How many of the woman that you've been with have you actually gone onto have a long lasting, reciprocal relationship with that entailed more than casual sex?

Taking it to the edge of sex and then backing off just strikes me as plain wierd.

It's called "making out" and it's damn exciting for both people involved. Eventually, I suspect they will go all the way.

How would she feel if he took her to the edge and then backed off?

You'd have to ask her that however if it were me, and because men don't normally hold back on a sure thing, then I'd think he was feeling guilty about something. It would certainly open up a dialogue about things for sure. There's never anything wrong with open and honest communication.

She'd probably be pissed off or perhaps confused.

If she thinks like you do about this subject, then I suppose she would. I think most women think differently then men do about this subject.

And I talked about sex as part of getting to know somebody. I did not have one night stands in mind because that's just ****ing for fun and nothing to do with developing a serious relationship. If you want to have a serious relationship then sexual compatibility is pretty bloody important.

Yes, sexual compatibility IS very important but that hasn't much to do with when you have sex but rather more to do with how much you enjoy it with one another as far as I can see.

[smackie9]

IMO the period of "sexual tension" the working up to, the build up of desire, the teasing, flirting, the pulling and pushing..... it's exciting, and fun. It makes the end result a more satisfying experience. You don't like the "dance" then you are boring.

[IndiReloaded]

How so - please elaborate.

I already explained. What part is confusing you?

Actually, Wakeup covered it pretty well. Perhaps her explanation will clarify things for you.

[vashti]

I am in dire need of a vacation like this.

[haxan]

Women who respect themselves, those who are of healthy self-worth and who know what they want take the time to get a feel for who they are attracted to and are feeling confident with to the point that if the guy does disappear the next day then at least we know we were doing it with someone who we respected and felt safe with.. no expectations, no regrets.

I get what you are saying exactly. I'm simply telling you that when two well adjusted people are starting a relationship, and the time is right to take it to the next level, you take it to the next level. When a female (or male for that matter) starts artificially inserting timelines or milestones that must be met to take it to that level, it reeks of insecurity and instability.

You interpret that as a female's prerogative, and if he doesn't comply he wasn't worth it. A male may interpret that as an insecure person, someone with baggage and issues who isn't worth investing time in and become disinterested.

Six in your half, a half dozen in mine.

Use your good judgement, common sense and brains if you have them.

[haxan]

IMO the period of "sexual tension" the working up to, the build up of desire, the teasing, flirting, the pulling and pushing..... it's exciting, and fun.

I agree with that 100%, however there's not an endless timeline. If the temperature is not continuously on the rise, it will become boring.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm simply telling you that when two well adjusted people are starting a relationship, and the time is right to take it to the next level, you take it to the next level.

Yep, but when theres a difference in opinion on that is when things get reeeally interesting. Lots to learn about someone from that.

When a female (or male for that matter) starts artificially inserting timelines or milestones that must be met to take it to that level, it reeks of insecurity and instability.

Yep, the keyword being 'artificial'. What does that mean and who gets to decide?

You interpret that as a female's prerogative, and if he doesn't comply he wasn't worth it. A male may interpret that as an insecure person, someone with baggage and issues who isn't worth investing time in and become disinterested.

Or, the alternative hypothesis is that the guy is rushing the gal (or vice-versa) and the guy decides the above. For a woman who's got it together and isn't susceptible to male pressure, she'll just smile and wave goodbye.

Fact is, both need to feel ready, if one or the other doesn't then that needs exploring (or just moving on, depending). Its a matter of respect.

[Wakeup]

I am in dire need of a vacation like this.

Yep! Its the stuff of every romantic comedy ever made..

[haxan]

Yep, but when theres a difference in opinion on that is when things get reeeally interesting. Lots to learn about someone from that.

Yep, the keyword being 'artificial'. What does that mean and who gets to decide?

Or, the alternative hypothesis is that the guy is rushing the gal (or vice-versa) and the guy decides the above. For a woman who's got it together and isn't susceptible to male pressure, she'll just smile and wave goodbye.

Fact is, both need to feel ready, if one or the other doesn't then that needs exploring (or just moving on, depending). Its a matter of respect.

I don't think I've seen you use "yep" twice in a post before Indi, I kinda like it

You're just reading too much in to what I'm saying, maybe on purpose

If two well adjusted, very compatible people are having a great relationship and it feels natural to take the next step, then it's time to take the next step. No real mystery to figure out. No one is playing games. You both know each other, should know that you're not getting played and let the relationship develop as it flows. There's no difference of opinion, you should be on the same page together, no?

By artificially inserting a timetable, I'm referring back to this thread and the OP. She stated he was the perfect gentleman. I quoted how she felt about him, how insanely bad she wanted him. Then she comes back and said "It happened, it was perfect" etc., something along those lines. Everyone assumed they had sex, then she came back and said, "oh no, no sex, I cut him off to see if he'll be interested after the reception"

Well, since I have to interpret, I'm going to say that there was hard cock and wet pussy involved. Doubtful that it was felt through a clothing barrier. Now to me, my cock buried down your throat and your ass and pussy grinding over my mouth is a bit more intimate than slipping on a condom and drilling you from behind. So, I don't know what happened, but "it happened" and it was amazing". Not sex, because she cut it off. To me, that's baseless logic. What she is or was trying to accomplish is pointless now.

THAT I interpret is an artificial timetable or milestone. She gushed on and on about the guy, how hot he is, how much she wanted him, what a perfect gentleman he was. She made the decision to offer it up (who knows how much) then she backed off and said, no let's wait till Saturday or whatever. To me, that is just plain stupid. If I were the guy, I'd think she was a head case or loaded with emotional baggage and back off. Not because I didn't get laid, but because I want someone to be real with me.

Bad game she played imo. She should have just kept a respectful distance physically and let it progress. I think she is insecure and wanted to test the waters. Not an impressive trait in a woman, at least to me.

[Maple1714]

Withholding sex from men and keeping that tension alive and strong is women's power over men. I've kept tension going btw myself and certain men for years. Intelligenent and savvy women can use this as a tool to get anything they want, without the man even realizing what's ging on. Dating, getting to know people... It's all a game. Everyone plays "games". So much of life is about manipulation. I don't mean any of this is a negative way...I'm not talking about using people or lying or anything like that. But, social interaction is all about psychological manipulation. Women have a nice advantage in the "game" of life if they know how to play it well.