Is he being cheap?

[happy*b8]

My boyfriend really wants to go on an overseas trip, but I'm not that keen and I can't really afford it but he says it won't be the same without me so I said ok. I'm offering to pay my own airfare and expenses and he is happy to foot accomodation and meals along with his own expenses.



But of a sudden, our dates have come to a point where meals are reduced to us sharing food or he only has enough cash to pay for us to see a movie. Lately, its always the same. He'll ask what I want to do on the weekend, but quickly says "I don't have any money...only $xx". Its come to the point where I'm dreading our dates! I've even rejected him by saying I'm busy, just so I don't have to hear those words.



Am I being ungrateful or too sensitive? I just don't know how to approach this problem, but its been happening so often, I'm close to breaking off the trip (its happening end of the year, meaning there's a long way to go!)

[doll69]

This may sound werid coming from a girl, but why is it that ppl still think the guy should pay for everything on a date? Let's face it here: not all of us come from millionaire families. Have you ever paid for him? I think it's good that he is offering to pay even though it's clearly not easy on him. If I found a guy I was into, I honestly wouldn't care if I had to pay for myself! Just being with him should be enough right?

[happy*b8]

Actually, I always take him out to expensive dinners and treat him theatre and music production tickets on special ocassions like his birthday, all our anniversaries and such. On one or two of our general date, but on a very rare ocassion, I've shouted lunch/ dinner to celebrate something small. So to answer your question, doll69, yes, I have always paid for him on countless occassions. And I do I agree with "just being him" as important.

It is more a matter of tradition from where we both come from that sees that he pays our dates if he asks me out on one. Its more his pride that makes him insist that I don't pay, yet he will not be willing to pay for something.

[DarkTravesty]

This may sound werid coming from a girl, but why is it that ppl still think the guy should pay for everything on a date? Let's face it here: not all of us come from millionaire families. Have you ever paid for him? I think it's good that he is offering to pay even though it's clearly not easy on him.

I do agree with that comment, however, on the other hand (this is all speculation now) maybe the guy IS being cheap or isn't very good at handling money. Happy if I read your post right, you said...

But of a sudden, our dates have come to a point where meals are reduced to us sharing food or he only has enough cash to pay for us to see a movie

...which happened since discussing the overseas trip. Now is the problem because of the trip? If so we know the answer to that one...don't go. Maybe it is he's just bad with money. Now I don't know what he does for a job, but that could be part of the problem too, I mean if you're only making $7 an hour, it's going to be hard to do things you really want to do on a regular basis. Do you two ALWAYS spend money when together, try offering to pay sometimes like Doll said. Now you shouldn't be dreading your dates either, instead try thinking of some ideas that don't cost money, the beach, rollerblading, zoo..things like that, you don't have to spend money to have a good time.

[Junket]

You know Travesty, you don't look so dark as you say.

I think you've been lyin' to us this entire time.

[cycletease]

I think that you will be missing out on a couple of opportunities if you don't adjust.
1) Traveling overseas and in general is such a worthwhile pursuit that missing out because you don't want to budget would be a shame.

2) In your guy's mind he probably feels like he is making a big sacrifice to do this for the both of you (remember his pride wants him to pay, as you said, but now he has to tell you all the time that he has no money. And he is having no more fun than you.) But he is putting his pride aside to try to make this work for the both of you...that is a really cool thing.

3) You would lose out on a pretty neat guy, I think, if you were to leave. Think of how many women complain about how their guys just want to sit on the sofa or watch sports all the time. This is a guy that wants to go out and live, a good thing.

4) Additionally, this guy is a planner. If you have a mindset of having a future with someone, this is the guy to do it with. You want to buy a house, have a family? Here is a guy that will set his sights and make these things happen.

5) At some point in your life you will have to struggle for money. It isn't any fun, but it is part of life. This is a good opportunity for you to take a negative and turn it into a positive. Learn how to live with this and be flexible and life will prove to be easier for you.

Just my view on things. I think that both of you need to be more creative. You aren't used to not having money so it's time to change your way of thinking. There are lots of things you can do. Start cooking at home, maybe do a different type of food each weekend. Go to art galleries, look for free concerts, go to friend's houses instead of out. Rent movies instead of going to the theatre. In fact, i am listing things that I actually do all of the time and I have to say that I have a whole lot of fun!

[DarkTravesty]

Frasbee
You know Travesty, you don't look so dark as you say. I think you've been lyin' to us this entire time.

Oops...you caught me...I'm actually really warm and fuzzy on the inside.

[happy*b8]

darktravesty, cycletease... thanks for the heads up. feeling better about things. i lurve this guy to bits but it can be a bit of a challenge with the way he talks about and approaches money. the list of dating ideas u suggested...done all of them. guess its time to refresh my list! i guess it all it takes is a bit of positive as well as creative thinking with how we spend our time together.

[bluebell]

Surely going out on exensive dinners, dates or whatever is just a bonus. You shouldn't be with someone just because they can afford to take you out, it's about being with them. I think your being a bit harsh, at least he has made the effort before, if he was cheap and stingy he would never have done that in the fisrt place. I think you should be abit more grateful.