Seek Therapy, or Talk to Her?

[Mikey T]

I dated a woman this year for nearly two months, the longest I've ever dated someone. We had a fantastic chemistry and values, physical attraction, and could talk for hours. I knew she was recently out of a 3-year relationship which stalled our intimacy, but she seemed to be letting go of this and things were picking up wonderfully. Then suddenly, things came into question with her uncertain if she's ready for a new relationship. I probably didn't handle this as well as I could have and soon she apologized and ended things. Our farewell conversation was very cheerful and nice, but over the next months depression really sunk in.

She was the best, most compatible woman I've ever met, and I still think of her obsessively. We share a pretty unique set of values. In the almost 5 months since, I've been dating and gotten nowhere. I have a strong urge to go talk to her in person, but I already called her in June and never heard back. Whether she stayed single, got back with her ex, or is with someone new I've no idea. Waves of sadness and depression hit me every day and I'm afraid of never finding someone right for me. I often cry, and I question who I am and where my life's headed.

I turn 26 soon and, then free from my parents' insurance, plan to see a therapist. I wanted to see if anyone here has any other advice on how to deal with my obsession with this woman. Would it make any sense to go talk to her one last time? Should I just go to therapy?

Thank you.

[searock]

Seek therapy. Talking to her would only make you even more depressed. May I ask how you got to the "grand old" age of 26 without ever being in a long term relationship?

[Mikey T]

Seek therapy. Talking to her would only make you even more depressed. May I ask how you got to the "grand old" age of 26 without ever being in a long term relationship?

My guy friends never provided any outlets to meet girls, and the girls I met through work and school just never captivated me. Plus, I have a pretty unique style that not all girls are into. I can't understand why it had to end with this girl. We were always happy spending time together until the very end when she questioned stuff. The chemistry was fantastic. God dammit, I really miss her.

[searock]

If you are still at these levels after 5 months, over a relationship that lasted less than 2 months, I think it's pretty clear that your issues lie deeper, and that you need therapy.

[Boisdevie]

Therapy. Absolutely. And you need to address why you've never had a serious long term relationship by your age.

[Mikey T]

Therapy. Absolutely. And you need to address why you've never had a serious long term relationship by your age.

I've had brief sexual relationships and had plenty of girls find me attractive, but bizarre crap gets in the way and it ends very suddenly. I did have an amazing first date with a new girl in July and we were guaranteed to go out again after her vacation. I was feeling way better. But two weeks later, she asked me out and then suddenly dumped me for someone else. It just proved that chemistry doesn't matter and broke my spirit even more.

[distilled]

First of all, there's no set formula that says that you have to have a long term relationship by the time your xx years old. Welcome to the world of dating, some people find perfect partners while others are not so lucky. The problem is that your self-esteem is in the crapper and for some reason is all wrapped up in who it is that you're dating.

I often cry, and I question who I am and where my life's headed.

I hate to break it to you but a relationship is not gonna help you figure out who you are and where you're headed in life. You gotta do this on your own and this is what you need to seek help for. So yeah, get help either from therapy, self-help guides, friends or family, whatever.

[Maria Adam]

This really seems awkward that it was your ever longest relationship i.e. 2 months. Anyways, it also seems you are really in love with her. Her face, her body, her smile, her communication, most of her things attract you and remind her all the time. You did not mention here that why did she end up this relationship. What made her bring this relationship to that stage. Did she go to her ex, or she felt guilty to get involved with you so soon after having a relationship for 3 years. When you don't know the exact cause, why do you surrender, why do you talk for the therapy. First try to find out whether she is back to her ex or still she is alone.

If she is back to her ex, that is she has gone, but if due to any reason she is not back to her ex and any other reason made her end up this relationship, you have got a chance to have a try to make contact with her. Don't give up unless you are clear with the situation.