I dont get what happened here...

[lovemuffin]

I ran into a guy I knew from a few years ago. He was with a girlfriend and an 8-month old baby. We talked quite a bit and he asked for my email address for a potential musical project.

About a week later he asked to get together. We did and it went really well. We continued to get together a few times a week to rehearse. One night he said "I have to be honest.. I'm really attracted to you." I was so caught off guard particularly because he's quite a bit younger than me and I said "What do you mean?" He said "I'll show you" and proceeded to turn my face toward his to kiss him. I stopped him abruptly and reminded him he has a girlfriend and a baby. He explained things are not going well between them and sex has been lacking and he would like a no-strings things with me and mentioned he had been on dating sites looking for the same and its also been helping his self-esteem. He also mentioned their apartment lease is up in a few months and he is hoping to go separate ways from her. I admitted to him I was attracted to him also but I dont get involved with someone already in a relationship.

The next morning he sent me a good morning text and a pic of him shirtless. I didnt respond. He called me later and sounded really excited and told me he moved out of his gf's apartment and back in with his parents. He said he needed to fix himself and also "so you and I can move forward".... but also in almost the same sentence something about maybe someday moving back in with his gf. He went on to explain he doesnt want to be with her except to help her out financially and emotionally as he caused her a lot of damage over the years as he was an alcoholic but dry as of about a year ago. (Note: he also has a baby from another woman.. that is what got him into rehab). The next day he sent me a text asking to get together that night abd that I have to 'live in the now' and assumed I had been ruminating all day about what happened.

We got together later and started recording our demo. Afterwards he asked if I would perform with him at a local open mic that was happening that night. I said I wasnt really up for it but would go but not necessarily perform. He made a comment about a girl's appearance and another older woman he said he thought was cute and after returning from the ladies room later saw him talking to her. I had one powerful drink (that he had ordered for me) and kind of surprisingly started to feel very jealous and left the place while he was busy talking. He texted me after a while. I told him I was in the car and to text me when he wanted to leave. He said he would be right out. He asked me what was wrong on the ride home but I told him I didnt want to talk about it. He mentioned the older woman he had been talking to asked him for his number to get together and jam sometime. That upset me too as I felt he might ditch our musical project to be with her... let alone might be interested in her.

The next day I called him and told him I had been upset because I had had a bad experience with a guy at the club we had gone to (which was true and in large part why I didnt want to go there). He said “Oh that makes sense! We never have to go there again then!” I also said I wanted to talk about he and I in person. He said “Yeah I'm thinking we should just do music and put the physical stuff on hold”. I found myself feeling upset at this. He said “Or do you feel things are too ruined now to do music?” I said “Yeah maybe”. He said “OK.. well no hard feelings or anything”. He seemed completely chill and it somehow pissed me off. I started collecting my stuff and started to leave. He asked several times if I wanted to hear the recording from the night before but I kept saying no and left.

A few hours later I called him and told him I had collected me thoughts and wanted to explain why I was upset. I told him I felt he had opened the door.. then opened it even more when he said he moved out of the gf's place.. then slammed it. He said he was just trying to be wise and mature and added “But hey if you want me to jump your bones, I'll jump your bones” and told me he would be going to an open mic that night and invited me to join him. I didnt end up going as I was just feeling kind of exhausted and kind of weird about the whole thing but I texted him later and asked if he was still there. He said he had just left and asked where I was. I told him I had been at a club I frequent. No response. I called him a little while later and he was abrupt and said his gf was coming to the house any minute to pick up the baby and he would talk to me after the weekend.

He hadnt contacted me still by Tues afternoon (whereas before we were in touch almost every other day). I texted and called him Tues a few times... no response. He finally responded to a text later that night and said he was recording. I asked if he could take 5 minutes to talk. He texted “Id rather not... I'd rather not even be writing this text”. I was kind of shocked. I texted back “Is it something I said/did?” No response. I called him and he called back a few minutes later. He sounded weird. I asked if he didnt want to talk to me anymore. He said “Well I got that impression from you after you took all your stuff and left the other day” I said “We talked the day after though, remember? You invited me to an open mic even” “Oh yeah” he said. He added he still thought we should go separate ways as everything got weird and he seemed extremely anxious to get off the phone.

I drove to his house a ½ hour later. I knocked and he let me in. I said “This feels weird.” He said “Yeah” kind of sarcastically and acted like I was a total freak and like he didnt even know me. I said “Yeah I know.. you can hate me later for coming over like this." I told him I also came to take a music book back. He seemed anxious for me to leave and said he was in the middle of watching a movie with his sister and it was bad timing and we could talk tomorrow or something. I told him I thought he was just by himself and apologized and left. I sent him a FB message a few days later saying I didnt understand why he terminated our friendship and could he throw me a bone so I could. No response but he changed his facebook picture.

I dont get it. He seemed angry and so dismissive of me. Was he angry I blew off his last invite after we seemed to have smoothed things over?

[searock]

You should have ran the moment he tried to kiss you. He clearly has issues. Why would you even consider getting involved with a guy like that?

[lovemuffin]

I guess I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he doesnt want to be with her but is hanging in there and trying to support her since the baby is new.

But why do you think he terminated it? He seems to hate me now.

[MaidenMinx]

Honey, he's just a sleaze who bolted when he realised you weren't going to be easy but someone else was. I doubt the female he was 'watching a movie' with was his sister and I suspect you were right in assuming that he was going to simply replace you with the older woman. Move on, let go and take a lesson from this. Next time something seems off, it probably is.

[IndiReloaded]

Ugh. No wonder your mom has issues with you. You're kind of a ho, aren't you? This guy has an 8-month old baby. Yes, he's a jerk for hitting on you, but why on earth are you pursuing him by going over to his place? Pretty desperate...

[lovemuffin]

I went to his place because I was so shocked he terminated everything including the music project we were working on and wanted to talk face-toface.

And no I'm not a ho... I haven't had a relationship for 4 years actually. As far as my mother... she raised me to be very sexually liberal and is actually very jealous of younger generations that have been allowed more sexual freedom. I have preferred monogamous relationships my whole life and frankly wish I have been settled down with someone for years now.