how to break up with girl when she thinks everything is great

[betterknown]

I've been dating this girl now for about a month and a half. Everything is "great" in that we haven't fought, we get along, and there are no visible flaws in the relationship. The thing is, she wants to move things faster than I want. And this lead me to the conclusion that I don't want it at all. I thought I liked her, but I think I was fooled by how well we got along. I don't feel that spark with her.

She's also joked to me about how her friends jokingly say we are going to get married. And my immediate thought is "no. No we aren't". Obviously not a good thought for a boyfriend to have, and I hate being that boyfriend.

I want out. And I don't know how to end it, since from her perspective everything is fine.

Any suggestions?

[Maria Adam]

Many girls feel secure if they get married and the person they love, they plan to proceed this relationship tie-up. While men run from being tie-up and like to stay free and independent. In this situation when she has told her friends that both of you are going to get married, you should talk to her and make her clear that you just love her but not interested in a marriage now. If she can run along with you with this , it's fine otherwise you on your way, she is on her way, just simple. Cheer Up man

[HeartIsAching]

she wants to move things faster than I want. And this lead me to the conclusion that I don't want it at all. I thought I liked her, but I think I was fooled by how well we got along. I don't feel that spark with her.


I want out.
Any suggestions?

You've answered your own questions. Say this to her. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to sugar-coat it to make it easy on her - this can be a valuable lesson to her in her future relationship endeavors.

[searock]

this can be a valuable lesson to her in her future relationship endeavors.

Not all her future partners will "not feel the spark". Maybe some of them will *want* to move as fast as she wants.

I agree though, OP, you should tell her what you honestly think. Not for the reason HIA said, but because truth is always the best option. You've only been dating for a month and a half anyway, she'll survive :-).

[HeartIsAching]

I meant the part where he said "She wants to move things faster than I want."

That WILL scare a lot of guys off.

[searock]

I've met guys who wanted to move faster than I did. What she needs to learn is to try to understand the other person's "pace", so as to go at the same one.

[betterknown]

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

Just to clarify, I'm not usually the type of guy to avoid commitments, etc. I have been on the other end of this situation before, and it sucks, which is the reason why I hesistate now. When I feel it, I go with it, and I've had some great relationships in the past (well great until they ended for various reasons).

I just don't feel it with her. I did when I first met, but even then I realized it was a slightly different feeling than I'm used to. I assumed that "slight difference" was a good thing, but now I realize that's maybe not the case. I find myself more interested in conversation with her than with coupley stuff like kissing. We would be great friends, but I did decide to start dating her, so I won't try to pull the "let's just be friends card" if I decide to break up; that wouldn't be fair to her.

So I do have some thinking to do, but I also plan to be honest, once I finally decide with myself of what I truly want.

[vashti]

I meant the part where he said "She wants to move things faster than I want."

That WILL scare a lot of guys off.

I agree with searock. The fact that she has a different pace isn't inherently "wrong", and therefore, she doesn't need to be "taught a lesson". Her pace just isn't a match for THIS guy.