Hello,
I found out through a mutual friend that my bf and one of my closest girlfriend's had been sleeping together for a month. That was when I broke up with him. He couldn't even confess the whole truth, and only came to tell me about it after another friend hinted at me what was going on, and pressured him into telling me. That was about 3 months ago, and it's been really rough for me moving on. The first month after the breakup I spent messaging my ex and my ex-friend - screaming at them "how could you do this?!" I just seriously could not get over that the two people I expected to love me the most, could be capable of acting in such a selfish hurtful way towards me. They both lied to me, and kept up the lie, parading around with me, pretending that everything was ok. They both betrayed me. I guess what's really ****ed with my head is that I had no idea he or she was capable of that. I was in the dark about his true nature, but by my assessment, I had always thought he had a heart of gold. How could I have been so wrong? And if those are the kind of people I'm surrounding myself with, what does it say about the kind of person I am?
For a while, after those first rocky weeks of heartache, things seemed to get better. I knew I was better off without them, and had started thinking positively about my future. These days I still have regular nightmares about her, my ex-friend. Hate and pity would be the words I'd used to describe my feelings towards my ex-bf and this ex-friend. But, and this is the sick part, I find myself thinking of them every night, and I can't sleep. Sometimes I just mull over the betrayal. Sometimes I miss his arms around me.
Lately, I've been contemplating getting in touch with him - partly because I'm beginning to feel like this isn't going to go away until I can understand it, or circumvent it somehow (I need a resolution?), but partly out of loneliness too, I think. I wasn't even that in love with him, we were only together for about 6 monthsand it was always a bit rocky because I had doubts about my feelings for him (Did I think I could do better? Probably). The whole thing has kind of just crushed me... My faith in people and myself. Feel free to share your experiences, or offer advice...