The consequences of jealousy

[gre89]

Hi,

I have a problem and I cant solve it by my self.
One year ago i met a girl, fell in love. Now we live together,
everything would be just ideal, except the fact how our relationship begun.
We met trough the internet. We had three-four dates and then she disappeared for two weeks.
I called her, she was busy all the time and i saw here one or two times back then.

Then, after two weeks she showed up again and we started spending time together.

After few weeks she said that she slept with another guy on those two weeks she was miss when i
didnt see her often.
It cant be considered as cheating, since we hardly even knew each other back then and
we even havent had sex yet. But it was dirty and slutty for sure.

Off course i should have broken up with her, but i didn’t.
The night she told me everything she said, that she doesn’t know what to do,
that she is confused and she knows, that this second guy loves her and she doesnt
know anything about me.
Instead of making her to choose, i said that she has to make her choice by her self
and she promised that she will make it and while she is not sure yet she wont sleep with him.

After that night, she kind of was mine. We were dating and seeing each other often and stuff.
But in the same time she was seeing him couple of times. She didnt hold back the
truth and told me everything but still it wasn't very nice.

Her communication with him ended in a while, she stayed with me
and we stated developing our relationship.

Back to that time i didnt feel like i was hurt a lot or anything.
I fell in love and just wanted to be with her in spite of everything.
But now, when we live together and thought about marriage and other things
come to my head, i think about this story all the time and it hurts a lot.
How she could be so cruel ?

I dont know what to do, should i leave her or kill this thoughts in my head ? Is it possible
at all ?
Im happy with her now, i cant imagine the person which suits me better then she is.
But i cant feel all this pain all the time.

The thing that justifies her is that a few months before this incident
her boyfriend left her and off course it was hard time for her.
Lately she told me that she wasnt ready for relationship back then and she
hated men in general.
I can understand her. But common, she understood that she was acting
like a slut, right ?
She was hurt, but if she cant handle blows of fate how can i trust her ?

One more thing that bothers me, that according to her, if i would be more confident
back then, i could prevent all this things.
But how could i prevent all this if i knew her only for two weeks ?

I love her, i don’t want to think about being without her, but I cant live with
this feeling anymore.

Is there a way to live with this like it never happened ? Or breaking up is the only exit ?

Please share real experience.

Thank you.

[sickofdrama]

My therapist says "never carry all eggs in one basket". That's what your girl did, some eggs with that guy and others on you. For those two weeks she moved some more eggs to his side, probably irrationaly (just sex), but then she realized it could be a wrong choice. She tested you both again. You won, congrats, you are the basket with all her eggs.

If you are worried of why she didnt have sex with you first or meanwhile blame the other guy, it was his first interest and that is why she didnt choose him later.

Thats how I see it

[DerekDrake]

She wanted attention from men, got in a relationship with 2 guys in a short interval and yet she told you she hated them in general? Or am I missing something here. But to the other point.

You said it, she was hurt. Probably acted out of her right mind. You are there to support her. It's unhealthy to keep thinking the negative in the relationship. If you no longer trust her then breaking up will be the only exit. Also forgive her for the things she've done.

[gre89]

She wanted attention from men, got in a relationship with 2 guys in a short interval and yet she told you she hated them in general?

Well according to her, she was disappointed in men, but she needed attention. So she decided that she will act like a "bitch".

If you no longer trust her then breaking up will be the only exit.

I didn't trust her in the beginning off course, but i do trust her now since everything is nice.
The thing is that i just cant forgive her that she acted like this and i cant forgive myself that i didn't do the right thing(whatever it could be) to prevent this.

So i just dont know will the time help me to accept the situation or the wound will hurt while we are together ?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Get even. Go **** another girl. You'll feel better.

[sickofdrama]

What is for sure is that I would tell her that I'm having troubles with that in my mind

[Cheekss]

you r stupid for dating online pple and have relationship so fast and all of hat.

you barely know her.

so suck it! it was your own choice to go fast and to stay with her.