C0-worker I am in love with annoyed with me.

[Worker9]

Ok, I signed up to this site to get some answers from others, because I need help. My situation is very complicated. I am in love with a co-worker. We have worked together for years. The thing that makes it difficult is that I am her manager, so I have held back a lot because of this, making sure it doesn't get too awkward. The other thing is that she is in a relationship while I am only dating. So I keep it on a friendship level and do not try for more.

Here is the situation that I need some feedback on.... We started taking breaks together to talk about everything for politics to movies and whatever else. I feel that this got us much closer even though some debates get heated.

Here is the thing I do not understand: Last Friday it seemed better than ever, because she opened up and started asking me questions that she would never ask before (sexual in nature). We were getting along GREAT! Then come monday she seemed to get annoyed with me a bit early in the day, then later in the day things were great again, she was in a good mood and talking to me a lot. Then come Tuesday she is super annoyed with me and even says it out loud. She avoids me even. I just don't get it?? I have annoyed her before, but this time something seems wrong. At one point she seems very friendly, and then the next, super annoyed with me. What does this mean?

How can we go from being great friends, to her being annoyed with me just the next day? I feel like I am on pins and needles with her, thinking whatever I do will annoy her.

Any ideas??? Because I am at a loss.

Is her being annoyed with me easily a bad sign? What do I do?

[Cerby]

This is a wash, you are her manager, she is your subordinate. Aside from showing favortism by taking breaks with her, if it gets out you're pining over her you could potentially lose your position, force her to transfer, or one of you could be fired.

That is IF you're working at a company that has a code of ethics. My company strickly forbids management-associate relationships, they are to be disclosed immediately and the associate is transferred. If there is an apparition of someone being favoured (ie breaks together) out HR department will blow it to bits. If your company is like 4 people and your title is nothing more than that, then you still can't do anything because she is in a long term relationship.

So, with all this in mind, are you still willing to try?

[Maple1714]

My father was married with 2 kids when he met my mother. He hired her and he was her boss at a psychiatric hospital. They were just work friends for a while and then my dad got divorced and he asked my mom out on a date and the rest is history...they have been happily married for 30 years. They both just found other jobs...anything can happen.

[Wakeup]

The key words, the important ones that actually apply to the Op in your story, Maple are: "My dad got divorced and then he asked my mon out on a date." OP Why are you being such a dufus and trying to ingratiate your self to a woman who is in a relationship? Why don't you just ignore her or keep it strictly business unless she is free to respond to your subtle advances which, by your own admission appear to annoy her. She's taken, keep you interactions business like and professional.

[Worker9]

Thanks for the replies, and I appreciate maple's story. I said that I am holding back for two reasons, 1. I am her manager (which could change, so that dynamic would no longer be a blocker) and 2. She is in a relationship. I have already come to the conclusion that I will never have her as long as she is happy in her relationship. So for now, we are only great friends. That said, I do not want to ruin the friendship either, so my concern about her being annoyed still applies.