Hello everyone!

This is my relationship story! Im at a place now where i realise i cant get my ex back. Ive accepted it however i cant stop thinking about her and its upsetting my aswell as frustrating me! Im lied here at 4am with her on my mind! We split in the middle of june and i still cant go a day without thinking about her!
I love her so much and it kills me! I want her back in my life so much but i know i cant :o(

This is my story (ill try and keep it as quick as possible)

We met via an online dating site. Im 26, shes 21. We dated for 2 months and was official just over 1 month. We talked on this dating site for a couple of weeks the Facebooked each other. We talked and then texted and she liked me enough to come on a date. It went ace! We went on a few more dates. Dates to ace places like theme parks etc. She then paid £160 (around $270 ) for us to stop in a really posh hotel. We had a meal and an ace night out. I was thinking this girl must really like me a lot to splash out all this money! The next morning we woke up and i asked her to be my girlfriend. She agreed!

Anyway ive always said this was the best start to a relationship ive ever had! But it is also the shortest and the hardest to get over! This girl was perfect for me. We got on so amazingly well and had such a laugh! We are both very picky people. I know how picky she is but she liked me enough to give me a chance and then to start seeing me.
She also said if there was 1 thing she doesnt like about me, she wouldnt be involved with me!

Here is where it went wrong. Not so long into us being official, she found out she had fallen pregnant! She forgot to take her birth control a couple of times whilst we was dating. She was adament she wanted an abortion as she felt she was too young. I accepted her decision and supported her in that however I also made it very clear I was open to keeping it. She still opted for an abortion. During the time of her knowing she was pregnant up until tge abortion, 4 weeks passed by and i didnt see her. We did have plans but she cancelled due to feeling ill. She did however go on a hen doo weekend at a spa hotel resort (bachelorette party?) and she text me telling me to drive to see her at this hotel however i was working nights so couldnt so she did kinda make an effort to try and see me during the 4 weeks. I also thought this was lovely! She was having the time of her life with 20+ women but wanted to see me! This was 2 weeks before the abortion. She also said a few days later that she was worried we wont be the same after the abortion. I assured her as long as she comes out and gives it a chance, we will be. This to me showed she cared!
She went to the abortion clinic and didnt go through with it. She said she felt guilty. She made another appointment and this time did go through with it. (Both times she wouldnt let me go, not sure why)
The day she had the abortion is the day she went distant. She did claimed she was ok mentally and physically but in my mind, i didnt believe her.
I tried to be there for her but she wouldnt let me. We made plans to see each other but something came up for her.

Around 10 days later we split up

The reasons she gave me were to be honest, totall bullsh*t and so obvious they wernt real reasons.

I went no contact for 3/4 weeks whilst i went on holiday. I then started to text her again and she responded positive. I didnt talk about the relationship in any way, they were just funny random texts and we had a laugh. After 3 weeks of texting and it going well, i called in at her work and gave her a party invitation. The invite was a kinda funny way to ask her out! It said location: Hickorys (our favourite restaurant) Date: whenever. Anyway she didnt say yes, she just brushed it off and then the texting kinda went downhill

I tried all I sensible could to get her back but now im at a point where i realise i cant get her back. I re-added her on facebook and noticed she is now having the time of her life with her mates going out and doesnt want/need me or any other guy right now. It was sad to see but made me realise. I didnt want to remove her off facebook but knew it was the right thing to do but before i did it, she created a new profile and im not adding her.

Here are my theories why we split.

Her ex before me was in idiot. He hit her, bruised her, crashed her car, cheated and just didnt treat her well. I believe she may have realised she was falling for me and put her barriers up.
2 weeks before she set up a new facebook profile like mentioned above, her facebook profile changed to a timeline profile. If you dont know what this is, it lets you view the entire histoy of someoes facebook. Anyway when i was bored working nights in my office job, i looked at her profile 2/3 years ago (only a quick look) and she was a completely different girl! She wore her heart on her sleave. She would post about when a guy makes her upset, hurts her or makes her happy. She would say things like she is sick of meeting idiot guys and one status update said for exampe "im glad i deleted your number". A guy she must of been seeing would write on her profile and she would comment saying she loves him.
She is completely different now. She never opens up, never discusses how she is feeling and this is proven when she blocked me out and went distant instead of talking.
I think she changed because of her ex. I text her asking about it and she didnt respond. I knew she wouldnt because she doesnt open up any more. I also asked if she put her barriers up with me and ki i wasnt enough for her, just what is.

Another theory is she fell pregnant, thought it was all happening too much too soon and backed off. She did text me once saying it looks bad being pregnant so early on in the relationship!

It also didnt help that 3 days after the abortion, her best mate came back into her life after she recently became single and she took up all her time and attention.

So right now, i realise i cant get her back. Like i said, ive tried everything i can do sensibly. I didnt hound her, keep turning up at hers, beg her or anything like that.
She did make matters worse because she drunkenly rang me saying she hadnt had the abortion really and she misses me and wants to see me. The next day she denied she is still pregnant and apolgised.

Ive no longer got her number (well, its written down in the back of a draw in case i ever get a text and suspect its her so i can check) she has a new facebook and theres no chance ill bump into her as she lives 30 minutes away.

My problem is i cant forget her. She is constantly on my mind! I miss her so much and i love her to bits! She wasnt perfect, i had to have a go at her because she was still using her dating website profile uploading new pics to it a month after we was together. I dont think her family knew we was together and suspect i was a secret! She also lied about stuff like still being pregnant! She lied saying she had a white car when in fact, i never ever saw this car at hers and i did all the driving. So she did have her flaws but i still love her and the happy times we had mkre than make up for it!
Ive always felt me and her didnt do anything wrong, we never once argued! And feel if she hadnt of fell pregnant we would still be together!

Please help me forget this girl that i love so much ive been on other dates, a holiday and just cant forget her i understand you cant give answers as to why she would of finsished me, just help me get over her. Its good that i realised were not going to get back together and shes not going to text asking to meet up. Its just hard because i know she liked me a hell of a lot.

Anyways i know i said it was going to be short and im sorry!

Thanks for taking the time to read.

Jonathan