Trying to improve myself

[Caliberz]

Hi everyone,

I am actually looking for ways to improve myself. Lately, I've been feeling depressed and always looking back at my past at all my 'wrong' decisions and failed relationships. Sometimes, I regret these decisions but I know that when I made them, I was absolutely confident. Failed relationship is another matter altogether and hopefully I'll be able to solve it later on.

These feelings of regret, and thoughts of whether I have made the wrong decisions are eating up at me and distracting me from being my usual self. The fact that I'm overseas for another three years does not help as well, as I'm away from family and friends. Right now, because of my introverted personality as well, I feel that it is hard to make new friends, and I tend to be a pessimist as well. I want to change myself so that I can be more positive, more social, and have the ability to be confident and be myself.

So, I do hope that I will be able to find some help I need. Thanks.

PS. Furthermore, my failed relationships was because of my inability to think I can maintain the relationships as well as my irrational fear of said relationship. I do want a relationship, mind you, but I overthink things and suddenly, I feel like its choking me. I don't think I'm ready, am I?

[smackie9]

Stop looking at your past because that is fueling your depression and anxiety. Turn to the people you work with for some kind of social life. You have to interact with them on a daily basis so that's a good place to start. Take a camera and hop on a bus and go places. Learn about the city you live in. Take pictures of interesting things and set up a blog and write about the places you travel to. In your travels try to strike up a conversation with others and show some of the pictures you took, or make suggestions on places for them to see or great places to eat or shop. Try Facebook and get networking with groups that interest you.

This is just a start but the internet is obviously a useful tool to socialize with others. Best of luck. Please keep us updated on your progress.

[gardenofjade]

Afirmations. And more afirmations. Tell yourself that you are worthy. Tell yourself that you are human. Tell yourself that it's ok to make mistakes, everyone does. Tell yourself that you are capable. Tell yourself that you can improve. Make steps forward with goals, things you want to do in life, accomplishments. Tell yourself that you will accomplish these goals and set to them.

[Caliberz]

Thank You for the advice. Been doing so-so for now. Trying to improve as I go along the way. Will keep posted whenever I am free.

[sadie_genie]

Failure is not solely as a result of your decision or incompetence; it is a result of many external factors you cannot control such as timing, the decision of other people, and other external forces. So, don't beat yourself over it. Relationship is a two way street. Even if you did everything right, you need the other person to meet you half way and sometimes that doesn't happen as a result of other people's decisions or external factors you cannot control.

Being away from your family for three years can actually be a positive thing. You would be in a fresh new environment where you are free to reinvent yourself.

[dem862]

You are lonely, so do things where you can be around other people. Also you cannot change the past, you can only change your actions in the future. Accept the past and move on.

[Joshua1]

Thanks for sharing.

[JasonHJJ]

much appreciated

[Ea Scarlet]

Chill out first before attempting to get into another relationship. Improving yourself is to love yourself before anyone else. Realize your self-worthy, knowing yourself will help you to have a better relationship in the future.

[mrFrog]

Enroll a dance class or a hobby club. This will help you contact with people. Then you won't feel depressed anymore, never, I promise.

[Caliberz]

I would like to thank everyone on this forum for the great advice. It's been been a year and I feel great. Positive thinking has helped me overcome most of my failures (especially experiencing actual failure in my studies) but I'm climbing back up again. Gonna try and move forward. There is always room for improvement I admit, but at least for now, I'm not feeling as down as I used to. Thank you very much all!

[Kromat83]

Enroll a dance class or a hobby club.
This will help you contact with people.
Then you won't feel depressed anymore, never, I promise.

I agree with mrFrog about the dancing, i enrolled in classes 10 years ago,
and it helped me become more social, and even interact with females, a lot easier.

It really does build up your confidence.

You need to believe in yourself, and think positive, even you fail,
think of what you are willing to do, to reach your goals.

If that means putting activities on hold, then that is what you'll have to do.
P.S. for me it was giving up gaming regularly, until i finish my last 2 courses.
....
Last 2 years i was depressed too, but finally came out of my
shell this January, saying to myself, that if i didn't improve
by February, suicide would be on my mind.

I am glad things worked out for the better, one of my resolutions was to drop the
weight from the 215 pounds i was, by changing my sugary diet and exercising almost every day.

I managed to shed almost 30 pounds in 1 month.
I asked that girl from my mom's work, which by chance, I fell in love with,
reconnected with old friends, and now focusing on my schooling
to start that Real Estate career that i have delayed, far too long.

Life is quite good at the moment, and can't wait for what the future might bring.

[Kiechi]

^ Did you use to post here Kromat? You were well into your P90x?

[michelle23]

Id recommend some counselling to help you get closure on the past and to be more emotionally stable for the next relationship.

[Boisdevie]

This is just a start but the internet is obviously a useful tool to socialize with others.

The internet is for that? I thought it was for top quality porn and a way of anonymously insulting people on forums.