My long teenage romantic troubles and my stupid idea.

[dantcg]

DISCLAIMER: This is long, but I try to be entertaining. At the very least, you can release some pent up rage by yelling at me for my stupidity!

So the situation is complicated. There's a girl that I had a massive crush on a good five years ago (you know, the sort of one where you convince your little immature self that you're in love)... but we didn't really know each other very well and she got in a relationship with another guy. Anyway, recently she broke up with that guy and started talking to me. Of course there are a lot of details that I'll have to leave out in this to spare you guys some time. So we were texting a lot and flirting and even got lunch a few times with each other for a few weeks and I really liked her so I asked her out on a "legit date" - but she said that because of her "tendency to ruin relationships" she didn't want to hurt me, and she had also "promised herself not to get into a relationship in the last year of school" which we're going into now. She said that she was really tempted to go on a date with me though and even eventually gave me the option. She also said, "You know that time when my Dad said that I must fancy you, well I he might just have been right... and there's a reason why I stalked all of your soccer matches! Can you take a hint?"

I respected those reasons and said that we'll just continue as we were for now, not sure how true they were - but I decided that I'd see just how she actually felt after this. She announced that we were in a "flirtationship" for now then. She continues to profess everyday that she loves me - although she's a teenage girl so take that by its merits - and has even said that she'll marry me one day... she also asked me to her formal next year and announced that she was coming to mine no matter how I felt about it. So that seemed all good - yay me, getting my childhood girl right? But no - on the otherhand, as I'm sure you'll all point out, there are also many, many signs of me being friend-zoned.

I think if she has friend-zoned me, she's doing it terribly. We webcam everynight, and EVERYONE of our friends thinks we're in a relationship, because apart from the fact that we've never kissed or changed our Facebook relationship status (please observe my sarcasm) - everything else we do is just like we're in a relationship. We always get comments about how "cute" we are together... and you know what, they're totally true! We play songs to each other over webcam everynight! Last night she played me "Never Gonna Give You Up" by the legendary Rick Astley on her Ukelele and it was awesome! Anyway, she's also said stuff like - while on a "study date" she asked me too - "Oh Meagan [one of her friends] is so silly! She asked this guy who likes her on a study date too - except she doesn't like the guy back! Why would she ask him on a study date if she didn't like him!"... which left me thinking, "Well... you asked me on a study date...". Also, the other night she was talking to another guy who was talking to her because he was sad that one of her friends had apparently friend-zoned him. So she was telling me about this conversation and asked me, "How do you guys tell if you've been friend-zoned?"... I still don't now why she would ask ME that question! The point is - if she's friend-zoning me, she needs to be better at it!

Anyway, recently, she went on a formal with another guy who asked her to it before we started talking, so I didn't think too much of it (although, of course I was secretly jealous and hurt like the teenage guy I am). The problem was, she would do stuff like send me a picture of her dress the night before and ask me what I thought. Friend-zone? Then two hours before the formal she rang me to complain that her sister wasn't there to help her and she felt lonely. Friend-zone? I had to bite my tongue SO hard not to just lose it at her, because she was making me feel terrible everytime she brought up this other guy, and then suddenly she was telling ME that SHE felt lonely? Anyway, don't worry - I kept my cool, I always do... and I feel like that might be a problem. She went to the formal, and I dreaded the day when the photos started going up on Facebook. But she didn't share them to everyone or make them her profile picture like I expected, and her friends seemed to make sure not to like any photos that had her and the other guy in it. That made me feel a bit better about the situation... but not great.

After this formal though, we went back to being in our relationship except not relationship mode. Although my paranoia that I have been friend-zoned started to rise. In what might be a stupid decision, I decided to see if I could detect any senses of jealousy. I mentioned in passing in our webcam chat the other night that I was talking to another girl today. Nothing major, but I usually don't bring up other girls with her. My intention is to make it so that I'm not simply her bitch, or her emotional brace that is ALWAYS there no matter what. I'm trying to send the message: Hey, if you actually want me then you're gonna have to try a bit harder because I'm not gonna just sit here forever, I might just move on...

So after I mentioned another girl briefly she posted another photo of her and the guy from the formal. I'm not sure if there was any intention behind it, but she sure did make me look at it, saying "Look how cute I am!". Yesterday I started work up again, and met a new girl from work. Once again, I brought her up in conversation last night and then even interrupted my conversation with her because the girl from work was ringing me. I am now going to start paying a little less conversation to the OG girl. Usually I reply to her texts immediately, talk to her on the phone when she decides she's bored for hours and goto whereever to keep her company. Now I might be a bit slower to do all of these, trying to slowly feign some sort of loss in interest to see if she actually "loves me" as she claims... she once said that (actually twice) that "she never wants to lose me" and now I want to test that theory!

Yes, this might be the dumbest idea ever... but I guess, I'm willing to take the risks. If I lose her because of that, then I'll move on.