Crazy bout a girl with a boyfriend

[BillyThomson]

I am currently in a dilemma where I am falling for a girl but she has a boyfriend! She has no problem texting me for hours a day while at the same time, responding well to some of my flirting and teasing and she even tells me she likes it. However, I know I could be the one wasting my time here. However, I know her relationship with her current boyfriend isn't the strongest. So how do I tell her that I like her but can't keep giving her my attention? I don't want to come off negatively so that when she does break it off with her current boyfriend, she'll still think of me as a potential mate.

A little more background bout the girl, I don't know if she's lead other guys on before. She is the more reserved and shy type and pretty lowkey. I don't know if her boyfriend knows that I've talked/texted her as much as we do. Feel free to ask anything that would help me understand what to do next.

[TheCafeTerrace]

You've nothing to do mate, it's not a good idea to try to break someone up because you want to date them. She probably already has an inkling that you fancy her, but for now you should just date a few other women and put it out of your mind - no point torturing yourself over an unattainable prize.

[BillyThomson]

You thinking that I should just move on? I don't want to break them up, just want to her to think of me whenever she does break it off with her boyfriend, may it be next week or next few months.

[TheCafeTerrace]

be that as it may it won't do you any good to wait for her like an obedient little love-sick puppy. Find someone else for now, take each day as it comes - carpe diem bruv.

[BillyThomson]

thanks bro

[haxan]

Doing nothing gets you nothing.

You need to be straight with her and tell her that you really like her and would love to get to know her better. You realize she's involved with someone right now, but if that ever changes to let you know. Then walk away, not friends, no talk, text etc. If she is in to you, she will contact you. If not, then no worries.

[smackie9]

From a women's perspective she is just being an attention getter....low key or not girls will take the attention if it's given without obligation. At this point she is using you. If she really wanted to get with you, there is nothing stopping her from breaking up with her BF. In other words you are letting her have all the control.

You want her? This is how it works, to be desirable is to be less available. You have to break contact with her and start chatting up some other girls. If you meant something to her, she will make herself single and available to you.

[BillyThomson]

From a women's perspective she is just being an attention getter....low key or not girls will take the attention if it's given without obligation. At this point she is using you. If she really wanted to get with you, there is nothing stopping her from breaking up with her BF. In other words you are letting her have all the control.

You want her? This is how it works, to be desirable is to be less available. You have to break contact with her and start chatting up some other girls. If you meant something to her, she will make herself single and available to you.

good points. do you agree in letting her know the truth as haxan said?

[smackie9]

I had a feeling you were going to ask me that. I didn't want to step on Haxan's toes there lol. I speak from experience when I say, expressing your feelings is a total mood killer. It tells her that she's got you....and it doesn't matter if you walk away, you just gave her all the control. You get slipped in to her back pocket. It's better to be mysterious, aloof, distant.....girls eat that shit up. They like challenge, the chase.....build up. What actually happens is that anytime a girl feels a guy slipping from her grasp, Dopamine is released in her brain (the chemical of desire). That's why nice guys finish last and assholes win. I use the term asshole loosely. I'm not talking about being douchey or abusive.....but more like cutting off the attention and being preoccupied, not answering calls, being too busy for them etc.

If you are flirting and talking to her hours on end, she knows how you feel....in that sense girls are not stupid...they know....it's a matter if they can get you...that you want to keep a secret. You want them to earn you.

[haxan]

I speak from experience when I say, expressing your feelings is a total mood killer.

Nah smackie, any female with a working brain knows from the quote below that he likes her. She's not different. Him telling her what the options are put "him" in control. (i.e., I'm not being your outlet for attention and flirting anymore. If you want it, ditch the b/f and come get it).

She has no problem texting me for hours a day while at the same time, responding well to some of my flirting and teasing and she even tells me she likes it.

If she really wanted to get with you, there is nothing stopping her from breaking up with her BF.

Human nature takes care of that. It is EXTREMELY rare for someone to end a relationship to pursue an unknown. People cheat, flirt, look around, set things up and then leave 9/10, I doubt she's any different.

He likes her, she knows he likes her, there's no mystery there. What she doesn't know is if she leaves the security of her boyfriend, how it might or might not work out. He's taking control of the situation by saying if you want me, here's what you have to do. If you don't take advantage of this opportunity, I've already started moving forward. No more flirt buddy or guy friend b/s.

[smackie9]

Sorry but women's brain work differently ......our perception is not of your understanding. Like I said she isn't stupid, she knows he wants her. A guy doesn't have to say it....we work on the emotion...not the black and white.

[BillyThomson]

Looks like I have a decision on my hands. From what both of you say though, cutting off communication is key. Depending on her and how she'll take it, telling her my feelings will either make her uncomfortable (which won't help me cause she'll just find someone else when she does break off her relationship) or give her something to think about. Either way, if she wants me, she'll change her own situation.

[haxan]

She is the more reserved and shy type and pretty lowkey.

You know her my friend. In general with this personality type, she's probably protective of her self esteem and may have a fragile ego. If you just walk away like a conceited mystery man, it could turn her off for good. If you tell her that you want her, but she has to free herself and come to you, it will reassure her that you truly like her.

Your call though bro, you have a male and female opinion it. I'm sure smackie can say the same, but I will tell you that I've been in your shoes and it has worked, perfectly. In the end, nobody likes a game player, or someone not being themselves. Be yourself.

[BillyThomson]

but I will tell you that I've been in your shoes and it has worked, perfectly.

you've done this with the same personality type girl that i'm dealing with? anyways i think you're right. how did you lay it on the girl? sorry, i dont know how to deal with this. all the girls ive chased were single so this is all new.

[haxan]

you've done this with the same personality type girl that i'm dealing with?

Yes.

I just told her that I think she's a sweetheart and incredibly gorgeous (which she was). I said if things ever change with you and your boyfriend give me a call. She called me 2 days later

You may have to work in the fact that you don't want to just be friends, if that's an issue. It wasn't in my case, because we weren't chat buddies, just professional acquaintances.

I like to say to people "know your customers" (i.e. know what type of person you're dealing with). You know her, so be yourself, but say what you need to say and move on. Like I said, if you have a lot to offer and if she's into you, she won't let you walk away. If she does, then she never would've made you more than a friend/ego boost regardless.

Guys that have it going on don't have to play games or be a mystery man. Leave that to the douches out there. Be yourself