How to Go from F_ck Buddy to Girlfriend?

[Ever After]

Sometimes, I overestimate myself. This is the mistake I made 4 days ago when I slept with a complete stranger (and for the first time in my life, no less) in less than an hour after meeting him. I thought I would be okay if I never heard from him again. So after the fact, I mentally prepared myself for the fact that I was never going to see or hear from that person again, and that he was never going to call me, and that any compliment he gave me was probably a lie.

Lucky for me, I have heard from him again. He does call me, and every compliment he gave me wasn't a lie. Every time we see each other, we talk for hours and have sex. At first, I wasn't quite sure what this was, but now I've figured out that I've landed myself in a "f uck buddy" kind of situation. The problem is, I'm falling in love with him with every word he says. And I would really like to have him as a boyfriend. I'm just not sure how to ask him this after it's only been a few days, without sounding like a crazy person or scaring him off. I realize that I can't possibly know everything about him after only a few days, but I don't care...everyone has their flaws. If I were his girlfriend, I would worship the ground he walks on, and love every minute of it. Seriously. He's been all I think about ever since I met him.

If I sound kind of immature, which I suspect I probably do to more experienced members of this board, it's because I am. So please forgive me for that. I'm the kind of person who falls in love very quickly and easily, but takes years to let go. That's why I'm an idiot for getting myself into this situation. I can fall in love with someone after a day, but take three freaking years to get over them. And maybe I'm confusing 'love' with a 'very strong crush', but the feelings are still very strong and take forever to go away, whatever they are. In the past, these feelings have always been unrequited, but now I'm not sure, since it seems like he does like me back and he says so. Not sure how to ask if a relationship can come from that, though.

Advice from anyone who's been in this situation, especially any males, would be GREAT. THANK you.

[MsAdele]

If you want to know more about him you should meet him in an environment that doesn't or can't end up in you having sex with him i.e. meet him in a coffee shop & chat not at your place. You say that you know absolutely nothing about him, he could be married, in a relationship or even have kids and you wouldn't know the difference. You need to pull back a bit and breathe and use your brain instead of your heart for a change. From the sounds of it this guy could only be using you for sex and he could be seeing this as a convenient long term thing while you are seeing it as him being interested in you. You need to set a few ground rules for yourself and don't be thinking of yourself as his girlfriend just yet you need to know where you stand with him. I don't think you should be afraid to ask him where you stand with him, you are the one that wants something more now whereas he might just want a "meeting of convenience"!! At least if you know where you stand now he won't break your heart further down the road where it will take longer for you to get over him.
I hope that helps.

[Ever After]

Yeah, we have met in public before but we always end up going to his house or doing it in the car or doing it in the woods...gosh, we've done it everywhere.

And he's divorced with one child...I do know most of the important stuff about him. I'd just really like to get past this f*ck-buddy thing we've got going on.

[distilled]

He has fresh pussy that he can tap on demand so of course he is going to say whatever he can to keep that going. You may be falling for him but this whole thing is a disaster waiting to happen. I would never take a woman seriously if she was willing to have sex with me an hour after meeting. It would be great fun but I would not want that to turn into a relationship. But that's just me.

[Ever After]

^I hope he isn't like you, then No offense.
What would generally be the best manner/time in which to ask him, then?
I have to at least try. I'd probably have some serious emotional scars for the next 2-3 years if he moved on. What a let-down that would be, because I think he genuinely likes me...but then again, what do I know about what he's thinking.

[distilled]

I can't believe how much you are into him after only knowing him for 4 days. You are ready to worship the ground he walks on? That's real healthy. There is no best time/manner. Just tell him where you stand, that you want more than just sex. If he is really interested in you then he won't mind.

[vashti]

If you want to know if he cares about more than sex, you will have to stop f-cking him and see if he still comes around. I doubt he will, though.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You sound really crazy, and he is going to most likely run for the hills if you tell him you're falling in love and want to be his girlfriend. Just tell him that you want more than a **** buddy relationship, and if he's not willing to do that, then it's been fun but you have to exit. You sound like a looney toon though, so I doubt you'll be able to back off even if he says he doesn't want a relationship.

[misombra]

Say no and keep your legs closed. Repeat aforementioned steps next time you meet a guy.

If you keep doing this you're going to get herpes.

[smackie9]

If you ever want a f uck buddy again, here are some guidelines. Don't hang out with them or do very little, don't text them about your day, etc, spend very little time talking (too much communication can lead to emotional attachment). Just have sex and then leave. Never limit all you time to your f uck buddy, make sure you date other people. Keep your personal life separate. Always use protection.

[sssspanos]

I see everybody answering like if you are the victim and the guy is hurting you...

I totally disagree. In fact I envy you two guys! There will be a time in the near future you will recall these moments you two were meeting sexually almost everywhere and wish this could last forever... Well that's love!

To my opinion keep on what you are doing and TALK more. Don't "close" your legs (for heaven shake how can you do it - you want him as a woman!) I had a case like this, for 3 months sex was marvelous. When she denied for me it was like I was rejected and I was trying to find out what was wrong. Finally we lost this rare feeling and eventually separated...

All replies I read seem to lead to the following: "men live and enjoy sex, women handle it". I hope this is not true!

My best wishes. Maybe the guy will not want you as a girlfriend. Than you'll close your legs and go away. Because you choose it. And you always be happy about these days... On the other hand maybe what you call sex buddy is what he calls girlfriend.

Cheers all!

[Wakeup]

I'm the kind of person who falls in love very quickly and easily, but takes years to let go. That's why I'm an idiot for getting myself into this situation. I can fall in love with someone after a day, but take three freaking years to get over them. And maybe I'm confusing 'love' with a 'very strong crush', but the feelings are still very strong and take forever to go away, whatever they are. In the past, these feelings have always been unrequited,

Google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link. You are a sufferer by all accounts. Perhaps if you know what ails you, you'll not be so vulnerable to your bad habit.

but now I'm not sure, since it seems like he does like me back and he says so.

That doesn't mean he wants you as his exclusive gf. I would hope he would at least like you... he's very non-decerning about who he bags if he doesn't.

Not sure how to ask if a relationship can come from that, though.

Why do you think your vagaina will catch you a boyfriend? Sex is far to easy (and inexpensive) to obtain these days (your one date and then boom is an example) to be anything special. Therefore, it takes way more than sex to garner an exclusive bf.

Have you actually invited him over to cook him a meal or maybe done something outside of sex? Anything that will facilitate him bonding with you emotionally rather than just sexually? Keep in mind he will NOT be thinking like you, in your limerence have been thinking.

Advice from anyone who's been in this situation, especially any males, would be GREAT. THANK you.

One doesn't have to be experienced in the realm of **** buddidom or be a male to advise you to Stop screwing right away if your vagina has a direct link to your heart. As for wondering if he wants more than a shag... invite him to do something with you that is not near your car's back seat, yours or his bed/couch or any other horizontal shag-friendly devise and just get to know the essence of one another. If he turns you down then he's likely not wanting to bother with that. I'd not withold sex at this point. If he's got options (which he likely does) then he'll just go to them while he waits for you to fold. Which you will fold because you're hooked on how he makes you feel sexually; You mistake lust for love.

Don't forget to read up on "Limerence."

[Ever After]

Say no and keep your legs closed. Repeat aforementioned steps next time you meet a guy.

If you keep doing this you're going to get herpes.

Yeah...he's the only guy I've ever done this with. Given the stress and confusion that came after it, I definitely won't be doing that again. So no worries, there.

If you ever want a f uck buddy again, here are some guidelines. Don't hang out with them or do very little, don't text them about your day, etc, spend very little time talking (too much communication can lead to emotional attachment). Just have sex and then leave. Never limit all you time to your f uck buddy, make sure you date other people. Keep your personal life separate. Always use protection.

Yeah, that's what I thought was supposed to happen after the first time when I expected never to see him again. I expected there to be far less words involved, but he basically told me his whole life story...and continues to tell me virtually everything...and continues to keep telling me how much he likes me...which is why I'm royally confused and attached now.

So many mixed signals. This thing has all the characteristics of a "f*ck buddy" type of thing, but he does things I wouldn't expect a f*ck buddy to do, like introduce me to his brother (which he did last time) and tell me about his abused childhood and such...hmmm. I might just be chicken enough to text him the question, lol. (No I won't, I'm not like that).

Google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link. You are a sufferer by all accounts. Perhaps if you know what ails you, you'll not be so vulnerable to your bad habit.

Thanks for the term. I've never heard it before.

[Ever After]

Okay, I just read the majority of that article (provided by Wakeup). And...

Holy Cow on a Bicycle! It was spot on.

So now that we've discovered a term for it, I guess I'm officially a basket-case, huh?

It's probably best that I keep that to myself for now, though. Lol.

Have you actually invited him over to cook him a meal or maybe done something outside of sex? Anything that will facilitate him bonding with you emotionally rather than just sexually? Keep in mind he will NOT be thinking like you, in your limerence have been thinking.

That's a good idea, thanks.

[smackie9]

Yeah, that's what I thought was supposed to happen after the first time when I expected never to see him again. I expected there to be far less words involved, but he basically told me his whole life story...and continues to tell me virtually everything...and continues to keep telling me how much he likes me...which is why I'm royally confused and attached now.

.

When things change like this, you are supposed to stop and talk to him about it, not get all confused. Communication is key, clear the air, speak out, not guess.