Should I treasure him? f*ckbuddy turned boyfriend

[dumdeedum]

Hi, I am new to this forum. I really need some advice here. Its going to be a long post but I hope you all can stick with it.

I met this guy at work end of last year and we dun really talk to each other. He is a nice guy and had a girlfriend which was with him for 2 years. afterthat we started to hangout together with my other colleagues, but we are still not close, we only meet each other during work or had lunch/dinner together with other friends. I had a bf too, which was with me for almost 6 years. But this new guy i met i work I really wanted to be close with him, not because i want to flirt or have sex with him, just attracted to be friends. Shortly after that I broke up with my bf that time. I was of course heartbroken and cant stop crying, even had suicidal thoughts. I always wanted friends to accompany me, dun wanna be alone or stay at home because I am afraid my parents would be worried. Then 1 weekend, my girlfriend suggested probably i can follow him back to the place he lived (in a city) which is about 1 hour drive away for the weekends. She can meet me up on saturday while I can stay at his house for friday. Knowing that he had a girlfriend I kinda reject the idea, but I so wanted to someone's company, at last i called and ask if he is free on saturday so i could just drive there and meetup with him and my girlfriend. However he suggested that maybe I can just follow him back since I dunno my way around and I agreed on it. Thats how we got close. However, nothing really happened that weekend, he was a gentleman and comfort me and listen to me while I rant on my broken relationship. Amazingly it was the first time I told someone about my broken relationship without crying.

Few weeks later, he also broke up with his girlfriend. Not because of me, just that he cant seem to stand long distance relationship. Eventhough we got closer after I stayed at his house, we nv did anything other than friendly chats on whatsapp which is not even flirty. And I do realised we had a lot in common and I too become a listener while he talked to me about his girlfriend. Fst forward few weeks later, it was valentine's and we had a party at my fiend's place. Both of us drank a lot, I was extremely tipsy so I didnt go home so as not to make my parents worried, and he was totally wasted. We slept in our friend's living room sofa. In the middle of the night i heard a huge thud, and I woke up saw him sitting in the kitchen, obviously just vomited. I went to help him up but he pulled me to him and we kissed. For the whole night we made out and talk and laugh. The nextday became so awkward. After that, I always went to his house and we had sex. We became what we known as f*ck buddy. Of course we keep it a secret from other colleagues.

However, we seems like no other f*ckbuddy, everytime after we had sex we often talk, he caressed my hair, andhe watch me while i fall asleep. It is a wonderful feeling, but we also realised that perhaps this is getting somewhere more than jus a f*ckbuddy. Then, we get into a serious relationship. Still keeping it a secret from other colleagues. BUt we made no attempt to conceal we are close. Eventhough I had been with him for a short period, I thought about getting married to him. It is unusual because I used to think that I only want to get married at 30 or more. But I am not even 25 yet. I think he is sensitive, caring, and a responsible man who can take care of his families. We also shared same interests in which normally people my age dun have. I seriously think he is The One for me.

Recently, we had fights. Sometimes I said smething he doesnt like he would just keep quiet and dun want to talk to me until he cool off which can be like 2 or 3 days. And after that we will act like nothing happens. I know we should communicate but I really dunno where to start. We got into a fight again yesterday, this time I asked him if he has anything he want to tell me, he said my attitude makes him feel belittled and he feel I am sarcastic towards him, and he had been tolerating me for many times but he really cant take it any longer. There are actually misunderstanding in this fight, but I do admit that sometimes the way I say things might be consider as belittling him, but I actually dun mean any harm, I am saying it because think he is so close to me, I do not need to hide my words when I want to express something, usually it is just something that I would like him to be more initiative. Fyi, he is everything I want except that he likes to procrastinate things. I grow up from a family thinking that my husband should be someone that will have everything planned properly and not me being the one having to worry about getting everything planned. I still love him nevertheless, it is just a flaw I am learning to accept. Yet I think I may have bashed out on him sometimes, I am willing to apologise and change my attitude towards this, but he said he need to think things over again, he thinks I should too. Ad I had been thinking what I really wanted. Come to think of it I dun really know my feelings to him is it love? I dun have the butterfly in ur stomach feeling even when we just started, it is comfortable to be with him, it seems like the right thing and I trusted my guts. But the thing is I think I am not sure if he loves me, he told me before he would never put love as top priority, I am not asking for top, but at lease I must be someone he love, someone irreplaceable, but I feel that sometimes maybe he love me because we became close as f**ckbuddy first and we share common interest, I feel replaceable. Now we are still thinking things over, but I can sense that he wants a breakup because he said I am not the girl he thought I was (belittle him in sarcastic ways ) I am so depressed now, what should I do, do you think I should tried everyway possible to save this relationship? Or we are just not compatible?

I am sorry for being long winded. I hope your have the patience to read through these! Thank you!

[smackie9]

You are infactated with him, not in love. Thoughts of marriage at this stage is normal, and are just fantasy...should neverbe taken as serious thoughts. You are just using him to fill your lonliness from your breakup. See it for what it is and for what it is not. This guy is an asshole. He has issues, and they are not because of what you say or do, it's just the way he is. I suggest you learn to be happy as a single person, and gain strength from being independent. Life teaches you leassons, and this situation you are experiencing is showing you that, a man cannot give you a life, and cannot be responsible for your happiness, only you as an individual can do this. So end this relationship, and learn that it's OK to be on your own. Learn to heal, and to love yourself.....it will free you from this misery.

[dumdeedum]

Thanks for the advice smackie9, I used to think I used him as a tool to get over my past relationship. But I dun think it is so anymore. I had not been talking with him for few days now, seems that I am actually capable of getting a happy single life. I am able to appreciate family and friends more. Today, we are supposed to talk. We havent talk yet but it seems pretty sure that he doesnt want this relationship to continue anymore. And I had been crying non-stop since he last message me today. I feel so stupid now, seems like I am the only one giving my hearts out while all the while I seemed to be someone replaceable. He said last time he used to miss coming back here, now he is not anymore. I hope my feelings to him is really as u said infatuation, at least now I feel less pain. Perhaps I would need a long time to heal again before I get into another relationship.