Two woman, unsure what to do.

[mrjones]

This is a weird situation so bear with me please.

So i have been with my fiance for 6 years and we have a 5 year old daughter together. The reason we have never been married is because her and I have always had some issues that we could never work out. One major one being communication. My bigger issue with her is that she lets everything bug her and will hold the slightest thing against me for years anytime she gets mad. She is very kind hearted and a good person but is easily influenced by her mother who is very unintelligent and thinks the whole world is out to get my fiance.

October 2011 we met a couple (sally and john) and became very good friends with them. My fiance and I became better friends with sally than I did john because he was kind of a jerk. They were not as well off as we are and I invited them on a two week vacation and offered to pay for them and their two kids. John said he could not get work off but to still invite sally and the kids so I did. We go on Vacation and after week one my fiance and I get into a blow out fight and break up (she was unable to go with the flow of things and have a good time and ended up alienating my sister and her kids, who i invited to meet up with us for a few days of the trip). Fiance decides she is flying to go see family for the second leg and vacation and told me she did not want us coming so we continued up to the cabin I had rented for the second leg of the vacation. During this time I became very close to sally, not sexually at all though. Talking to her was helping me through everything when i was feeling down and she had a similar situation going on (which i helped her through at the same time) because John was pissed that she did not say no to going on vacation with her toddler and 6 year old without him (even though he told me to still invite them). So during the vacation they broke up as well because of him trying to be manipulative and also because he was very abusive and she never had a way out until I offered to loan her a car and loan her the money to get on her feet since he always would threaten to leave her and the kids high and dry if she left him (which he did end up doing).

Upon returning home my ex and I decided to give things one final shot and they did not work, she still showed the same negative behaviors that constantly caused me to be unhappy, the biggest being not letting shit go after saying she was going to. Now a few months later we have been on and off for a month at a time. Well this last month we have not been together and Sally told me she had feelings for me and I started thinking about it and realized I had feelings for her as well. She is a good girl who treats me very very well (I also saw she treated her ex of 4 years very very well even though he was terrible and abusive to her the whole time) so I know she is a great girl. I care about her children and her daughter and mine are really good friends. My ex and I have still lived together the whole time because she has no where to go and has been looking for an affordable place. She found out the other day about us and just lost it, she was terribly disrespectful and rude about it and then called her mom who told her all sorts of things to do, which were all bad things to do. Now she is begging for me back saying she will tell her mom to quit with the drama and that she will let the past go and forget about the fact that Sally and I developed feelings for one another and that she just wants her family to stay whole. My fiance is a good girl who is loyal and caring but as you can see she has some serious issues. She has trust issues and a few weeks ago i caught her leaving a recorder on while she was at work trying to catch me up to no good(this was her moms idea so that if she needed to she could take me to court over our daughter) the girl i know would never do this on her own. I know she feels shitty about it but i am to a point that i feel like i can no longer make excuses for her when she is the one ultimately doing the things she is being told to do.

I would love nothing more than to be a happy family with my ex, life would be much easier that way but I do not see her being able to hold to her promise, she always promises something and then is unable to hold to it. I find myself being very jealous of the thought of her being with someone else and I do not know if it is just normal or if that is a sign saying I should keep trying.

Here is where it gets tough, Sally has told me she loves me and has had feelings for me for awhile because I always stuck up for her to John and would not let him hurt her and because she has never met someone who treats her as well as i do. She also treats me very well and meshes with me so much better than my ex ever did. I am unsure of how strong my feelings are for Sally but currently my ex said if i decide to make things work than Sally can't be in my life, which I will never allow happen. So my question is do i try and make things work with my ex and trust that she has hit rock bottom to the point of finally realizing it is time to change or she will never be happy in any relationship as long a her, I and Sally can all stay friends (which i could be just friends if i had to, it would be tough at first but i could) or do I just keep advancing with Sally and just deal with the fact that I know my ex will be pissy about it. For what it is worth my ex without me will not have a very good quality of life, she will have to get an apartment and will live paycheck to paycheck and that is with me supplementing her income. Where as I will do just fine financially and still enjoy the same quality of life i had before her and while with her. Which may be part of the reason i keep being unsure of what to do because i feel guilty about where her life will go when deep down she is a sweet caring person she just is easily influenced and does not always show it.

Sorry for the Novel,
Thanks

[mrjones]

For what it is worth Sally and I have been very good friends since like December on because I am self-employed and she was a stay at home mom so on nice days I would invite her and her kids to do stuff with my fiance, child and I or just my child and I is my fiance was working so we got to know each other very well, which helps explain the feelings that occured so quickly in my eyes.