To Stay in Marriage or Leave

[AngelaJill10]

hi
i just need some input into my situation and what other opinions are out there.

i am 42 and have been married for 5 years.we have 2 children age 3 and 4.
my husband and i dated for only 3 months before we got married.
i guess that i was swept along with everything.he is american and i am from the UK.

it seemed all new and a new way of life.i suppose i wasnt madly in love with him but i do really care for him and he is a very good dad.
before i met him i had a lot of boyfriends but no one who seemed really sure of what he wanted in a relationship.my husband made it known that he loved me and wanted a family which was what i wanted at the time.

things have been ok....until 7 months ago when my husband lost his job. he has some income coming in from other venues but it is not that much so i am starting to get really quite stressed about it all.it has caused a lot of arguements and we hardly have sex anymore ..i dont find him appealing . i work so most of everthing is on me...not what i expected when moving to another country.
we have discussed it and i will move back to the Uk if he has not got a job by dec/jan as i have a property there which will be available in march. he may then look for a job there but its not decided.

6 years ago i dated a guy who i liked so much ,the only thing is that i never felt like i was a priority.even though he was 38 at the time he was a bit immature. i ended it because things were not moving along as i wanted but i always thought of him and regretted ending it after only 5 months but i guess i wasnt getting any younger ....we kept in contact over the years and recently we met up and spent the night together.it was amazing...physically we were a really good match .he is married too now 4 years .no kids. he told me he loves me and he f....d up 6 years ago .he is probably wondering whether he could take me and my two children on ...
his wife found out a few texts from us so s...t has hit the fan with him...he doesnt know what he wants and neither do i at the moment.
i know that i cant stay here in a marriage where my husband is not working .he is looking for work and always having meetings etc and on the phone or computer and makes me lunch etc but i just want him to bring some income in...

[surfhb]

So much for the term " for better or worse". News alert! We're in a depression right now so it may be awhile before he works again. So it all comes down to $$ for you? That's all you mention?

Looks like you're giving up without even trying to help fix the situation? Have you seeked marriage counseling ? Because, as it is, you are just a filthy cheat at this point. You have disrespected yourself, your husband and your kids.

My advice is to seek out some third party therapy

[Boisdevie]

You married the guy after knowing him for only 3 months? Seriously? If that really is the case then you really are a very very stupid person and I suspect any advice from us will count for nothing. Welcome to the shitty life that you yourself have created.

[InYourFACE]

You are a bad bitch and and a slut! for real!

So now that he lost his job , you suddenly remember a old friend that you use to date?

I thnk you are a bad woman! yOU JUMP Quickly in every relationship.
and also in his marriage. just cause you have hard times in your marriage doesnt mean you
have to go destroy other peoples marriage.

You cant even make your marriage work, so why are you messing in other peoples relationship.
Dont you have enough problems at home?

And you dont even know what love is.
You need to have more self esteem. for the sake f your kid and yourself.
You knew 3 months was to short to get marry. But you said yes at the church for
in bad and good times.

So why d you want to leave and all of that and jump on another men, already when you have bad times in
your marriage.? what kind of wife are you?
Did you just use your husband for his income?!!

You have a bad attitude . Your attitude should be: HELP , WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP MY HUSBAND.
WE ARE GOING TRUE A HARD TIME NOW.
WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE SOME MONEY TO HELP OUR SITUATION.

BBut, no, you just want to jump from men to men, as long as there is fun.

You are bad. and a shame ! I never saw a woman like this on this forum!

[InYourFACE]

You are a old ass, start taking responsibility for your actions. you married him intentionally that fast so
stand for it! That is what grown ups do!

[surfhb]

You are a old ass, start taking responsibility for your actions. you married him intentionally that fast so
stand for it! That is what grown ups do!

Im sorry OP for these post from In Your Face...shes our resident troll here on the forums. Take it all with a grain of salt

[InYourFACE]

Im sorry OP for these post from In Your Face...shes our resident troll here on the forums. Take it all with a grain of salt

do i know you? get the hell out, retrded stalker, sick peace off shit stop keeping your head in my ass everywhere.

[surfhb]

There are many things Id like to stick in your ass...but certainly not my head

[Wakeup]

6 years ago i dated a guy who i liked so much ,the only thing is that i never felt like i was a priority.even though he was 38 at the time he was a bit immature. i ended it because things were not moving along as i wanted but i always thought of him and regretted ending it after only 5 months but i guess i wasnt getting any younger ....we kept in contact over the years and recently we met up and spent the night together.it was amazing...physically we were a really good match .he is married too

But does he have money? Best make sure you as a golddigger can actually keep digging for gold before you lift up stakes.
One more word for you to contemplate while you're thinking only of yourself ~ "Karma"

[AngelaJill10]

Can I just say that I am an independant woman
I have my own property and I work full time and I have for 25 years
I don't know why people on here are so mean with the comments .
Life is not always black and white and it is not always about the money or else I could have married for money when I was 25.

[IndiReloaded]

Okay, so money isn't the issue. Good.

But you do have young children, and a divorce isn't going to help anyone. Help your husband find work. Its hard out there right now. You made a commitment, don't go breaking it just b/c things have gotten tough.

[surfhb]

Can I just say that I am an independant woman
I have my own property and I work full time and I have for 25 years
I don't know why people on here are so mean with the comments .
Life is not always black and white and it is not always about the money or else I could have married for money when I was 25.

Go back and read your post....thats the ONLY issue you stated. Were not being mean (well beside that troll)....were just giving you an unbiased assessment of the situation you painted. If there are other issues in your marriage please state them. But, as I see it, you are cheating on your obligations in life....this includes everyone around you.

[Wakeup]

he said he loved me and he could take me and my two children on

If that doesn't sound like you're doing this because you're too afraid to do it on your own and that you don't have the money to do it then I don't know what does. Now, you come back in and say that you're financially capable of living on your own so; if things are so bad with your husband then why don't you do just that. Pack up yourself and your children (because staying simply for them is not doing you or them any good as they watch you and your husband be angry, indifferent and resentful of one another) and learn to actually be able to live without ANY man until at least you are happy in your own skin.

You jump from one dysfunctional situation (your marriage) into another with a cheating dweeb who thinks he loves you because you screwed him one night behind your spouses backs. Not the best foundation to start out on now is it? Just what do you think you're teaching your children should you leave their father to go live with another man? Respect them and yourself a little more than for goodness sakes.

You may be an independent woman but not when it comes to men. Leave if you must but don't do it because you think some married man loves you and can take care of you and your kids. Doing that is hardly an Independent woman.

Leave and live alone with your children until you really are an independent woman or make things work with the father of your children. That is having self-respect and your children will appreciate you much better than if you pick up with the dweeb.

[Boisdevie]

Can I just say that I am an independant woman

But clearly not one with a functioning brain. Get married after 3 months of knowing somebody? Can you explain how that is a sensible thing to do from an independent woman?

[uap5765]

It seems that instead of trying to help solve the problem, you are trying to find an emergency exit of some sort. But by doing this, you're just planting more seeds of problems by sleeping with an ex you dated 6 years ago. You should do your best to think clearly before doing anything impulsive. If you find yourself about to self-destruct or creating problems, just PAUSE for a while and then give yourself reasons why you should not do these things. Instead, plan for the future of your family. Think of your kids, and if you are in your kids' position, would you like your mother to act this way?

Good luck and hope things will turn out well for you.