moving in with my boyfriend

[Lynda]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, we have talked about buying a house and living together. Of course he will buy the house because I don't have the money right now since I have lost my job. So the house will be in his name only. I have talked to him about why he doesn't want to put my name on the papers, he said cause i don't have money and if anything happens etc.... I am a little old fashion about this, I find that if you are with someone and you intend on having a future together than it's just normal to share everything together. I would do it if I was the one with the money. I would put his name on the papers also. Things were like that with my ex. I stayed home for years with the kids and he always put my name on the houses we bought and our money was in the same account. I made a lot less than him but I was in charge of the budget and the money. I 'm afraid that it will put limits on our relationship, in the sense that he won't see us as equals. I must tell you that I lost my job a year before we met, so I had to sell my house in april 2012, he tried to do what he could so I wouldn't have to sell, he even wanted to buy it for me. He as lent me 10,000$ to help me pay my morgage till i sold it. I gave him back the money the minute I sold. I want your advice if my feeling sad is normal. We talked about it and I was crying and i told him that if you are starting a life with someone and already you are seeing that it might not last, then you are going backwards not forward.

I do understand he's fears of losing the money he invested but, when you love someone don't you see past that and share your lives?

[Jack1]

It sounds like there are some trust issues with the two of you or perhaps he is just being cautious just in case. Maybe it would be best to wait until you get a job before buying a house together? Sorry I cant be of more help, I guess there is no easy answer. I do hope you work things out though.

[Boisdevie]

I can understand him being cautious. Effectively you're asking him to buy you half a house. Now if you were the mother of his children that I could understand but you're not. And presumably by his age he knows that relationships do fail. Yours might not but it can happen.

[boom43]

I can understand him being cautious - honestly, if I was him it would bother me that you would even ask to have your name on the deed. You're not married and I'm assuming you would have mentioned if you two were even considering marriage.

There is a HUGE difference between taking the step of moving in together and taking the step of making a major purchase together. And considering it's 100% his money paying for the house it only makes sense that it's in his name only... it IS his house.

[knowingher]

agree in other replies.. he just being cautious and I also agree about "trust issues"

[InYourFACE]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, we have talked about buying a house and living together. I would put his name on the papers also. Things were like that with my ex. I stayed home for years with the kids and he always put my name on the houses we bought and our money was in the same account.

So you are someone that love to live together and let bf, buy houses with your name on it while
you have less input??( looking at the HOUSES you said your ex brought with also your name on it)is it a hobby yours???.

You barely know this dude, the first year is for shore the romantic one. its the time where people are crazy about each other. and doesn't really look at the reality,while years pas by people start seeing each others bad behavior and those in-love feelings can become less strong.

And i think that is why woman get fooled that much.
Cause you would add the name of this dude on the papers you said.
But he clearly is a smart guy! so far you can say that.
Cause he dont choose to take things slow and to get to know you and put a ring(marry) on your finger.
And doenst want your name on the papers. cause he know he dont know you that long and dont know
how things will work out.

I think you sound like some kind of goldigger that wants him to put your name so you can
have some of his cake.
And he dont know you that well and when a guy choose to live together with a girl instead of marry her
is a sign of trust and knowing that you are not the one.
But it may be also cause you dont mind him marry you. as long as its fun.


Looking at how short you both know each other and already wants to make big decision like buying a house
i cant blame this dude.
cause if you break up with him after he signs the papers with your name on it, he will be in trouble,

so you can only blame yourself right now for jumping into things that fast.

[InYourFACE]

living togheter is far frm being married.

so you cant choose the lower step(live together) or agree with it and demand to get the higher treatment(married).

[haxan]

Why is it so important for you to have your hand in the money? It's as legitimate of a question as to you wondering why you are not.

As long as things are getting done, what's the difference?

[VincenzoG91]

If you were really old-fashioned, you wouldn't live with the guy before marrying him, and then this wouldn't be an issue. He is being sensible. Why should he risk such a major asset on a relationship that isn't as serious as a marriage yet?

[Lynda]

I would just like to clarify that my ex, was my ex husband for 21 years and I am not a gold digger, just to put things strait, my bf is not the richest of guys and I am not with him for his money what so ever and he knows it. I never ask him for anything, I pay my own bills and I try to manage my stuff alone. it's just the fact that i see it as doing something together and being a part in it. buying a house is a big thing. and it's a new begenning for both of us. I thought that if we both participate equally in the decisions on where to buy, how big a house, budget etc... that's how things are done when you are a couple no? if something was to happen and it didn't work out, i do not want his money. If he wants I can sign a paper saying that he will get the money that he put in it. Let's face it, It 's not like i will be living in the house for free. I will be paying for it too, so isn't that important also?

So to judge me and say i'm a gold digger is wrong. I 've been with one man in my life before him so if it was a question of money I would of stayed married cause my ex husband was rich and had the freedom to do anything. yet I was unhappy so i got a divorce, so if that doesn't prove that i'm not a gold digger than nothing does.

So you are someone that love to live together and let bf, buy houses with your name on it while
you have less input??( looking at the HOUSES you said your ex brought with also your name on it)is it a hobby yours???.

You barely know this dude, the first year is for shore the romantic one. its the time where people are crazy about each other. and doesn't really look at the reality,while years pas by people start seeing each others bad behavior and those in-love feelings can become less strong.

And i think that is why woman get fooled that much.
Cause you would add the name of this dude on the papers you said.
But he clearly is a smart guy! so far you can say that.
Cause he dont choose to take things slow and to get to know you and put a ring(marry) on your finger.
And doenst want your name on the papers. cause he know he dont know you that long and dont know
how things will work out.

I think you sound like some kind of goldigger that wants him to put your name so you can
have some of his cake.
And he dont know you that well and when a guy choose to live together with a girl instead of marry her
is a sign of trust and knowing that you are not the one.
But it may be also cause you dont mind him marry you. as long as its fun.


Looking at how short you both know each other and already wants to make big decision like buying a house
i cant blame this dude.
cause if you break up with him after he signs the papers with your name on it, he will be in trouble,

so you can only blame yourself right now for jumping into things that fast.

[surfhb]

There is no future until you decide to marry this man. Neither you or him are at this point so why would you buy a house together? Once you are married you can put your name on the deed.

It's a good idea to Buy a Place right now but to expect him to pay for it while putting his GF on the deed is a little ridiculous. He even told you his reasoning

The guy gave you 10 grand so it's not like he cares.

Why are you not talking about marriage if that's the Plan?

[dem862]

Marriage is a legal contract, part of which is business. You are asking your boyfriend for a real claim to a real asset, but your only contribution is a future relationship, which may or may not actually succeed. In effect, you are asking for something for nothing. Now if you are contributing to the payments of the mortgage, you may have some right to future equity (or loss) in the property. But you should have a written contract that says that is the intended purpose of your contribution and keep receipts or proof of payments. After a breakup, normal rational people suddenly can become bitter and greedy. He could claim your payments were rent. It would take a judge to settle such a claim if your boyfriend objects. In court, the burden would be on you to prove otherwise, since the title to the property is in his name only.

[Maple1714]

I am in a similar situation, but I own the house.

Will you be paying half of the mortgage every month? Then when and *if* you guys split up you should have a contract written up stating that he will give you back the $$$ you have put into the house. He will give you back the monthly amount that you have been paying over the years...that is only fair b/c if he sells the home obviously he will get all the money and some of that is yours. If you decide to get married then your name should be added to the title of the home.

[Cerby]

I live with my girlfriend in the house I have purchased before we started dating. I had a contract written up that she will pay me rent (no more than she paid at her studio apartment) and that she has no legal standing in the ownership of the house until the time we choose to get married, at which point I will sign her into partial ownership. She had no problem with this and stated she would feel bad asking to own part of a house which she can't afford, and hasn't put any money into.

I think it is fair, she can't afford to pay even half of my mortgage payment, so she has no entitlement to the house, and it works. I think you shouldn't ask to be signed into something you can't afford, I think you should wait until you either choose to get married, or can afford to put your name on the deed. Nothing in life is free, and even though you're not a gold digger, you're asking for 1/2 of a house without putting in 1/2 of the cash.

[iamaninnocentma]

I live with my girlfriend in the house I have purchased before we started dating. I had a contract written up that she will pay me rent (no more than she paid at her studio apartment) and that she has no legal standing in the ownership of the house until the time we choose to get married, at which point I will sign her into partial ownership. She had no problem with this and stated she would feel bad asking to own part of a house which she can't afford, and hasn't put any money into.

I think it is fair, she can't afford to pay even half of my mortgage payment, so she has no entitlement to the house, and it works. I think you shouldn't ask to be signed into something you can't afford, I think you should wait until you either choose to get married, or can afford to put your name on the deed. Nothing in life is free, and even though you're not a gold digger, you're asking for 1/2 of a house without putting in 1/2 of the cash.

You charge your gf/bf rent to live in your house? haha, Quite the catch arnt you? I give it a year and she/he will be riding the window cleaner like a derby winner. Dont say i never tried to warn you.