In love with 2 men

[haxan]

Maple, the odds that your ex wants to be with you 'happily ever after', after you've been serious with someone else AND had a child, are slim to none. Move forward with your life.

[Maple1714]

Haxan, I know. Honestly, I think I need to go talk to someone...a professional. All these feelings just keep getting drudged up every time I see him. I have never seen a psychiatrist before b/c I always try to be strong and deal with things on my own...but maybe this time I need some outside help...not my friends or my family..someone totally objective like you all here on this forum.

[haxan]

You don't need a shrink. One of the hardest things to do in life is apply our own good judgment and honest, realistic approach to ourselves. Going back hardly ever works, you know that. Add to the fact that you're not bringing the same package as before. He didn't give you 100% last time, when you were carefree and life was easy. What would he give now with a child and child's father in the mix all of the time?

Things may not be great in your eyes now, but if you do move on, move forward.

[Maple1714]

Haxan - Thank you for your responses. It is hard for people to take their own advice. Our mind gets clouded by emotion/ego and our own self doubt. I will keep moving forward. Just a minor set back this weekend I guess. I made my choices and learned from them, so I just need to stay focused on the future. Old habits die hard!

[IndiReloaded]

John is still a child and doesn't know what he wants. Choose him, and you'll end up shredded. The attraction for John is that terrible urge for women to 'fix' these kinds of men (if I can make him settle down and love only me, then I must be something damn special). Bob loves you and sounds like a good guy. Let the good guy win this one. Oh, and in doing so, you'll win too.

Congrats on working through all this. You sound like a sensible gal.

[Maple1714]

Indi - thank you. I am trying my best. I have been able to step outside the situation and see exactly what you mean. Those damn feelings of desire and attraction are just hard to overcome! And I know those feelings I have are purely emotional and not in my best interest. Bob is wonderful and loves me very much.

[Maple1714]

Well....after running into my ex a few times and being friendly towards him, he thought that was some kind of green light...

He texted me and asked me to have lunch with him. He called me "babe" and said he wanted to get together soon and its been great seeing me out more and blah blah. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven't responded I am proud of myself and honestly this forum helped me to look at the situation more objectively and make the right decision (so far). So thanks to all of you.

It's hard to not give in to a man when he says nice things to you and you know he wants you....and when you have a past. But, it's just not worth it for me. I was girl when I met him and I hope I am growing up. I realize that he just wants what he can't have...I am 100% unavailable and that is the ONLY reason he wants to see me and I am sure sleep with me again. Those kinds of men are just boys. I have to be an example for my daughter to one day be a strong woman herself...so the ex can **** off

[InYourFACE]

I dont believe in people being inlove with 2 people or love 2 people.

I think people think its like that cause they are selfish and dont want to lose the good things they have
with both.

They are afraid to make a choice , cause they dont know if it will be the right one,

so best thing to do is step out of it and dont them date.
just get to know yourself and find out what you really want and stands for.

instead of messing around

[Maple1714]

I dont believe in people being inlove with 2 people or love 2 people.

I think people think its like that cause they are selfish and dont want to lose the good things they have
with both.

They are afraid to make a choice , cause they dont know if it will be the right one,

so best thing to do is step out of it and dont them date.
just get to know yourself and find out what you really want and stands for.

instead of messing around

I wish I could delete your post

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I wish I could delete your post

Why? This post is bang on, even if the poster is an imbecile and a lunatic.

Congrats on not being a sucker.

[Maple1714]

Why? This post is bang on, even if the poster is an imbecile and a lunatic.

Congrats on not being a sucker.

B/c if she would have read all of the previous posts, she would know I have moved past the original question...worked through that already. I know I am not in love with either of them and I know I was being selfish. She/he/it already responded months ago saying pretty much the same thing...so it annoys me.

[haxan]

Good for you, Maple. Moving forward is the only way in life. Hey, even if what you have now isn't forever after, there will be someone knew waiting down the road. Recycling garbage that you've (we've) already discarded is a lose-lose situation.

[Jack1]

It seems like your indecisions are going to ruin your relationship and probably result in separation. Perhaps try and get counseling to fix the issues you are having with your current boyfriend? In the end its up to you to pick one, since its a bad idea to go on like this not knowing what you really want. The fact that you have a child just makes it so much worse.

[smackie9]

I see the old habit of getting bored with the relationship has risen it's ugly head again. This comes to light because "Jack" shows an interest in you. Don't get fooled by those old emotions. The reality is things do slow down when you settle into a long term committed relationship. Dumping and finding new love is never the answer. If you are finding yourself constantly fantasizing about relationships with others, you need to address this. It seems you need a "fix" so you dream of lovers, etc. This is obsessive compulsive behavior......maybe you need to seek out some professional counseling......to retrain your brain to appreciate what you have and to put your energy into something else that makes you feel fulfilled.

[Maple1714]

I see the old habit of getting bored with the relationship has risen it's ugly head again. This comes to light because "Jack" shows an interest in you. Don't get fooled by those old emotions. The reality is things do slow down when you settle into a long term committed relationship. Dumping and finding new love is never the answer. If you are finding yourself constantly fantasizing about relationships with others, you need to address this. It seems you need a "fix" so you dream of lovers, etc. This is obsessive compulsive behavior......maybe you need to seek out some professional counseling......to retrain your brain to appreciate what you have and to put your energy into something else that makes you feel fulfilled.

I never thought of myself as being OCD. I get so focused on something and then that's all I think about. I am obsessive sometimes. Overall I am pretty even tempered and just stay at home the majority of the time. But, yes I am bored with my current BF. I get bored and long for things/people from my past. I always tend to get bored of whatever my current situation is around 2-3yrs time. I have never lived in one place longer than a couple years...I have never been in a relationship longer than 3yrs..the longest I was at a job was 4 years and I was ready to leave earlier I just couldn't. I can't seem to stay put. I constantly crave new surroundings, people..stimuli. I don't think this is all necessarily a bad thing. I just think now that I have a child, I need to really stay put. But, I also think change can be a wonderful thing.

"Jack" comes back into my life and is exciting...says he cares about me and wants me to be happy..says he wants to be a friend to me and is there to talk whenever I need someone. I don't know what his motives are. He is messed up emotionally himself.

So here I am, bored again...feeling like I need to "escape" from time to time. I don't feel like this very much, just sometimes I want 10-12hrs period where I can go off and be alone or do something just for myself. I guess seeing an ex isn't a choice when you are in a LTR. My BF suffocates me...he says I am his whole world. He wants to be with me 24/7...he wants to get married....he doesn't make any effort to maintain friendships. He just wants me and his daughter and that makes me feel like I am now carrying 2 people through life. Being a mom feels natural to me...being a girlfriend is hard.