What should I do about this girl and this ridiculous "relationship"?

[veryconfusedguy]

For the past 4 months I have been seeing this girl from my past whom I have a lot of history with and now she has left me heart broken. She was my first real girlfriend and we lost our virginity to each other when we were 15. Fast forward 10 years, she gets in contact with me via Facebook and we start hanging out again. I was very hesitant to open up to her because I knew she was a flirtatious girl and didn't seem to solely interested in me. I express this and she tells me she is seeing other people and isn't interested in a relationship right now because she had recently been cheated on and wasn't ready to enter a new relationship. So I walk away and tell her ill contact her if I want to see her because I know I am not in the stage where I am trying to play games. I lost my mother 6 months ago and I am only 25 years old and I am dealing with a lot of head issues already. The last thing I wanted was more head games. A few weeks go by and she reaches out to me and says she misses me and wants to see me. I give in and see her. We continue to hang out and get deeper in a relationship however it still seems like she's isn't fully opening up even though I now am. She tells me she's only seeing me now and even though she is still fairly stand offish with her affection when I am not around her I move forward with the relationship. Labor day comes along and she's tells me she's going away on a camping trip. Deep down I knew it was with another guy but I tried to let it go. I saw her right before she left and confronted her. She said it was with a guy she used to date but didn't have feelings for him anymore and solely was going as a friend because she wanted to go camping. I walked away again and told her there was nothing left for us then. A week goes by with no contact and then she's texts me she misses me and doesn't care if I don't miss her and then follows up with a call. Like a sucker I let her come over. She's crying and telling me she's sorry and that nothing happened and she regrets going. She also tells me "I love you" and tells me the feeling of me holding her is "unlike any other". Two weeks go by after this and still nothing has changed. Yes she is exclusive with me but she's not giving me her all and she's not taking down her guard. I am giving so much with little return. Finally I lose it and have somewhat of a nervous breakdown. I just couldn't deal with her not giving me the respect I needed. So I wrote her a letter telling her I was depressed and needed space. The next day she texts me a picture of a letter that I sent her when I was 15 that "fell" out of her closet. It hurt so much because she pretty much ignored the huge letter of desperation I had sent her and she sends this? I don't talk to her for a few days and she hits me up via text. At this point I'm angry because its like she's ignoring/avoiding the situation and she's making me feel like I've done something wrong or that I am crazy but really she just hasn't been treating me right. Unfortunately I am so weak and desperate I have trouble communicating this with her properly and I have now opened my heart and have become semi "dependent" on her or the feeling of being loved. I know I'm in a desperate period in my life trying to fulfill the female void my mother passing has left me so I can't walk away. I am mean to her she stops talking to me. I wait a few days and apologize for being rude. I then tell her I'm a peace with the situation but really I wasn't. I knew I wasn't but part of me thought I was. I wasn't ready to be friends or casual. We start talking again and realize I still love her and need to prove I can help her get over being cheated on. So I confess my love for her and tell her I want to be there for her and to not be scare. I tell her 100% how I feel about her and how I need her in this stage of my life. She rejects me again and tells me she can't be in a relationship at this point in her life and can't give me what I need. I get upset and again try and walk away but she keeps trying to keep me around telling me she want to be there for me while copping with my mom. I step away for the night but wake up the next day with anger and am thriving for her attention so I start to bugging and harassing her with semi mean texts such as "where just 2 different people" and "why do you run from the people you love". She tells me to never call or text her again because I ruined our friendship and unfriends me on Facebook. Being the immature person I am, not able to drop it. I tell her she shouldn't have lead me on, she broke my heart she could've walked away if she didn't want me ect. I know she's who I want and part of me thinks she's just scared. What do I do? Is she just playing me? Is she confused? Do I contact her? If so when?

[smackie9]

OK dude, life has thrown you some curve balls....your mother's passing is out of your control, but jumping off into the deep end with this girl is. You must cut off all contact with this girl. She is manipulative, and is taking advantage of your weakness. It's a sick game she is playing, and you need to remove this poison from your life. Everyone has to go through the grieving process, I'm sorry for your loss but you have to stop burying your grief by using this girl. It's unhealthy, and you need to stand on your own two feet and do it on your own.

Delete her number, block her calls, emails, etc. The reality is, that you will not see the relationship you so hope for with her, not now, not next week, not ever.