Mr. New Guy

[dior01]

So... I've been single for a year and a half.

I was in a very traumatic roller-coaster ride of a relationship and finally ended up leaving my ex-fiancee sometime last spring. Since then I've had a couple of flings here and there but they never materialized into anything. (I'm referring to guys that I've dated after I passed my' rebound stage' and finally began to get over my ex.)

A little bit of background info on me: I'm very career driven and have been quite successful since I graduated University last year. I work out and live a healthy lifestyle. I rarely,if ever, go out and generally don't meet a lot of people. I used to dance pro Salsa as a hobby but even that has slowly died down when I got promoted a few months ago. I basically work, go straight to the gym after work, then I come home and sleep. I'm 26 but yet I'd rather spend my weekends cleaning or shopping, or re-organizing my closet than going out with friends.. and there's nothing I love more than sleep (when I can get it) or watching movies at home.. I don't know why I've matured so quickly..I used to love going out with friends when I was 19-20..but I slowly started getting annoyed with people (even my friends sometimes) and clubs,and guys and everything.. I've also been through a lot of heartache which aged me on the inside I think, but I also think that deep down I've always been this way or I wouldn't feel so good and so 'in my element' right now, right? .. so over the years I slowly built this routine I love so much.. the only problem is I don't have a lot of friends and I don't meet a lot of people.. especially guys.

I recently went on a tropical vacation for 2 weeks.. I went there with zero expectations other than to have fun and relax. I spent a week alone and my girlfriends met me there the second week.. it was great.

I met a guy the first night that my friends arrived. I'll explain everything from beginning to end because I really need advice.. I basically need to know if my instincts were right, if I'm over-analyzing and if I made the right decision in the end.. because like I said, I don't date often and I don't think I'm that good at it yet lol... and for some reason I really felt a spark with this guy so I'm questioning everything that happened.

Ok so I'm just going to be completely honest because that's what this forum is about.. I was drunk the first night we met.. really drunk.. it was my birthday and I wasn't planning on meeting a guy when I had ten shots in a row with my friends.. anyways, I was dancing and he came up to our group to say hi ..he kept saying how he thought we were such a funny, cool group of people and how we were the life of the party at this disco .(It was me, my friend, her brother and her brother's gf) He talked to all of us briefly just to say hi.. we kept dancing..I noticed he was cute but I was having too much fun to care.. then at some point he pulled me away and asked to talk to me alone.. we went at a table somewhere and started talking and there was so much chemistry and sparks between us that we started to kiss (I kissed him first) He asked for my number and than asked me if I gave him a fake number (I didn't) then we went back to dance and we kept dancing and kissing and dancing and kissing etc etc At some point I slipped and fell and cut my hand and my friends rushed me out of there without saying bye to him.. I thought that was the last time we would see each other (he wasn't staying at my resort, we met in the city at a local disco) but then I ran into him again the following night at a different bar in the city again! This time I was completely sober..(well almost) I was a lot more calm and collected but still dancing and having a great time with the same group of friends.. he inched his way close to me and somehow we started dancing closely again and this time he kissed me... and we kissed..and kissed..and kissed..and talked,and danced for hours.. my friends were making fun of us and making kissy faces because we were so gaga over each other (at least that's the impression I got) we said bye at the end of the night and then he told me that he would text me as soon as I get back home.(I forgot to mention that we found out we lived in the same neighbourhood back home..there were lots of other similarities too) One thing I really liked about this guy is that he told me his lifestyle is basically like mine.. he doesn't go out and focuses on his career and loves to stay in.

That night, my friend told me to stay away from this guy because he's trouble. She said that when we were all dancing on the dance floor he tried to come up behind her and grind with her while I was dancing with her brother's gf. I was a bit put off by that but kept thinking why would he be dumb enough to do that when he was also kissing me in front of all my friends... the next day my friend's brother came up to me privately in the ocean and brought up the topic of this guy... he told me that he thought his sister was jealous of me because this guy was totally her type and told me not to listen to her.. he also told me that he saw him dance behind her but it was very innocent and all in good fun.. I never confronted her about this because her brother asked me not to and we were on vacation so I wanted to have a good time. I must admit she was acting very jealous towards me even before this guy.. she kept comparing her butt to mine (I know it's silly but I'm being honest) because I have a big Latina butt and she thinks she has a butt but she doesn't.. she kept talking about it constantly and I was so irritated with her I wanted to scream but I kept trying to ignore her.. and when our friends would bring up this guy in conversation, she had this smirk on her face like "oh he wants me" because of that whole dancing thing..and again I was so irritated but did nothing about it because we were on vacation. I know jealousy is a human emotion.. I feel it sometimes too but it's how you act on it.. then again I'm sick of cutting off friends because they are jealous towards me.. I'll end up with nobody in my life! (advice appreciated) I forgot to add that this guy also exchanged numbers with my friend's brother.. I thought that was strange but I figured it was because they got along and they were the only 2 guys in our group.. I'm not going to stop him from being friends with my friends.. what's the big deal right?

K.. let's rap up this story.. so when I got home I started thinking about this guy a lot.. we had so much chemistry.. or at least I felt it. Some key things I remember him telling me when we were kissing both nights: "there's so much passion between us, I don't hang out with girls I don't like..so that means I must like you, I guess when you have a connection with someone you just know, if this doesn't work out between us I would still like to remain friends because you have a very cool energy about you" (that last comment.. was he setting us up for failure there or am I over-analyzing?)

He texted me the day after I told him I was getting back. And he texted me every other day for a week (i never initiated contact, it was always him) he never called but he said he was planning to.. he also never made plans for an actual date but he was talking about it.. again it had only been a week..and it was a work week (I got back Saturday and we were talking from Sunday to Friday at this point) Anyways, Thanksgiving long weekend comes up (this past wknd) and he texts me on the Friday to see how I am.. we talk briefly and flirt a bit and then he lets me go by saying: "ok bella, happy thanksgiving and I'll call you this week" ... not even 5 seconds later (not exaggerating) I get a message from my friend's brother saying that my guy just invited him to a house party he's having this wknd at his condo and told him to invite all of us.. what...the...heck.. I acted on impulse and send my guy a msg about it right away.. he responded casually that my friend has the address and i should come if I'm free..I asked him why he didn't invite me directly when he was JUST talking to me and he told me he didn't realise I needed a formal invitation and then invited me again. I was livid. I deleted his msgs and his number.. the wknd goes bye.. needless to say my friends and I didn't go to his party.. then Tuesday morning I am getting ready for work and he texts me at 8 am to say that he "missed the musketeers" (referring to me and my friends) this wknd.Then he said he was having another party this coming weekend and I should come if I'm not busy. I was being cold..and when he asked me what was wrong I told him that I thought it was weird and shady that he would invite my friends to his party at the same time he was texting me but didn't bother to mention his party to me.. and that on top of that he told me to have a good Thanksgiving (thanksgiving was after his party).. he apologized and said it was inconsiderate of him to think I would show up because he invited my friends and that he should have told me directly.. THEN out of nowhere.. he texts me "I'm sure we shared a lot of chemistry on vacation and I would like to get to know you better but both our workplace schedules hardly permit us for free time" so I told him that it's his party schedule not his work schedule that gets in the way and that the party invite thing really bothered me..and then I got really mad and told him where to go.. he responded that I'm making a big deal for no reason and that I didn't give him a chance to even get to know me and that he's not going to sit there and explain himself but he wanted me to know that "he wanted the approval of my friends before inviting me directly" (ya ok) he then said I'm a great dancer and I'm beautiful and goodbye and he wishes me all the best.. that was it.. I deleted his number again and we haven't talked since..

Now my insecurities are getting the best of me (I don't even know why because my confidence is bullet proof.. but my mind is wondering) and I'm wondering if he really does have a thing for my friend and that's why he invited her brother and told him to bring us? Is he that stupid to try to go for her? Why didn't he go for her directly on vacation then?? (she tried to suggest to me on the trip that he would have gone for her if it wasn't for her brother being there..and she even said to me that he told her "oh you're here with your brother that means no guy can go near you" ....that could be bs though) If he liked her first than nothing forced him to go for me after right? Why did he pull me away from the group then and not her?? I don't know what to think.. what was his motive behind this whole party invite thing..and did I make the right decision? Shouldn't he have fought a little harder to explain himself or try to make it up to me?

I could give more details to clarify but I don't want this to be 20 pages...

I guess it's too late now, but I would still like some insight on how to deal with my girlfriend and how I should deal with this guy.. (if I ever hear from him again which is not likely)...and if I had a right to feel the way I did...

Thank you

[Boisdevie]

Since you lead such a busy life I"m surprised you had the time to write all THAT. I also have a busy life and won't read your life story. Sorry but please make it a shitload shorter. You know, like GET TO THE ****ING POINT IN LESS THAN A GAZILLION ****ING WORDS.

[Maple1714]

I read most of it...skimmed. I think that things naturally fall into place when 2 people really feel something. He should have asked you to come to the party directly. He should have told YOU to invite your friends. I think you should just forget about this guy....it was a drunken vacation meet-up and that is all. He sounds weird. Good for you for being upfront with him though and telling him right away you were bothered by his actions. Forget him!! If he wanted to get to know you he would have asked you out on a date directly....he wouldn't give 2 shits about your friends.