Long term relationship concerns...what is wrong with me?

[DonnyB]

Hey everyone nice to meet you all. I am going to try my best to keep this short but this is the first time ive ever expressed these emotions so bare with me.
I have been a relationship with my gf for almost 9 straight years and we met when we were 16 years old. I honestly love her to death and she is the only girl who I have ever been with. To be honest we are both virgins because she wants to wait not so much for religious reasons but also for moral and stability for the "what if" scenario i guess. I do want to have sex with her but i will never force her and i respect her wishes. This Is not the issue ....ironically its actually the opposite. You see we have been together for so long and I love her with all I have and I know she feels the same way because she has told me on countless occasions. But our lives are changing now. She is getting a career now and I'm still a student who's just finishing off his university degree. But while shes moving on in life I feel like I'm screwed. She is going to be in a nice building downtown with successful potential partners and i am just afraid that I am going to get hurt. My brother has been cheated on twice, once by his now ex-wife and once by his gf. I don't know if this plays a factor into my current scare of being cheated on but I don't want this to bother me anymore. She starts working there soon and I don't wanna bring this up to her because i don't want her to think I don't trust her or even put the idea in her head. She is a beautiful girl with a stupidly caring personality I am just afraid to lose her and I don't know what to do guys. She has never once given me the impression that she could cheat or wants. She always tells me that she can never see herself kissing another face. Why this bothers me so much is because she has always worked in environments that were surrounded by 99% females..even her degree at university was populated by females. This is different, going to be new opportunities, different situation and challenges.
Please help me clear my head or some advice as to how to cope because this is ripping me apart. I refuse to be the guy who demands phone calls and location status and restrictions in life. I just know I have been working my entire life to be with her and never thought of anyone else because for me, they just don't compare. I just feel that maybe that wont be enough. I never use to have such low self-esteem..It is shocking.

[Cerby]

I'm just going to leave the 9 years without sex alone, that is a tragic situation for you. So many other people with strong morals will still have sex with you...

As for her working, it isn't about where she works, its about how secure you are in your relationship. It sounds like you don't trust her, and are considering asking her to re-consider her job because of the males there. This will not go over well, it is a move to control her and to show your insecurities. Normally people who are virgins don't show up here asking for advice about being potentially cheated on, but I can tell you for sure it is about your issues, and not hers.

Still...9 years without sex, that is a major commitment for you both, do you live together or anything?

[DonnyB]

Thanks for the response. No we dont live together but we do see each other often. And shit I know the no sex thing is an extreme and I think this might be why i feel the way i do. You are 100% right about the fact how this is not her issue but mine. I think im afraid of just being betrayed, of being taken advantage of for all the hardship, commitment, and dedication I have put into this relationship. I guess im afraid because I have seen it happen to so many people around me. I dont know why I feel this way. She has given me no reason ever to make me believe that she can or will cheat. Maybe I feel that she will eventually slip..or no human is perfect. I am trying to not make it bother me, or say to myself you have no control, just live your life, if its gunna happen its gunna happen. I always treat her with respect. Obviously we fight and see our differences, no relationship is perfect. I will never ask her to change jobs and i will never be the stalker bf. I just dont feel good about myself, i feel like she is gunna find someone better,more financially sound and more attuned to her new down town work life style. I sound crazy lol i should probably seek some help.

[celestina]

If you are finishing off your university degree, aren't you going to be starting to work as well? Unless you are planning on doing post-graduate studies?

Anyway, she cares a great deal about you; so if she was willing to wait this long for sex (because the wait is hard on the woman, too), why wouldn't she also wait for you to finish your studies?

THe important thing is that, if you're there to support her in her new career, she will love you even more for it and will find you indispensable in her life, because for her, part of her success will be attributed to you for having loved and supported her all this time; she will be infinitely grateful for it, and will never even consider thinking about being with another man, let alone a coworker; if she has strong morals (and seems like she does) and good work ethics, then she won't be the type to let anything happen in the workplace anyway; it's just unprofessional.

"I don't wanna bring this up to her because i don't want her to think I don't trust her or even put the idea in her head."

You're right about this. Though if this bothers you enough to come and write about it in a forum, I do believe that you should bring it up once. A serious conversation can be beneficial to any long term relationship and allow both parties to keep moving forward comfortably (and you don't have to "plant any ideas in her head"!).

She loves you; she should be able to reassure you.

[DonnyB]

Celestina that you very much. I post on these forums because i have always read the advice that many members have given and i really appreciate the sincerity that many of you have. I typically dont feel things like this but as I get older I start to feel less and less confident in myself. I need to stop before I screw up something good.
Thank you

[celestina]

The "coming and writing about it in a forum" was a joke; after all, I'm guilty of it too aren't I

You're welcome, I hope it works out.