Hi guys. First time poster, but I'm in a bit of a jam.
First of all, I'm a woman and I need advice about a friend who has just broken up with her boyfriend. I'm not involved in any way in the broken relationship, I just need advice from other women because I'm at my wits end.
Second of all, it's my best friend who has broken up with her boyfriend. They were together from when they were 12 years old, and they stayed together for 16 years. This is her only relationship, and she's never been through a break up before in her life. She's actually handling it quite well, considering that they only broke up a few weeks ago. My problem is this: I thought my friend was dealing with her feelings and her emotions - she is, sort of. But she seems to be spending ALL her time at my place now. She calls over at about 1pm in the day, when I have stuff to do, and doesn't leave until anywhere from 7.30pm to 10.30pm. This is every day since her break up. At first, all I was was a sounding board (she would vent and cry, etc, and I would listen and hand her tissues and explain that she isn't going to be alone for the rest of her life; she won't die and be eaten by cats; we won't be 80 and alone; etc) but now it's just relentless. It's like she can't stand to be alone any more, so she's clinging on to me, and I just can't take it any more. Granted she must be feeling like crap (honestly, she's just lost her first love and she now feels like she 'wasted' 16 years when she could have been going out and having fun or meeting other men) but I'm a very solitary person and I like my own space. I work from home and I need to have time to myself to get stuff done. But for the last month and a half, since the break up, I've broken all my deadlines because I simply don't have any time to myself any more. I'm now losing money AND the reputation I've built up over time. I've explained to her that I need time to do things, and she says; "Oh, of course, of course!" and then shows up at my house anyway. It doesn't help that I am actually her only friend and she honestly has nobody else to turn to (her family is already dealing with a death, and now another member of their family has cancer and is about to enter a hospice).
Seriously, what should I do? The problem has always been that this boyfriend of hers had her at his beck and call all the time. She has no job, so she was always on-hand for him (and he would need/demand her attention quite a lot) and now she has all this spare time that she's using my company to fill, and I can't take it any more. I just need one day to myself. What do I do? How do I get her to stop clinging to me, when she's already so fragile? I really don't want to hurt her because she's already told me that my house is the only place she feels comfortable in, and the only place she doesn't have to pretend that she's ok.
Sorry for the rant, but I can't talk about this to anyone I know (because they think I'm a bit heartless for mentioning it once already) and I have never been in this situation before, so I don't know how to help her while retaining my own space. Any advice is welcome. Thanks!