Hi, I'm new here but I came here to share my story I really need some advice...
My apology for writing a whole book on text I really hope someone can help me or give his or her insights about my situation.
My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. Both our home-situations are not stable and that's also the reason why we are unable to move in together.
Simply said a dear loved one of mine passed away in a tragic matter which just made me fall in an emotional breakdown. I couldn't talk to anyone for a week and then I tried to talk to my love but he simple was annoyed because I "ignored him" for a week. I tried another attempt but I was so upset I did not want to burden him with my feelings and sadness. It was then that I talked to another guy online who I am not interested in whatsoever. Somehow it clicked, he told me his father passed away and I could really talk to him.
This resulted in my days of grief that I talked to my boyfriend and had to urge to relief my sadness with another guy after. I was so broken apart I had to talk to someone and I felt like nobody was there for me. After time passed things escalated and the guy I shared my sorrow with started to be interested in me and eventually threaten me If I did not give him attention. I told my boyfriend already in that time the truth when I was able to deal with my grief slightly better but it was so difficult.
This eventually resulted that my boyfriend till this day (months later) feels betrayed and brings it up in every fight. It was because I chosen another person to talk to about my sorrow and that I ignored him for that.
He does not seem to understand that I was undergoing trough so much grief that I really needed someone to listen.
I have a lot of arguments and issues with my boyfriend at this time because he barely shows up or shows up late for appointments we have made (calls etc). Every time he has a "legit" excuse ready and when I am angry and let my emotion out he doesn't reply to this. Then I go more in my anger and keep talking but he simply ignored/doesn't reply to what I am saying. After that he gets really annoyed and angry and blames me for flaming him and uses vulgar language like shut the **** up and starts swearing for everything and nothing.
I understand I talk to much but he just doesn't reply and I do not know what he means. Sometimes he says sorry once but that's it nothing more. What he does while we argue is bringing up the fact that I spend time ignoring him and talking to someone else as if I betrayed him. Nothing I tried makes him understand that I went trough grief so great that his ignorance and anger at that time was to much for me to handle. I needed something to hold on to.
I truly love him and I really want our relationship to work, do not misjudge him for what you read him now, I know his anger issues come from trauma and further then words it won't come, he will never lay a finger on me.
I want to help him but also myself because I cannot carry this burden, this feeling of that he thinks I betrayed him.. I want him to understand, I want him to let go..
Do you guys have any advice for me regarding my situation?