Hi all
This is my first time posting in this forum so apologies for the length of this. My ex dumped me 6 months ago after 2 years together, he suffered from depression and felt unhappy with life generally. During our relationship he had an affair which I had forgiven after much begging. I truly loved him and it felt like this was it.After we broke up he continued to contact me, I tried to move on but was so in love with him I couldn't. One time he even pretended that he was going to cut himself deeply so I would go around - it was superficial cuts. Then a few weeks later he asked to try again, I agreed, he lost his job during this time and I helped him find another another -basically writing the application for him. Two weeks later though he dumped me for getting with a guy when we had broken up, said he thought about it and actually couldn't deal with it. I was so angry.
Weeks later he started contacting me again saying he still loved me, I was so scared and got on with life. A month in I assessed my feelings and wrote him a letter, saying I still cared he wrote one back and we agreed to try again, SLOWLY. He said he still loved me. He was in a happier place and things were getting better for him. As well as his full time job he had taken up a part time job as a club doorman.
However just like the first time there was no trying on his part, it was all me. He then said he didn't want a relationship needs to work on himself and could we be friends! my crushed heart was so broken but said let's give it a go, as the thought of losing him completely really hurt. He text me a week later saying he had a dream, we got married, saying he missed me.
This week he tells me has a new gf, a barmaid in the club he works in. She is 7 years younger, aged 20. I am devastated feel betrayed and hurt. He says he doesn't love me any more but does care about me! They spend a lot of time together and I think it could be something. She is very beautiful and intelligent, she also seems cool, likes photography and writing. But I'm so confused how his feelings for me could switch off so quickly. He's moved on and I've been left heartbroken, and broken spirited.
It's gone on far too long now, I've reacted badly to the gf news going a bit crazy. I've since apologised for my anger, told him I wish him the best but we can't be friends.
He doesn't even seem to care I'm not around anymore. I guess my question is is this, has he gone forever? Don't get me wrong I don't what him back but I feel like I have no closure, I don't get it and I wonder will he ever think of me again? please help? I've always been a strong person but I genuinely thought this was it and he was the one, I've let him get the better of me and now I don't know what to do. I want to be happy again. I'm 26 and scared I will never find love again, I have a good career, good friends and family and a great life before I met him, but now I feel broken I can't compete with 20 year old beautiful women!