Why is he been like this?

[Kiwi1]

Ok so I'll try to keep this short.
Me and exhusband (together 7 years married 5 two kids aged 4 & 3) separated two months ago

He was adamant he wanted us to stay friends, texts constantly, calls round to house 2,3,4 times a day, very friendly, flirty, tactile etc, I got talking to another man (to see if I could get over exh) he wasn't impressed and was always asking questions about the OM and making fun of him, he was happy when it didn't work out. He joined a dating site because I had and got talking to a girl who is same age as me and looks the spitting image of me. That didn't work out either. Another girl is texting him, and he is replying but very galfheartedly, we had a trip planned from before we broke up which as we had already paid for we went on, had a really good time, he kept lots of eye contact and was very helpful and friendly ( more so than whenwe were together) had to share bed in hotel (nothing happened) but I kept waking up with his leg over mine and his arm over my arm,
Anyway next day it hits me! I can't be friends with this man cos I love him! We came home he stated over on settee, then that day after he had gone I wrote him a letter explaining I still lived him and why we couldn't be friends. I gave it to him whenhe came round that night, he went to work read it and text me saying that I needed to move on, i said I can't move on if I see u all the time, and that our 'friendship' will only stand in the way of either of us meeting new people.

He came round last night to talk about it, and I told him the same again, he asked how it would stand in the way of anything and I told him that not many women will accept him been such close 'friends' with his ex wife, he said that he would always choose me over anyone and if they felt like that then they wouldn't be right for him, I explained that if he thought like that then he would be On his own for a very long time. He said he would still choose me, I said I couldn't understand why he was willing to risk a chance at future happiness just to be MY friend. He couldn't answer that.

He asked when he could see me again, and I said apart from dropping the kids off you can't see me. He started crying and had to leave the room. When he came back I said I would miss him and he said with tears on his eyes he was going to really miss me too. I said goodbye but he couldn't even look at me he just had tears in his eyes as he left.

Maybe now the dumpee has become the dumper he may have a chance to see exactly what he has lost. He has still had me every single day and now he will realise what he has lost and I can start to heal.

Thing is I know he still loves me but he thinks I deserve better, he hasn't moved on yet at all, he doesn't want another relationship, has no intention of meeting this girl that has text him, he just wanted to spend all his time with me as 'friends'? I hate hurting him but this is killing me.

[JM2012]

Why did you separate if you still love each other and get along so well??? Why does he think that you deserve better?

[Kiwi1]

He did some work for one of our neighbours, she is 41, deaf and to be fair not the most attractive woman, she is very manipulative, and they had a one time thing (no sex) he was devastated that he had done it and left me because he couldn't believe what he had done, she had been working on him for months, getting in his head and made him believe he was desperately unhappy with me, I know he obviously played his part but she is absolutely psycho, he then found himself in a very odd rebound thing with her which ended very quickly because she made him choose between her and me, he chose me and our 'friendship' a harassment order is in place against her now. He says he is an ar**hole for everything he has done and so I deserve better, even though I have said I can forgive him.
By the way he is 25 and they had nothing in common could not really communicate due to her been unable to actually speak and only using sign language. He didn't want a relationship with her, wouldn't let his friends meet her even though he has brought all his new friends round to meet me!

He brought me two gifts this morning too!
I don't believe he has moved on at all he has not had a minute away from me since we split, texts, calls, turns up (until I put LC into play two days ago) he is always concerned about my well being, and on the two occasions I have not replied to his texts (I was in the bath) he got really worried, text me, rang me, rang my family then turned up at the house even when he was supposed to be working just to check I was ok cos he thought something had happened to me. None of this adds up to him having moved on or not still loving me?

[searock]

I think it's time you two had a serious talk about what you should do. Tell him that you are willing to get back together, if he wants to. Otherwise, apart from kid-related stuff, you're out of each others' life. Make him choose between these two options once and for all. What you have now is unhealthy and a waste of time - and very confusing for the kids, too.