I feel betrayed and emotionally beaten by him

[Bhowa]

I know this has been asked a million times, but here's one more.

I've been with him for a little over 2 years now, I moved down to his state to be with him and finish up my degree. He's 22 and has 9 credits towards a BA but has been in college for 4 years, he just keeps failing them and dropping. He doesn't work, and says that he's tried and that he's applied for a lot of jobs, but I know he's lying. He doesn't have a car, he lives off of his mommy who is obsessed with him, to the point that even Freud would be scared. I moved down to be with him on the notion that we would get an apartment together, this was a year ago. I'm now living alone working two jobs and attending school full-time and still not making enough for rent, I'm stuck in a lease till April ( a one bedroom) and the jerks won't let me out of it. Come January I'll be living out of my car, he says that he'll help me with rent, but I know he won't. He just won't work, he won't get out of school, get a car, grow up. He gets livid when I mention moving back to VA or even visiting my family and says the nastiest things a person could be told about themselves to me when I bring it up. There is so much potential in him, he's at a genius IQ level, brilliant in everything, but so lazy it's beyond funny. I pay for everything, even when he knows I have no money, if I don't he throws a fit. He pulls me back in every time by being sweet with words and then the cycle starts again.
I'm about to have to work a third job during nights, while he remains at none. I am so tired of his mom abusing the system, claiming she needs to be on disability when she just uses that money for shoes which she doesn't wear. Here's the kicker, they all live with the grandmother and off the grandmother.
He just make excuses for why he cant move in:
1. He doesn't have his own car
2. He doesn't have a permanent job (or one at all you lazy bum)
3. He doesn't want us to live together and then break up down the line because of the statistics

I'm starting to feel like it's all because of me. I'm getting depressed and lonely.
What would you do? What's going on ?

[searock]

Is he studying anything particularly difficult? If so, it may be normal for him to still be struggling to finish his studies. This doesn't justify the fact that he doesn't even want to get his own apartment etcetera.

Enough about him though - the problem is: are you OK with the way he is? You need to decide whether his behavior and outlook on life is a dealbreaker or not. If it is, break up. If it isn't, stop complaining.

[Boisdevie]

Just answer this one question:
Are you happy with how things are between the two of you. If not tell him your concerns. If he's unwilling or unable to make the changes that you'd like to see then dump him. To be honest the guy sounds like a class 1 dickhead.

[HeartIsAching]

So he lives with his ma, who's gaming the system, who's living with her ma, who's gaming the system, He's "in school" yet not - he's gaming the system. See a pattern here? I do.

[bcgirl]

Well I think u know what the future holds but scared to face it due to the sacrifice you've given moving for him etc. his laziness is part of his personality and character and u won't be able to change this ever! So u are trying to fit a square peg in a round hole... It ain't gunna happen. His upbringing shows the 22 yrs of his lifestyle that is ingrained in him. His mother babies him, she herself cheats the system etc. if u wanna be with him, accept him for who he is...lazy. If u aren't happy with this lifestyle, move on.

[Bhowa]

No, he isn't studying anything particular, he's taken three passable classes ( gen eds.) only because he fails/drops the others every semester. He tells me that I'm being obnoxious over this issue and to be honest, I'm not "allowed" to talk to him about it because he'll just tell me to shut up. Even if I bring it up in a calm sweet manner trying to express how I feel, I get shut down. No, I'm not happy with how things are. I feel like he got me down here, isolated me, and sees me when he wants only. There IS a pattern and I'm very aware of it, I just wish I didn't love him so much. Such a horrible thing to wish :/.

[Boisdevie]

I just wish I didn't love him so much.

Then you have some problems that you need to deal with. Most of us here, when faced with a class 1 dickhead would steer well clear. You need to work out why you 'love him' because that's quite frankly not normal. I think you need therapy.

[Bhowa]

I think we all need therapy.

[Bhowa]

I know why I love him, there are many reasons.
But I'm not blind to why I shouldn't and it kills me that I do.
I know he's a pampered lazy ass momma's boy who will never change and will suck every penny out of me, will never move out, will never finish school or get a decent job, I know these things and yet I still can't bring myself to fall out of love.

[smackie9]

It is because of you...you need some IQ to see how much of an idiot you are for putting yourself into this position over a guy that is a lazy inconsiderate lowlife. Many brilliant men throughout history were one step away from the funny farm, and I bet he's no different (gonna be still living with mommy at 40 something with behavior problems). ***He isn't responsible for you ending up on the streets, you are. You mismanaged your money, by spending what you don't have on him without looking out for yourself first. You don't love him, you love a conjured up image of what you wish him to be. You are chasing a ghost. It's time you let him go because he of no support to you, he is controlling and abusive.

Here is what you do, post an add at your school "Roommate needed". Find yourself a hide-a-bed sofa and you sleep in the living room and the new tenant take the bedroom. This only til April so suck it up. Another thing you can do is sell your car and take transit or buy a scooter or carpool with someone. Or take your car off the road, pull the insurance and use that to pay rent. Start selling off what you can live without, TV, furniture, pawn jewelry whatever. Call someone in your family and make a loan, have them wire you some money. There are ways to survive this, so get those braincells workin and figure it out, you are not completely helpless (I hope).

[bcgirl]

I feel like he got me down here, isolated me, and sees me when he wants only. There IS a pattern and I'm very aware of it, I just wish I didn't love him so much. Such a horrible thing to wish :/.

He didn't do that to you. It was all your own doing. No one put a gun to your head and told u to move. No one is holding a gun to your head and making u stay. Love is blind sometimes, it's all a part of life. U hopefully learn from your mistakes, u get your heart broken, u eventually recover and hopefully fall in love with someone better for u. Life, isn't it bitter sweet

[smackie9]

[Love'sReject]

..and I get laughed at when I say chicks go for douchebags..LOL.