late night texting by my wife

[bombboy85]

I'll keep this as short as I can. Me and my wife live in separate states currently due to my being in the military and there being reasons she can't move. She has a facebook friend that she has known for 4-5 years but never hung out with in person. He's a good looking guy etc and she used to have a crush and wanted to date him. He also (just his sense of humor) used to leave comments on her facebook with a sexual tone at times until I said something and me and my wife got in a fight about it.

Anyway I noticed on our phone bill that lately they have been texting each other more and more late at night only typically. I know if I approach it will start a big fight, I know they haven't hung out or anything but it's really starting to piss me off and I feel totally disrespected because she knows if I had my way he would be out of her life and she doesn't like when girls in her guy friends lives from growing up tell them to stop talking to her. I just don't know how to approach it, suggestions? If it turns into a huge fight this could end up with me telling her he goes or I go.

[vashti]

I would be angry about this, too. It sounds like she has an inappropriate emotional attachment to another man.

Do you have kids?

[bombboy85]

Her 5 year old daughter is my step daughter and I love her and she loves me to death, calls me daddy etc...we've been married about a year and a half. The other thing is due to her schedule and job etc if something happened that caused us to split she'd be pretty screwed and I don't wanna do that to the two of them either.

[vashti]

I'm not sure what to advise, but I can say that she is probably lonely. Living separately from your man is not conducive to healthy emotional relationships. How long do you plan to live apart?

EDIT: the fact that there is a child involved complicates matters further (in my mind). It's not like you can just walk away... there will be collateral damage.

[bombboy85]

well currently I just was finally able to put in for what is called base of preference, I requested the base that is right near her and if it is approved I could be living there within a few months and reenlist. If it's denied my enlistment is up december of 2013 so I could get out and move there then, but with the economy plus I love my job my preference is to stay in.

[bombboy85]

would it be a bad idea to just message the guy on facebook and tell him it's inappropriate and I don't appreciate it.

[iamaninnocentma]

Her 5 year old daughter is my step daughter and I love her and she loves me to death, calls me daddy etc...we've been married about a year and a half. The other thing is due to her schedule and job etc if something happened that caused us to split she'd be pretty screwed and I don't wanna do that to the two of them either.

Its unnacceptable what your wife is doing, but im sure you know this. Give her one chance to stop her pish, or throw her. Its not your problem if she has trouble with childcare because she cant behave properly. If you dont show authority in this matter, where will it end? Your wife shouldnt be talking to any men on ****ing facebook if she has any respect for you. The fact this prick has been sending her sexual messages in the past, makes it worse.

She certainly shouldnt be sending this fanny text messages while you pick up the tab. Your wife is taking the piss man. Time to put your foot down. Weakness here will show her you might not mind so much if she actually pumps someone.

[bcgirl]

The longer u allow her to be texting this man, one day eventually they will meet up

[bombboy85]

ugh I always dread something that I know will start a fight because she isn't good at talking, just gets mad and shuts up or blows up. she's not a good communicator lol

[bcgirl]

PerhAps consider therapy? It will be a safer environment for both of u to convey your feelings

[iamaninnocentma]

PerhAps consider therapy? It will be a safer environment for both of u to convey your feelings

Jesus wept.

Yeah pay some idiot $50 per hour just to tell his wife to stop being a cunt.

[Wakeup]

i wonder how many threads you're going to start about your wife and her perpensity for having emotional affairs? This has been going on far too long. Either you make skype/texting/sexting "dates" with her to keep her company or you might as well just give her permission to go boink this dude. It's no different from your thread back in April, you're not leaving her anytime soon and you don't have the dangly bits to do what Iaman suggests so accept the fact that your wife in INCAPABLE of being without this man's attention and she will not be giving it up for you Or: Leave her for someone who is okay being alone and lonely for months on end.

In situations like yours, where you're gone for months/years at a time I totally agree with open relationships. Where ALL people involved are going in with informed consent. You're asking her to be celibate not monogamous ... how many people can actually pull that off? How many couples are actually that compatible in their lack of libido to go without any kind of opposite sex attention of some sort for lengthly periods of time?[/QUOTE]

[bcgirl]

^ well it's obvious she won't listen to her husband, so someone has got to tell her

[bombboy85]

@wakeup - ya know what things stopped for a while and then recently its become a nightly thing for the past couple weeks for the most part. Also its not so simple as to just say stop, if try to be controlling and she decides she won't put up with it there are other things to worry about. Like I said without me her and her daughter could be completely screwed and I love both of them and if I am wrong about things and overreact I would never forgive myself if she ended up losing her daughter because she has money troubles because to care for her she can't attend the college classes she needs to go somewhere with her degree and can't find a job that pays well enough. So don't even suggest I don't have the "dangly bits" to handle my situations, if it was as simple as you make it seem I wouldn't be seeking advice.

[Wakeup]

without me her and her daughter could be completely screwed

Then you have the power in the relationship but you relinquish it to her because YOU are the one that is convinced that You would be completely screwed without her and her daughter.

You are pussy whipped. Sorry, BB but you need to take control of your own life and don't worry about controlling her. That means that you tell her that you do not want her to talk to this man anymore, that it's obvious that she is emotionally attacthed to him in a unhealthy way that is affecting your relationship with her and the emotional bond that you two should be having for one another. You tell her that you don't think you can tolerate it any longer when she ignores you and her child to chat with another man... Ask her if she can't see how disrespectful that is to the two of you?


if she won't give it up then YOU are the one that has to be brave and leave her. If you can't leave her then stfu and accept your lot. This is your bed... remake it or lie in it.

You look after her like you were her father. She's lost attraction to you because who in gods name wants to be romantically attracted to their father?

It's simple. Plenty of people leave people they still love if they are unhappy and the other won't compromise or meet them halfway. The simple part is you need to accept your lot or fix it. Coming here time after time and asking for advice that you never take isn't going to change your situation, doll. You keep her and she takes advantage of you and makes you look disrespected and makes you feel the same way. You have to figure out away to make her understand that you're not going to be Mr. Nice Guy while she gets her kicks with other men. Or, as I said early, accept your lot and learn to be okay with being her provider and buddy/father figure.