this is a little long, but i would appreciate you reading this.
Hey all, i am 23 and have been sexually confused for bout 4 years now. Is this too long? I think that after this amount of time there is something wrong with me and need to speak to people frankly about this shit thats goin on my head.
To start of, the first person that i ever had a crush on was a girl, but the first person that i experimented with was a guy when i was very young. I stopped doing that because for whatever reason in my head i didnt want to keep doing it, even tho i was curious.
I have never had any romantic feelings for another guy and i have for a few woman (but do sometimes really want to experiment to understand myself, but i am afraid that this will not answer my question). for many years i was very happy with the fact that i had experimented and i felt very confident that i was straight. When i was younger i would fantasise about women, but at times, i wouldnt fantasise about being with a man, but i would try to see what i thought it was like to be a woman if she was with me, in particular giving oral sex. Then i went through a very low phase where i was very very depressed and had no self confidence at all and so i started to obsess over why i experimented and why i would fantasis about penises.
Now i am at the point where i really am not attracted to anything or any one. an i realy do not know what to do. I have seen gay porn a few years ago and i thought that it was horrible, not for me. But over the past while i have started to search for it on the net to see if i like it, and over time i have begun to become more interested in it. Here is the problem though, i dont know if this is because i just want to know who i am, or becuase i do actually like guys that way, and have been in denial all my life.
I have forgotten what it feels like to truely want someone, sexually and emotionally.
I think about this ALL the time, i have trouble sleeping and sometimes being with people in public or private??
Any advice or opinion no matter how honest please give it?
thanks