Originally Posted by
bcgirl
like i stated earlier, perhaps you two are just incompatible and it's like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. If you want to go out and she is the stay in type, well you are eventually going to get cabin fever (which you already are). You two have to either meet somewhere in the middle or this ain't ever gunna work. She needs to offer up some nights where she wants to go out for dinner etc. Date nights are good for any relationship and is needed to keep the spark going. I have no idea what you are paying some therapist for if they haven't suggested something so basic like date nights. What has this therapist suggested? Many times over the course of the years with work, children, house, mortages etc. people change. We are only humans and constantly evolving and thus two ppl may evolve into different beings when they were so compatible at the beginning. Hence why there is such a high divorce rate. This is where loads of hard work and compromise needs to come into play so you two see eye to eye once again. Communication is KEY. With good communication you two can be able to see each other's points of views and therefore hopefully come to a compromise and in turn be happier with each other. Remember communication is constant and needed very frequently to maintain on the same page. Talk to her. Tell her that you love her but fear growing apart, you are not happy with the sex life and you wish to please her etc. If she likes to stay at home, try to spice it up a bit and maybe rent a movie (that she may like also), cook for her and try to be romantic, make her her fav dish to show her you care. Also COMPLIMENTS are something that many ppl forget or don't bother when they are with someone for a long time. Remember when you two started dating? All the compliments and flowers or whatever you used to give her. Do you still compliment her as much? Many women feel self conscious especially with age and after children, lets face it....their bodies don't look like how it used to when they were 20. Do you still compliment her even if she has that extra weight? Or the stretch marks on her belly from pregnancy? Or the saggier boobs after breast feeding? Maybe she just feels self conscious of being naked cuz she feels embarrassed with her figure now and thus doesn't feel comfortable with sex. TALK TO HER and COMMUNICATE. You will have to do a lot of digging to get to her heart and her insecurities, but you will eventually get there with some work and see what her problem is and why she isn't putting out. Also, like i suggested earlier.... research on the female orgasm. What you think might be "good sex" to you may not be her views of "good sex" and therefore, why should she put out when your the only one getting an orgasm in the end? Women need foreplay and oral stimulation most of the time, have you given enough of that to her when you were sexually active? Again, you aren't a mind reader so if this was the case she really needs to communicate but sometimes ppl fear to hurt the other persons feelings.