Hello,
I have never really discussed anything in a forum before but i need an outsiders point of view. I feel like i know what i have to do but not sure how or if i am reading to much into it.
I have 3 children and i have been with this guy for 9 years... He is not my children father but was in their lives since they were very little. The problem that i am having is this. I will try and keep this short.
I have been the sole supplier in our relationship. I buy groceries, pay bills and pay the rent... I have been doing this since we first started dating. He would help out once in a while. People have always said why he never paid for half and i always felt that i had the kids that i should be paying for because if he wasn't in our lives i would have had to pay for it anyways.... I know this was silly thinking in my part but i truely felt that way before. 9 Years we have been together and every so often i would catch him chatting on line with girls and stuff... He claims that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that i was showing him enough affection etc. Every time i caught him we would break up for a bit (no more than 2 weeks) and then get back together and he would say he would never do it again and yes we would get back together. I find that he is online chatting (that i catch him) once a year.
The other issue i am having is whenever things get tough, like i cant make ends meet he makes me feel like he is not secure with me and that he sees no future and that we cant get by etc.... I don't know why he makes me feel like i am the reason why our relationship is going downhill. I feel as if he should be providing and that is why we are struggling... I have been supporting a family of 5 (us and 3 children) for 9 years and to be told this hurts... Why doesn't he see it. The funny thing is that i don't have the heart to tell him that he should man up. Even if i try his response will be... "you would have to do it if i wasn't here anyways) I do care for him a lot and i don't know what to do... You are probably thinking what in the world am i doing with this guy and honestly i love him dearly because he has been there helping me raise and loving my kids when i know that he didn't have to... At the end of the day i am so tired and i do want so much for a man to want to take care of me and my kids and for me not to have to do this all by myself. I don't know what to think.... He is just a selfish person.... Is he not man enough for me? I don't know.. what should i be doing differently?