Im 32 my partner is 41. Been together 8 years and we have a 2 yr old daughter together.
My partner has cheated on me twice.... once when he said he needed space and I moved back to my mothers for a year. He started having a relationship with his ex... got her pregnant and took her on holiday. She had a termination and it ended...we finally got back together and tried to put it behind us.. Then when I thought everything was back on track we decided to try for a baby...which we were blessed with... a couple of weeks after the baby was born he started acting strange...I asked him if anything was wrong but he denyed it but kept acting odd...so I check his phone... He was having an emotional affair with another woman at his work and they had kissed... I blew up.... but because I had a newborn to look after she was my main priority...we worked it out. I still havent forgiven him but Im trying to work it through.
That was 2 yrs ago... he has started acting odd again... so I decided to look at his phone. I can only access his photos and videos so I took a look. (Yes I know its bad to look through his phone but he is hardly going to tell me the truth if he is up to something). Anyway... at first I found that he has started to take videos of women walking around outside of his office. He videos them walking around in their shoes... high heels only. I waited a week and I check them again...this time he has video'd up a womans skirt.
I dont know whats wrong with me, I know this is disgusting and wrong but something isnt letting me feel anything about it. I dont feel angry, I dont feel upset, I just feel irked out. Why am I feeling like this?
Also, Im currently 5 weeks pregnant. We have also suffered three pretty horrendous miscarriages this year.
Im really confused about myself and him.