Best Ways to Meet

[CA23012]

I'm four going on five years post college. Most of my college acquaintances have retired abroad and become the infrequent, sporadic online interaction. I now have my set local group of friends which rarely changes. I work full time, and I'm just about the youngest person in my department. This of course leaves me only small windows of opportunity to meet new people who are a) in my demographic and single, b) have an interest me and c) are worth an intimate connection/long term relationship. (It's worth noting, btw, that while 'c' is dependent on my particular standards, I rarely reach point 'c' because 'a' and 'b' are rarely satisfied)

What are those opportunities?

I am repeatedly told that the bar/club scenes (more bars than clubs in my case, as I get older) are a bad way to go, and while I am not contesting that notion, I will say that there are some up-sides: Certain bars tend to aim at a particular demographic, and one bar can bring different people each day that fall within your demographic range, which in turn generates more viable possibilities.

The downside is that you have a small window of opportunity to make something happen with someone (unless they're a regular). And while mingling is expected, there is always that hurdle of initiating conversation with someone you otherwise have no reason to be speaking to, and the self-consciousness that comes with that almost-certainty that the person is aware of your agenda if you engage them. Granted there's nothing devious about that agenda, but it does make the interactions feel somewhat like a one-shot audition/performance. The other downside is that you have to play the numbers game for this to work, and frequent bar trips can have a nasty impact on your bank account and liver just to have even one favorable outcome. In other words, it's exhausting (especially if, like me, you're not much of a drinker).

The bar thing usually works best if you bring the prospects with you. This circumstance usually involves a friend bringing one of their outside acquaintances into your circle, but this happens so infrequently that it rarely pans out when it does happen. And relying on this approach involves being dependent on others to facilitate your opportunities.

The other advice I hear is to 'get out there,' join clubs etc. One thing I notice about the clubs or social groups that I've looked into is that a lot of them tend to be niche clubs, with a set group of people meeting regularly over a common interest. So if there's no one in that closed group who makes a valid candidate, you're out of luck. And the clubs/groups that do involve 'getting out there' and meeting new people usually involve some special interest activity that's far outside anything I'm accustomed to; things like salsa or ballroom dancing that involve attending events and going to conferences. While I do need to get out of my comfort zone, I feel that participating in a special interest activity on that level should stem from a genuine passion for the activity in question. I'm open to suggestions in this area, but so far I haven't found a group or activity that facilitates that common ground between genuine interest and outreaching interaction.

There are of course those clubs and groups that are specifically aimed toward singles interaction, which brings me to my next category: singles groups and online dating. I have not tried these options yet, and I suppose that's mainly an issue of pride. However, in theory they are a good means of reaching out. In online dating you can list what you're looking for and let people know what you're about, and essentially put yourself out there in a pool of candidates who match your preferences, however general or particular they may be. I guess it's just the whole dynamic of these approaches that makes me uneasy. The thought of building a profile, posting pictures of yourself and listing your attributes seems like a more intense version of selling yourself than the barroom audition. I would really like to preserve that natural, first-time interaction if that's a feasible option... rather than the direct, straight-to-the-point nature of this latter category.

Guess I'd just like to hear form others in similar situations with experience in these areas. Any options I haven't considered.. what's worked for others.. am I judging some of these items too harshly? Any input's appreciated.

[IndiReloaded]

Meetup.com. Dating sites. Friends.

[CA23012]

Thanks cocos- I was feeling pretty much the same way about the more 'direct' approaches. Again though, the social group option circles back to the same problem (at least for me). The hard part is finding an activity I like that also facilitates a substantial amount of interaction.

The problem is that the interests I do have tend to not provide much in the way of meeting new people regularly. I like martial arts, for example, but I go to the same gym and see the same people, and it's for the most part an all-male crowd. Another thing I'm passionate about is language, particularly French. But when I looked up a French language group, it was basically a small group of older individuals who get together a couple times a week; not ideal for what I'm looking for...

Somehow I need to strike a balance, and find something that's interesting enough to grasp my attention, while also providing ample opportunities to meet new people. The hard part is finding out what that is...

[surfhb]

Thanks cocos- I was feeling pretty much the same way about the more 'direct' approaches. Again though, the social group option circles back to the same problem (at least for me). The hard part is finding an activity I like that also facilitates a substantial amount of interaction.

The problem is that the interests I do have tend to not provide much in the way of meeting new people regularly. I like martial arts, for example, but I go to the same gym and see the same people, and it's for the most part an all-male crowd. Another thing I'm passionate about is language, particularly French. But when I looked up a French language group, it was basically a small group of older individuals who get together a couple times a week; not ideal for what I'm looking for...

Somehow I need to strike a balance, and find something that's interesting enough to grasp my attention, while also providing ample opportunities to meet new people. The hard part is finding out what that is...

Expand your horizons.....something that doesn't take a whole lot of skill. Hiking, camping, travel, biking, Scuba diving?

[Boisdevie]

I'm 48 and live in the middle of the French countrysideb so my opportunities for meeting available women is extremely limited, almost non existent. I met my GF through online dating. For lots of other people it also works. Also, you get to meet idiots but you also meet idiots in life. And as for selling yourself? Isn't that what happens in other methods of interaction?
Internet dating has worked very well for me so why not just try it? I love my GF and without the internet would never have met her in a million years.