Somewhere between FWB and a serious Relationship

[Missymay]

I have been seeing this guy for almost a year, the first time we met I laughed at the thought of anything serious. We became pretty good friends did more friendly stuff then dating stuff. (Sporting events instead of dinners type thing). We ended up spending a lot of time together and we are now living together. My problem is there is no emotional connection between us. I know he cares for me and my kids a great deal, but when it comes time to talk about where the relationship is at it's, "im not ready to think about settling down"

He has helped me through a great deal including my divorce. He moved in to take over paying for rent to allow me to catch up on my bills. He is wonderful with my kids, constantly spoiling them but also making sure they get the necessities of life.

Everything about our relationship would be considered "dating" except the emotional aspect. I find myself stuck wanting more but unable to communicate it.

There are so many angles to my story but I will start here........

[Wakeup]

Why can't you just be happy with things the way they are? What do you think is missing in your relationship that makes you unhappy? What would you want to change so that you had nothing to complain about?

You have man that is taking care of you and your children and I assume he's not abusive in anyway. You're not going to leave him so try to accept and be content with what you have. It's either that or leave and make it so you can finanacially care for yourself and your children and you step down from the gravy train.

[Missymay]

Its not about riding the "gravy train" I am more than capable of taking care of myself and my kids, hell I took care of all of us and my ex husband while I was married. I am not mooching, he is the one who insisted. I am happy with the way things are but in the end I would like to know if it will lead anywhere. I did not post on here for you to insult me, I am looking for an honest opinion.

I am in no rush to "settle down" either but it would be nice to know if I am wasting my time and my kids time. I dont want my kids getting attached to some one who only wants to be our friend. I want a healthy father figure in their lives

[Wakeup]

He moved in to take over paying for rent to allow me to catch up on my bills.

You planted the first visual of a gravy train in my head with that statement.

Anyway, IMO ~ Moving in for financial reasons is no reason to move in. Love and wanting to be with one another is the best reason for cohabitation don't ya think?

If the emotional connection wasn't there then why did you move in with him? What on earth does "I'm in not ready to settle down" even mean to a man that has committed himself to live with a woman? Are you saying you're simply room mates and he covers the bills? If you don't want your children getting attached to someone who only wants to be your friend then why move him in before you were sure of his romantic intentions?

This whole situation just seems peculiar. He doesn't want to settle down? Are you not settled down when you move in with someone you've been dating? Whats his particular idea of actually "settling down?"

[Missymay]

We had talked about moving in together a few times, the place he was staying was getting foreclosed on and I offered him a temporary place to stay till he could find another place to rent. He would always say that he felt that moving in together would be moving things to fast, but when stuff got financially hard on me he was there to help instantly. He needed something to say he was helping me and not the other way around, one of those I dont need anybody types. Like I said I know he cares for us but at his age and living the way he has for most his life (meaning the I dont need anyone attitude) will his walls ever break?

I love that he is there for me and that he is there for my kids, I think he would do anything to make sure we were all in good health and taken care of. It means a lot to me to have some one in my life like that. Not because I need the help, I pride myself in knowing I can take care of my family (wouldnt be a stay at home mom even if the chance was there.) I would just like that warm fuzzy feeling every once in a while......

[Wakeup]

Do you act as a couple? Have sex? Be exclusive/monogamous? Do things together as a family? If you don't, then I understand what he means by he's not ready to settle down. If you do all those things, then inspite of his proclamation.. he has in essence settled down with you.

You can't make a guy do something he doesn't want to do but you can cut off the cake so he can't be having it while he eats it too. So, as I first said... sit back and enjoy what you have while you have it and until he gets bored and leaves (like any relationship really) or.. you end it because he's not giving you what you want. Either way I think that at this point, your kids will be hurt if and when he ever leaves the family.

Good luck..