I need help with a girl. BADLY!

[Multirunner]

Hi,
FYI: I am a 15 year old guy in highschool
So recently I have been getting close to a girl that I’m friends with, but I’m having big difficulties lately. Some days I think that she really likes me and others it feels like she doesn’t want anything to do with me. Some days she will draw something on my arm just messing around and have fun and feel like she really cares about me, and then other days she won’t talk as much and will almost shy away from me. I know that she is like me when it comes to school where we are both kind of hiding in our shells, but at each other’s houses or wherever we are both of us are comfortable with each other.

One day after me and her had gone ice skating together I had asked her out, she said yes and I felt so happy to have her as my girlfriend. Everything was going good between us until one day when I had mentioned that we were dating to one of her friends. That friend must’ve said something to her about that because the next thing I know is the friend I told about us dating is telling me that she didn’t think that we were dating. So I texted her and asked what was going on? When she replied she said that I never really made it “official”. I told her that I didn’t know how to make it more “official” than it already was, I asked her out and she said yes, I said good morning and good night every day even if we weren’t talking previous to it. So I told her I was sorry for thinking that we were dating and that I would never imply that we had been dating just because we had seen some movies and been to each other’s houses. We had also gone to homecoming together this year. I usually can read people pretty well on what they are feeling and for some reason I cannot seem to pin point what she feels towards me.

Just so you know who I am. I live by morals and standards that represent me and my Christian faith. I try and be the most faithful friend to her and all my friends, I am always open to talk and help my friends and even people I don’t know with problems in their life. I don’t date much just because I am always looking for the right person. In relationships I always put the woman’s wants and needs first and always make sure that she is happy before I am. I am passionate with my relationships and am always looking for ways to make her feel better or just to make her smile. Seeing her is the highlight of my day 100%. I am not making any of this up to make myself look all perfect and that there is nothing wrong with me because I don’t lie about dumb things. Especially things that don’t matter, all those are true but here is where I am lacking.

When we talk, sometimes she will not text back for a couple of hours sometimes up to five hours at a time. And she has explained to me that she does not like texting and would rather do something instead, also she has eight other siblings in her family so she has daily chores she has to do and helps with bathing the very little kids but she doesn’t text me saying like “hey gotta go” or “im busy right now just a second” or anything like that she just leaves me waiting for a response. I had gotten used to that somewhat now, and have stopped texting her daily and now maybe once every 2-3 days now.

Now that your somewhat caught up with me now (if you’re still reading) recently thanksgiving had passed just last week I had invited her to go see the new twilight with me. Even though she said she doesn’t like them she said that she would go with me. (good sign right) Well over thanksgiving break I didn’t text her much because I didn’t want to take her away from relatives family time. So i waited until three days after thanksgiving to see if she wanted to do anything. She couldn’t so it was no problem I just waited until the Sunday before school started back up again and asked her if she wanted to go see twilight with me. And she said she could go but we ended up not going because I couldn’t get my parents to drive and she couldn’t either. (Whatever some other day was still fine for me) Then she tells me at school the next day that she had gone and seen it with her mom and her sister earlier during the break. So I was I bit frustrated and irritated with that but I kept it cool and just asked her why didn’t she call me and see if I wanted to go because going to it was my idea in the beginning. And it seemed like she didn’t care that she kind of ditched me in a sense and didn’t even bother to tell me that she was going. And it kind of worries me because I see that as her not taking me seriously as a friend or even caring much for me at all. And today she said that she accidentally broke her phone so she told me not to text her until she says she has a new phone. I trust her because I told her that would never lie to her about anything. But at the same time I still have the doubt in the back of my head that she is just trying to push me away a little bit more.

I asked her awhile back if I was doing anything wrong or upsetting her in anyway. And she said that at some times I was being kind of clingy. So I immediately fixed that, like I said stopped texting her daily and spaced conversations out a bit. I feel like I am getting a bit paranoid but at the same time she is not giving me straight up answers or signs to how she feels towards me. And I don’t want to come out and straight ask her “DO YOU LIKE ME?” because that would make things feel weird. But I just want to know if she still sees me as more of a friend.

I just really need help and advice, mainly from a girl if it’s possible. I spend almost all my time awake thinking about her and it kills me to think of her discarding me or “friend-zoning” me. I want a real relationship, a long lasting relationship. I don’t know what I am doing wrong with her or what I’m not doing. I just really need help desperately.
Thanks

[AGuy101]

"In relationships I always put the woman’s wants and needs first and always make sure that she is happy before I am."

Well, what's the problem? If she is happy then it doesn't matter: your words...

[Multirunner]

How much of that did you read? we aren't dating that is the point. I don't know how she feels about ME. If she wants a relationship or just wants to be friends

[AGuy101]

How much of that did you read? we aren't dating that is the point. I don't know how she feels about ME. If she wants a relationship or just wants to be friends

I read the whole thing. But I don't need to know all the particulars to know what kind of a person you are. To answer your question you have to answer another as a precondition: how do you feel about you? Do you have a self? Or are you devoid of one, handing it off to any girl with a pretty smile? It doesn't matter if you like the girl: her wishes are your priority. Check your premises. A self-less love is a contradiction.

[thebloodycoon]

"In relationships I always put the woman’s wants and needs first and always make sure that she is happy before I am."

Well, what's the problem? If she is happy then it doesn't matter: your words...

^He's 15, don't expect him to understand your sarcasm... But you're completely right about everything you said.

Anyway, dude you need to chill a bit and let the girl have some space, just stop texting/talking to her and asking if everything's ok.. No normal person wants someone who's constantly trying to take care of them and make them feel good. If she sees that you don't respect yourself and spend more time worrying about her needs than yours, then how can she appreciate you or like you/fall in love with you? Most girls do not like a guy who's trying too hard, you'll bore her.

I think this relationship has no future, but nevertheless I wanna give you my opinion about your future endeavours: When you see that a girl is not trying as hard to keep the relationship as you are, don't always assume that you're doing something wrong and don't try harder so that you'll make her see it and acknowledge it and then she'll try harder too, because that's almost never gonna happen. Instead, you'll end up dumped and questioning yourself what did you did wrong, did you not try hard enough and should try harder the next time? Can you see how this turns into a vicious circle?

Hope that helps, regards

[basilandthyme]

In relationships I always put the woman’s wants and needs first and always make sure that she is happy before I am.

I think the others are doing great with their advice, but I just wanted to give you a friendly comment about this one.

As a woman, putting me and my happiness always first would actually be a dealbreaker. Of course, I like to be considered, but I want a man who will stand up to me if I cross the line and get too demanding or needy or whatever. But it's not all about harsh stuff. I actually enjoy going to a restaurant which may not be my first choice because it makes him happy too.

Thing is, if you always put the woman first, you're denying her the pleasure of being able to put you first on occasions. Give and take is really important in a relationship. And taking is equally as important as giving. It keeps things balanced.

If a man is all "whatever makes you happy", I'll get bored very quickly and move on.

[AGuy101]

I think the others are doing great with their advice, but I just wanted to give you a friendly comment about this one.

As a woman, putting me and my happiness always first would actually be a dealbreaker. Of course, I like to be considered, but I want a man who will stand up to me if I cross the line and get too demanding or needy or whatever. But it's not all about harsh stuff. I actually enjoy going to a restaurant which may not be my first choice because it makes him happy too.

Thing is, if you always put the woman first, you're denying her the pleasure of being able to put you first on occasions. Give and take is really important in a relationship. And taking is equally as important as giving. It keeps things balanced.

If a man is all "whatever makes you happy", I'll get bored very quickly and move on.

You're ignoring what self-less means. No self. A zero. There is no compromise in relationships. A man or a woman is not dating or married to someone for THEIR sake. Love is the most selfish thing a human can do: real romantic love. Give-and-take is not a relationship. There is no compromise on values. If someone does not share your sense-of-life and you continue to date them then you have no sense-of-life. You are dating them because you are empty and they are dating you for the same reason. But, however, emptiness cannot fill emptiness.

A million whores will not make a wealthy playboy rich, neither will his money if it's divorced from values. Happiness is an emotion just as love is. But what is happiness? Happiness is the barometer of the good in your life. YOUR life. Your senses will tell you what will burn you and what will feed you: but you have the choice to ignore that. Humans have the choice to hurt themselves; they can inflict pain on themselves. Self-lessness is synonymous with self-destruction. Because you have destroyed yourself. You have no self. You do not exist because you have no identity. On a desert island you would die fast. But in a society you can live through the "common good" which is the sacrifice of the good for the unearned. And many people do this; they cannot deal with the emotion loneliness so they conform to society. Society is not a person, it is a collection of people. There must be some who produce: a zero can only acquire a zero.

If anyone tells you that love is unconditional or self-less, well then:

You had better run brother! Run like you hear the ringing of an approaching leper bell. Cause that shit spreads. Run. The only argument they can offer is a gun which is no argument.

[Multirunner]

You're not helping me at all here, so why don't you get off this thread and let people who can actually say things that I can read and not laugh at because I do not care if you're pissed off and want to write mean things all day, but if you feel like you have to then do it on a different thread. Thank you