Is it me or is it him? Need an advice

[Ricarda23]

So, actually I think I'm into some long distance shit...Sorry for saying shit but don't know how to call it.
I started to date this guy, he doesn't live in my city/country, so we constantly speak throught fancy tehcnology gadgets. Since we met 2nd time, which was 10 days ago (it was really nice). He told he likes me bla bla bla and, he also showed me that by his actions. He will come to visit me in 2 months for a couple of weeks.
The problem is that he is so busy, stressed and what is killing me is this:

1. Stupid online chats, instant messaging etc... I hate to type, I want to talk he can't skype or call me because he is always busy.
2. He is working onto starting up his new business, whenever I ask him he says he is busy. He also says he is stressed out, bla bla bla. So I back off and give him his space.
3. We communicate almost everyday, I initate it mostly, but its instant messaging, he calls me love, baby and all of those stuff (i''m not romantic when i instant message, i'm mostly cold, i can't change it). What ever I type to him he tries to reply me as soon as possible. Its not like he is ignoring me, but as I said I back off and I let him do his stuff if he says he is at work.

I am seriously confused. Am I histerical over nothing and making a big deal out of it, its only couple of days since we didn't see each other. I didn't also mentioned the time zone difference, so its hard to catch up sometimes at right time

I am the one who is trying this to work. I also want to chill myself and give him his space to do his stuff if he is busy as he is saying. I don't want to molest him whenever he is online, but again why does he come online if he claims he is so busy. I am seriously thinking of backing off cold feet for a couple of days untill next week. I told him also that I have tons of work to do and that I'm not in town this weekend.
I think I need to let him contact me first and give him some space to miss me, right?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Online relationships are stupid. Find someone who lives close to you. Close is within an hour driving distance and even that is pushing it.

[Ricarda23]

I don't want someone else!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Too ****ing bad. Unless you move there or have plans to move there, you need to find someone else.

Keep wasting your time, but ask yourself this. What is he really missing out on if you don't contact him??

[Ricarda23]

I have plans to do something about this in future. We did speak about this indirectly. I know it's bad. He is not missing anything its just my way to see if he is busy as he says and I need to do it for myself too. To think about some things in peace and clear my head off this. If he likes me as he says he is, he will miss ME. He is the one who was forcing all of this not me in the end I relised I feel the same way.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You said you're the one trying to make this work. Anyway, I'm telling you it won't work. Most will agree. Some won't. I'm out.

[Ricarda23]

You are pessimist, lol. It could work out in future, I just know. In present its a new situation for me because it's my first time of doing something like this and I'm insecure, its scary on moments. Seems serious. To be honest it's freaking me out and all I want from him is some kind of confirmation right now, when I let him know how I feel indirectly and short on IM. and all I get is not much of communication lately. it's confusing. don't know what to think about it. I'd like to talk about it with him but he is busy. and not over bloody IM but call

[basilandthyme]

Ricarda, Backup may be a pessimist, but you're an optimist to the extreme.

I'm in my mid 40's and suspect I'm a little older than you and with a bit more experience. The general rule of thumb is if a guy is 'too busy' to make time for you, then he's not interested. A guy who is really into you will move heaven and earth to be in contact.

Another rule of thumb is: if he's not meeting your needs, then cut him loose and move on.

[Boisdevie]

You are pessimist, lol. It could work out in future, I just know.

Well honey, many of us here have some experience of 'the real world' and we'd tell you that it's just bullshit. Yes, it could work out but I bet it won't. I'd say you have one chance in 100 that it would work. Perhaps I'm a pessimist but at least I'm not deluded.

[Cerby]

Ricarda, you must be inexperienced with relationships, and not necessarily in a negative way. Long distance is such a waste of time, you miss out on all the great things new couples get to do together, dating, awkward sex, spending quality time together. Some people here are all about LDRs, but most of them actually went through the dating and then had to move apart for some reason (deployment, work, etc). One of our regulars here is in an LDR, but I can't remember which one, and she hasn't be on in a while (I think it is maidenminx). She would give you the best advice.

I know you don't want to hear it, but finding a local person to date will fulfill you in so many more ways (pun intended).

[KewlStoryBrah]

Ricarda, you must be inexperienced with relationships, and not necessarily in a negative way. Long distance is such a waste of time, you miss out on all the great things new couples get to do together, dating, awkward sex, spending quality time together. Some people here are all about LDRs, but most of them actually went through the dating and then had to move apart for some reason (deployment, work, etc). One of our regulars here is in an LDR, but I can't remember which one, and she hasn't be on in a while (I think it is maidenminx). She would give you the best advice.

I know you don't want to hear it, but finding a local person to date will fulfill you in so many more ways (pun intended).

This is a great post, from a great poster. 8/10

[KewlStoryBrah]

Actually, ive just re-read it, and I dont think MM is in a ldr. I think she lives with her co-dependent bf, from memory, and she also posted last night.

[KewlStoryBrah]

Poor research cerby old chap. 5/10

[smackie9]

You are being needy and unrealistic. You must be so god damn desperate, that this all you can get for a relationship and wont look for something more suited to you expectations. The writing is on the wall but you refuse to see it, you cant handle an LDR.

So to answer you question, its you. The more you get crazy over this, the faster this is going to fail.....so you sit tight....its going to soon enough.

[Ricarda23]

Thanks for your replies. Ok let me explain to you something, its not that I need to at all.

First of all I'm not desperate, I'm not unexperienced with men. I'm the one who moves on fast and I know when someone is playing me or not. I was the one who was ingoring him at start, I was cold, I didn't reply to his messages immediately or much. I didn't reply his calls because I was busy too. It's how things started. I was cautious and playing hard to get, but he stayed somewhere and didn't blew me off.
This time for the first time of my life I'm confused and I never felt this way, I also don't know whats wrong with me and why do I feel like this and do things I'd never done in my life with this guy which means: sending romantic messages, taking the initiative, just letting him now I care, not in so pushy and obsessive way. I play it cool as I can, I don't spam him several times a day and showing him that I'm pissed if he is busy. I don't contact to him the same second he comes online. I give him his space.

Yes, I think I'm unrealistic for the moment I might need someone to slap me in the face and put my feet back on the ground. I understand all what you said above. I'm gonna back off, sit down and think by myself for awhile what do I WANT, he is not important when it comes to that, when I figure this out I will sure see chill and see what is going on with me and him.

Yes, I can be naive for the moment and belive him when he says he is busy. I'm not defending anyone, but he does have 2 jobs lately. And it's not that we do not communicate at all, he replies to my IMs fast always letting me know that he is busy and apologizing for it. I think if he is really not that into me that he wouldn't be so fast at all and that he wouldn't make any communication at all. Call me naive by thinking like this. And one more thing, its not that this didn't happen before. We had time when we didn't communicate for days, either I didn't push or he didn't. Then when I ignored him several times he just kept asking me why am I like this and why he didn't hear for me for some time. I always told him that I was the one who was trying to make the contact but he didn't make any effort. In the end we did see each other and it was amazing and how its suposed to be when a guy treats women right. I'm not living in the clouds because I want to, I do it because he showed me and told me how he feels for me. I belived him because I could see it in his eyes. And you might think I'm making some exuses now for somekind of asshole. We will see, I did my best, time will show it. I showed him I like him, I told him that he asked me oh, really? You seriously like me the same way? I said yes. He also asked me about my boyfriend. WTF? I told him I don't have any. He thinks I've slept with many men, I told him I didn't. When I think about it, maybe he doesn't have trust in me too. I don't know why. I didn't know what to say when he asked/said someof these jelaous stuff to me. I just smiled. And said are you nuts? Thats not true.
I might of been cold and confused in this whole thing. I know it, but I did told him and showed him in a some way I care for him.