3 months ago I asked out a customer from work who I had instant chemistry with - something I've never done before. I don't think in theory our first couple of dates could have gone any better.
On the second, third, and fourth dates she held my hand - early on in the date. I'm a girly guy, and hand holding means a lot more to me than most guys. I didn't assume anything, but did fish a little bit later where we were at. Edit: She replied coy.
The second date I asked her to my college homecoming and after I told her that I hoped we'd go out again soon - but she said she tried to go out "every other guy, to keep things fun and casual". Third third date she asked me to her homecoming dance. So I waited two weeks to ask her out for a 4th.
On the 4th date we began to DTR but because it was our first double date we couldn't DTR because of the other couple in the car so we scheduled to talk about it the next day. She said that she was worried what would happen. Because our 2nd and 3rd date were each others college homecoming dances - she said she held hands more so we'd be comfortable the entire night. I told her how I felt about her meeting my all of my intellectual checklist - but feeling emotional distance and not really knowing if we were compatible because of that. She told me she felt that I was also marriage material to her, but that there was another guy who had recently come home from a 2 year church mission about the same time I met her. She wasn't pushing anything, said that she didn't love either of us, and needed time basically. I told her that I could respect that, if we wouldn't hold hands - but I didn't want to have to figure out whether she'd been on a date with him or someone else - if she wanted to, great. If not, fine. She agreed.
5th, 6th and 7th date I waited two weeks in between to ask her out, all went really well.
The 6th date, I once again brought up that I wasn't getting enough emotional affirmation and suggested a text here or there and such. Maybe I should have caught the red flag, that she suggested going out less - waiting longer periods of time. But I didn't.
The 7th date - still went well. But I finally asked her "Look, I really like you. And I'm willing to make this work. Are you ready to make this work?"
She paused. I unfortunately didn't let her respond, and said "I know there is this other guy..."
And she shortly explained that she had invested to much time/emotion into this other guy and needed to see where it would go. Said that she was really sorry, and that if we'd met earlier, maybe it would have been different. While I was talking, she timidly suggested that maybe we'll see each other around. I made it clear that I was cutting things off to do what's best for me (because I was emotionally drained, finding no motivation for much in life) and that it would be best for her and that I was supportive of that and wished the best for her. Although I did say that if things didn't work out I hoped she'd let me know even if it put me in a similar situation.
Two weeks later, I am totally and utterly depressed. I've deactivated my facebook and occasionally log on in to see if she's posted anything. Which she hasn't. Then deactivating again. I have found more motivation for the rest of my life, but at the end of the day I still think about her a lot. Wondering if she's thinking about me - and being sad that although I cut it off and maybe that'd make her want me, it hasn't yet.
I can't but help feel like nice guys really do finish last. I don't think I did anything wrong - and if I would have played it any differently, I would be playing the game of dating. I genuinely feel like she wasn't trying to lead me on and because of that I don't feel angry at her. Yet, the way things ended - I can't really move on because there's no reason to - just an unfortunate situation. This kid that got home from his mission probably hasn't figured life out yet - and even if he has - he probably isn't ready for commitment - and so while he's not trying to play hard to get - she's even more attached because of it.
I'm going on a date this weekend, and saw a girl in church last sunday that would be fun to ask out too. I know that eventually I'll move on, but I really don't want to.
So, did I play things wrong? What can I do to cope while not fostering anger that would lead me not to go back to her if she came back? Or is getting mad the healthy coping method? Should I play hard to get if she comes back? (I don't want to, but everyone seems to think so)
Fairly certain she's the one.