Dating My X, She Got Cold Feet

[AnnonymousMan]

Stop talking to her for christ sakes. She is a chick who does not know what she wants. A chick who does not have a sense of self and what she wants out of life is THE worst person in the world to want to be trying to form a decent relationship with. Let her cry and let her do it so you don't see it or hear it so that you get to the point of indifference to her and her boarderline personality issues.

STOP the insanity for gawds sales, dude.

You have obviously never heard the quote "If you cannot be with someone at their worst, what makes you think you deserve them at their best?"

She wants to open her own bakery and become a pastry chef. That is what she wants. She is just all over the place with me because of her flawed view of relationships. What advice do you give a person like that? Even if it is not for my sake, at least for hers or some poor guy she gets with in the future.

[Wakeup]

You have obviously never heard the quote "If you cannot be with someone at their worst, what makes you think you deserve them at their best?"

that does not apply in your case. That quote refers to mudane, banal things like how she looks in the morning vs how she looks when she's out on a special date with you. Or: When they're going through a temporary problem and need your support. It certainly does not apply to a woman who you have already broken up with who has stunted emotional progress and or ingrained psychological issues. You can't fix her and she makes a piss poor partner so stop being silly.

She wants to open her own bakery and become a pastry chef. That is what she wants. She is just all over the place with me because of her flawed view of relationships. What advice do you give a person like that? Even if it is not for my sake, at least for hers or some poor guy she gets with in the future.

I've already given it. STay away from people with emotional/sexual/psychological issues because you will not be able to change them. The sooner they get help for what ails them (through professional councelling or just plain time where they grow up and mature on their own) the better off they'll be. You and people like you keep enabling them to be who they are by caving to their immature emotional stuntage that plays on your "let me save you" thought process. Google "White Knight Syndrome" and read about that.

[AnnonymousMan]

Google "White Knight Syndrome" and read about that.

This is interesting indeed but I don't think it suits me lol. The steps for overcoming it are completely retarded also. I don't think I need any of that. Maybe I am just a really nice guy who doesn't realize when someone is beating him down.

[Wakeup]

That's not the definintion of a "nice guy" it's the definition of a doormat/martyr/codependent... choose one.

[AnnonymousMan]

That's not the definintion of a "nice guy" it's the definition of a doormat/martyr/codependent... choose one.

LOOOL! Well my name isn't Matt so I think I like the martyr option. Makes me sound angelic like some sort of holy being of power =D

You say you cannot change people with those issues, as if it is entirely on them to change. I get why everyone says to "Cut contact" but whatever happened to effort or actually trying? People go through relationships like they are on tap as there own selfishness and ego's empower there ridiculous rampage. People also get married and divorced so much that it is pathetic. Whatever happened to commitment? Society nowadays is over spoiled. I refuse to be one of those people that picks something up and puts it down 2 minutes later because of some retarded flaw that you cannot overlook or help to change. I understand nothing is forever but why quit when you still have fuel to exhaust on trying? It isn't that difficult for me, in my current situation, to refuel or move on without her. I am not heart broken or raging. I am actually level headed for once and I do not plan on playing games with her.

But i'll keep you guys posted once the dust settles and let you know of mine and hers outcome.

[Wakeup]

It's okay to try when the person has taken steps to improve on what made the two of you break up in the first place. This girl has pyche problems and shes gotten absolutely no help in trying to overcome them. Why does your ego keep telling you that you can fix this when nothing has changed?

Lots of people reconcile their marriages after separating because they've done something to change what caused the break up in the first place. Nothing has changed. She's still the twat she was yesterday.. she's just trying her crying on you now to see how that manipulates you.

Carry on.

[AnnonymousMan]

It's okay to try when the person has taken steps to improve on what made the two of you break up in the first place. This girl has pyche problems and shes gotten absolutely no help in trying to overcome them. Why does your ego keep telling you that you can fix this when nothing has changed?

Lots of people reconcile their marriages after separating because they've done something to change what caused the break up in the first place. Nothing has changed. She's still the twat she was yesterday.. she's just trying her crying on you now to see how that manipulates you.

Carry on.

LOL you actually take my situation and smack it with reality so I appreciate your honesty. I wouldn't say she has psyche problems though. For me, I spent the past 7 months rebuilding myself and analyzing those insecurities and issues that made me **** up in the first place. It is funny you mention that she hasn't changed because I believe you are right. She has changed in becoming more independent and self sufficient which I feel has changed her in a sense since she might think she doesn't want a relationship based upon her independence now. The question that still puzzles me is why she feels this huge need to be alone. It isn't just me, it is with any guy. I almost feel she has a flawed view of relationships in general. Her parents separated recently, after me that dude who used her broke her heart, so I feel this might be an underlying cause in which case I think me and her should talk about it. My intentions as of current are not to try and convince her of anything or to hope we can date again, I am just trying to be caring and help hear her out since I feel she keeps things bottled. I doubt her crying is a new ploy tactic though. If you knew her personally you would know that she wouldn't do that.

Her games are more of just an immature way of handling things I think. I am actually going to get a call from her today so I will bring all this shit up to her and get some sort of final answer since I am growing tired of dealing with this. I would just like to hear her speak some logic before I decide to cut the rope.

[Wakeup]

... Have fun!

[AnnonymousMan]

... Have fun!

If she plays games or doesn't speak sense then I will cut the rope. This topic ends today =P