Need a Parent/Older Person's Perspective...

[Time Stands Sti]

My parents always had very restrictive ideas about dating (basically they thought I shouldn't do it at all until I was an adult). So, in order to avoid the trouble of trying to convince them otherwise, I had to find ways to keep my boyfriend a secret when I was living with them. I managed to do that successfully all through high school - they have no clue he exists.

I went to college this year (I'm a freshman), and since I'm away from home, it's been much easier to spend more time with my boyfriend without having to skirt around my parents. My parents are paying part of my finances for college, which includes room and board...but the thing is, I'm hardly living in my dorm. I sleep over at my boyfriend's apartment most nights and spend free time during the day with him whenever he isn't working.

Well, he would like for me to live with him next semester. And I'd really like that. I think it would be good for my parents as well, because then my dorm is one less thing they have to pay for...but the thing is, I don't know what to tell them now. Or if I should tell them at all. I've also agreed to stay with him for part of break, so they'll be wondering where I am. My usual explanation for these kinds of things back in high school was that I was at some friend's house or something, but I don't think they'll buy it in this case.

I think I'm going to eventually have to let them know of his existence, but I'm not sure what to expect about their reactions to this. I don't know if the typical parent would have a problem with me not living with them or in a dorm, or if they'd have a problem with the age difference between us (he's 7 years older than me...I don't care about this, but I don't know about my parents). I feel like I'm being kind of abrupt about it.

Really, I'll probably be living with him whether they like it or not since it's what I want to do, but I'm dreading this awkward conversation with my parents and have no idea what to expect from it.

[searock]

If he's 7 years older than you and you were dating him in high school, that makes him kind of a pedophile... how old were you when you started dating?
I just can't imagine myself dating someone that young (I'm 23) :S.

To answer your question though - you are now an adult, are you not? So just tell them that you met him in college if you think they'll freak out and report him to the police or cut your college funds. They can't stop you from having a boyfriend now.

[surfhb]

Seriously girl? Your 18 and just starting school and you want to move in with your BF while your parents carry the bills? Everything changes when you move in together....everything!
Keep things as is I say.......Besides, your only motivation is wanted to be all lovey dovey with your BF in your new Home together....and dont deny it Concentrate on school.....Jeesh! You're 18 for Christs sakes

[AnnonymousMan]

How strict are your parents and how close of a relationship do you have with them? If you have a close relationship with them then you need to tell them and care for their opinion, just make sure they respect yours. If you are not close with them then tell them and don't care what they think. Living with a guy like that will make them wonder why you're moving so fast. If they knew you two had been together for a long time then it would make the situation more okay, except now if you tell them that you will look like you keep tons of secrets from them. Basically you dug yourself a nice little hole by keeping things from people. Stop keeping secrets like a 5 year old child and start telling people things. Not putting your business on blast but you need to care less about what people think to the point that you do not hide things.

[Time Stands Sti]

My relationship with them is not close, but not distant, either. I just don't want the worst case scenario - which would be if they stopped supporting me through school due to disagreement or anger or something.

And I couldn't tell them before because 1) they didn't allow it, and 2) he was older than they would have been comfortable with at that point, and that could have gotten bad for him.

[smackie9]

Just tell them you have a female friend that wants to share accommodations with you. There done.

[AnnonymousMan]

My relationship with them is not close, but not distant, either. I just don't want the worst case scenario - which would be if they stopped supporting me through school due to disagreement or anger or something.

And I couldn't tell them before because 1) they didn't allow it, and 2) he was older than they would have been comfortable with at that point, and that could have gotten bad for him.

Your parents have good intentions and guidance. Maybe listening to them instead of keeping secrets was a better option. But there isn't a point in worrying about that now considering you have already made your choice. The entire "not dating" thing is retarded though considering you are maturing into a woman and gaining some experience in the field of relationships would actually help you grow. They were just trying to protect you from older guys. But if this older guy you are with hasn't used and abused you by now he seems like a really decent guy and I think if your parents got to know him they might accept him.

[surfhb]

I just don't want the worst case scenario - which would be if they stopped supporting me through school due to disagreement or anger or something.

Well you better expect that. You rely on them at this point in your life....and thats ok. If you want to be an adult then take on school yourself and tell them whats up

[Boisdevie]

Then not letting you date is stupid but then I'm a pretty liberal kind of guy but even I would be a bit uncomfortable with the idea of my 17 year old daughter dating a guy 7 years older than her. Your parents are strict which means however you tell them they will go batshit crazy I'm sure. They'll probably threaten to pull the plug on your finances unless you dump him. They might even threaten to get the police involved since at some stage he was dating a minor - depends on how loony the parents are.
Bottom line is this. Whilst your parents are paying for you then you have to obey their rules regardless of how unfair/blind/stupid they are. As soon as you pay for yourself then you can effectively ignore them.
It's not going to go well.

[Wakeup]

I just don't want the worst case scenario - which would be if they stopped supporting me through school due to disagreement or anger or something.

Wow!

Since your boyfriend wants you to live with him and he is 7 years older than you then perhaps HE should take over the expenses of raising you? Tell your parents and let the chips fall where they may. Any further lying and you're just going to dig yourself in further and further.. that or don't move in with him until you're finished school and he marries you. You're at least 18 now.. How "adult" do your parents expect you to be before they'd consider you old enough to date?

[searock]

Why am I the only one freaked out at the idea of a 22 years old man dating a 15 years old child? If I were her parents, I'd be SO pissed off when I found out.

OP, you can either keep acting like a teenager, lying to them and tell them you are moving in with a guy you met in college, or you can tell them the truth and face all the possible consequences, like an adult. Or you can, you know, wait until you're not a teenager anymore, before moving in with a guy. What's the rush?

[Wakeup]

I'm disturbed by it as well but its in the past now, water under the bridge as they say. I'm more disturbed at her sense of intitlement, her lying and her listening to this svengali she's currently with who is encouraging her to take her parents for a ride. Ungrateful, lying little snipe she's being actually.

[searock]

Well it also depends on what kind of persons her parents are... if she knew for a fact that they would have reported her boyfriend to the police when he was younger, I can understand why she wouldn't tell them about him. But now? She has no reason at all to keep lying. If she's afraid that they will still report him to the police for what he did when she was underage, she can just tell them that she met him this year, in college. So there's a non-existent problem, considering she evidently doesn't mind lying to her parents.

I think she doesn't want to face the consequences of her actions. She doesn't want to tell them about him because she's afraid they'll cut the money flow. So instead of finding an honest alternative (facing the possible consequence and telling them the truth, OR avoiding moving in with this guy when she's still a kid), she wants to continue lying. It's her choice. I just don't get why she's making a big deal out of it, she's been doing it for years after all.

[Wakeup]

Well it also depends on what kind of persons her parents are... if she knew for a fact that they would have reported her boyfriend to the police when he was younger, I can understand why she wouldn't tell them about him. But now? She has no reason at all to keep lying. If she's afraid that they will still report him to the police for what he did when she was underage, she can just tell them that she met him this year, in college. So there's a non-existent problem, considering she evidently doesn't mind lying to her parents.

I think she doesn't want to face the consequences of her actions. She doesn't want to tell them about him because she's afraid they'll cut the money flow. So instead of finding an honest alternative (facing the possible consequence and telling them the truth, OR avoiding moving in with this guy when she's still a kid), she wants to continue lying. It's her choice. I just don't get why she's making a big deal out of it, she's been doing it for years after all.

It's about the money. She wants them to support her while she does things that are against their rules. He encourages her to go agains them without takign responsibility for her. Everything you say is evident.

[searock]

Must be one of my Captain Obvious days ;-).