Boyfriend's Exes

[Armadeus]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and before we got together, he told me about his previous experiences with his exes. I know he doesn't love them any more, I don't fear that he'll try to get with them again at all, but recently it's been on my mind. He considers himself a virgin, and I am a virgin. I respect that he considers himself a virgin, and yesterday we spoke about it because it'd been niggling at my mind. He often did other sexual acts with them, and got to within a hair's breadth of having sex with one, however he never touched them downstairs, but they did touch him. I don't want to talk to him about it any more because it's upsetting for him, but it's still on my mind. He's my first boyfriend, I'm his first boyfriend, I've never loved anyone the way I love him, but I just can't figure out how to deal with these horrible feelings, is it normal to be upset about this sort of thing? He'd broken up with the last one about a year before we even met, yet the thought still hurts that others have done things with him in an intimate way.

Sorry if this seems like a childish problem, I just don't know who to turn to, I really don't want to bring this up with him again because I know it's upsetting for him and difficult to talk about.

[searock]

Why is it a problem if he had other sexual experiences before those with you? Sexuality is a huge part in any romantic relationship, it's strange enough that he's still a virgin. What matters is who he is now, not what he did in the past. If the ex's are out of the picture and he isn't still hung up on any of them, who cares what he did with them ages ago? As long as he loves you and treats you with respect, just enjoy what you have.

You sound very young BTW - how old are you? If you'e 18 or older, why haven't you two had sex yet? It's a lot of fun and it brings two people even closer... you should try it. It would also help you put things in perspective.

[Armadeus]

It's not a problem as such, it's just on my mind every so often. It doesn't come between us and doesn't affect me often, but when it does, it hurts a lot. As I said before, I know it's normal for any romantic relationship to involve sex, but it just hurts when I think of it.

I'm 18. The reason we haven't shared romance with each other yet is because we're in a long distance relationship. We've got a holiday booked over Valentine's day for two weeks where we can finally make our relationship physical.

I did a little research while waiting for a reply and apparently I'm suffering retroactive jealousy in a mild form which is a common mental compulsion disorder. Luckily it's nothing too severe, and now I've identified it, I can work on it. I took the step and spoke to him about it an hour or so ago. He was understanding and really supportive. That in itself has calmed me and brought me to ease by a great deal.

Thank you for your input, it's greatly appreciated.

[AnnonymousMan]

Sorry if this seems like a childish problem, I just don't know who to turn to, I really don't want to bring this up with him again because I know it's upsetting for him and difficult to talk about.

lol I use to have this issue actually. But look, try to understand that even if you **** 10 different guys, every person is a "new" person and therefore should be treated as "new". Sex will never be new again but the person always is which is where the true experience matters. By ****ing 10 guys you only gain experience. You do not by any means strip them of anything. Your boyfriend hasn't been stripped of anything nor does even losing your virginity strip you of anything. You cannot lose your virginity because there isn't anything for you to lose nor the other person to take. It is simply an act. People put entirely to much hype on virginity. Your boyfriend probably doesn't even think about these other people anymore and you talking to him about it only reminds him so quit. Do not by any means pursue further details or you will only create a monster in your head. If he was stupid enough to spill details without you even asking then I would personally consider that rude since these other people do not even matter anymore and his sexual past and exes should be buried or for his own mind only to reflect on. Not for him to share with you when you are what matters now. Just try to remember that sex always brings about a new meaning every time it is performed and is subject to change. No 2 sex acts are the same. The emotions or reasons behind doing it change frequently. Sex does not create some fictional bond between you two that only you two share. It can however strengthen the emotional bond between you two regardless of how many other people you ****. The only downside is that he may be more sexually experienced than you and therefore you might come off as inexperienced which is a minus since you are not at his level in the game. If you would like resources on dealing with these issues or a more in depth explanation then message me personally. NEXT!