Need a Parent/Older Person's Perspective...

[smackie9]

Time Stands Sti you obviously don't listen to adults, so coming here asking for adult/parental advice is a bit of an oxymoron. I know you will choose for yourself so I'm just going to give you some guidance and whatever you do you will do because it's your life. When planning for your future, you need to have a plan B and C. Nothing will stay on course as you plan, things go wrong, there will be set backs, different opportunities, priorities and goals will change, etc. # 1 Rule plan for the worst, that's where plan B and c come in, you need to be prepared to handle matters on your own. There is no going to mommy and daddy or your BF for help. If you want to be your own person, you have to learn to take care of yourself. Here are some scenarios that you should be looking at ....your parents cut off finances, your BF breaks up with you or you find out he is cheating, you now have no place to live, your parents don't help you out of your situation, you get pregnant.....honestly what will you do if you found yourself in any of these situations? This is what we as adults have to do, to be able to handle things on our own.

What I'm saying is, don't ever expect things to stay the way they are. What everyone has pointed out to you is pretty solid advice, giving you choices so you can keep this relationship. Your parents worked hard to provide you with an education, that most can't afford and never will ever have. Your parents want you to be able to take care of yourself, and not have to ever depend on a man or them for support. This is a gift from their heart, to make sure you will never have to ever need or want. Now here you are cheating them financially, taking all this for grated, trying to figure out a way to cheat them more all because of this BF of yours.

IMO, you are best to keep your place, this is a plan B, just in case things go bad or end with your BF. Plan C, instead of spending all your time at your BF's, get yourself a part time job and stash the money away for say tuition when your parents cut you off. Even if it doesn't happen, you will have that money for later for a trip, new car, a down payment on an apartment, etc.

[Wakeup]

Must be one of my Captain Obvious days ;-).

that made me chuckle :o)

[IndiReloaded]

Stop relying on other people to support you, Child.

[Rohitpatil]

Hi,
I read your first post about ur problem and your intention to shift with BF in his flat.There are advantages as well as disadvantages and it is debatable issue whether you should move in his place or not. Following are shortcomings if u move now with him
1) U will not be living in Dorm and hence u will get disconnected with all kind of fun a hostel offers.
2) U will also be disconnected from so many other friends which are also imp. in life just rather than a BF
3) U will not get advantage of Group study, and you will be most of the time away even from your curricullum activities. As ur BF is not ur classamate, u may be satnding alone most of the times in your classroom activities
4) Only thing u will get being ur BF apartment is, u will be able to know him better as human being and shall be able to spend a quality time iwth him. Which you are already enjoying.
5) If you are in his flat, he may take u granted. You are in the early stage of life, if u had fight with him and want to leave his flat midnight, where you will go in that embarassing situation. it may lead to depression and taking u to some wrong path. better to have ur own dorm. It is urs.
6) It is not advisable at this stage of life to leave the dorm and shift with ur BF. what advisable is enjoy ur relationship with ur BF, occasionally be with him in his flat, enjoy the breeze of romance and also aquire a education which will help you to be a responsible humanbeing in the future.

Trust the above clarifies.

Rohit

[Time Stands Sti]

Stop relying on other people to support you, Child.

How many 18 year old college freshmen do you know who are able to support themselves already? Probably not many, which is why I do not comprehend that putdown. Are you expecting me to apologize for taking help that is offered to me? Or for not being 30?

I didn't read everything, but a lot of you seem to think that I don't deserve to have any financial support through college just because I want to live with my boyfriend. It's not like I'm exploiting my parents for drug money - I just would like to continue to pursue my degree. That is all. Sorry if you think that's wrong, just because of my living arrangements. I do not comprehend that mindset, but thanks for the input anyway, since that's what I asked for. I sure hope my parents don't react in the same way, but even if they do, I think I'll be alright.

And I wasn't lying to them for the sake of lying. I kept my boyfriend's existence a secret for both of our protection, not just for sh*ts and giggles.

[smackie9]

Protection from what?

[Time Stands Sti]

Protection from what?

The wrath of paranoid overprotective parents who would have thought the worst of him (and probably would have tried to get him into trouble), and would have grounded me for years.

Not telling them was just convenient.

[smackie9]

I don't know what the big deal is...you are not a kid anymore so why don't you just tell them about it all?

[searock]

The wrath of paranoid overprotective parents who would have thought the worst of him (and probably would have tried to get him into trouble), and would have grounded me for years.

Not telling them was just convenient.

The fact is, they had all the right to report him to the police. He was an adult, who was having sex with a minor. I'm pretty sure that's illegal pretty much everywhere, especially if you were under 16 at the time it started.

Now you are (supposed to be) an adult, so if you want to move in with your boyfriend and lack the maturity to face the consequences of your actions (i.e. tell them the truth, even if it means risking your current financial situation), just tell them that you met him in college. Why not?

[smackie9]

That shouldn't be a problem, the problem would be her living with him.

[Time Stands Sti]

I don't know what the big deal is...you are not a kid anymore so why don't you just tell them about it all?

I am. I just hope they react reasonably (unlike some people on here...).

[smackie9]

They know your history, your parents don't.

[searock]

That shouldn't be a problem, the problem would be her living with him.

Well I don't think her parents would be happy to find out that their underage teenaged daughter had a sexual relationship with a guy 7 years older than her... AND that she now wants to move in with this guy.

On the other hand, if she tells them that she met him in college and wants to move in with him, they can grumble and not agree perhaps, but at least they won't be quite as upset... and they won't have anything to report to the police.

[IndiReloaded]

How many 18 year old college freshmen do you know who are able to support themselves already? Probably not many, which is why I do not comprehend that putdown. Are you expecting me to apologize for taking help that is offered to me? Or for not being 30?

I didn't read everything, but a lot of you seem to think that I don't deserve to have any financial support through college just because I want to live with my boyfriend. It's not like I'm exploiting my parents for drug money - I just would like to continue to pursue my degree. That is all. Sorry if you think that's wrong, just because of my living arrangements. I do not comprehend that mindset, but thanks for the input anyway, since that's what I asked for. I sure hope my parents don't react in the same way, but even if they do, I think I'll be alright.

And I wasn't lying to them for the sake of lying. I kept my boyfriend's existence a secret for both of our protection, not just for sh*ts and giggles.

Its not the fact you are being supported by your parents that is the problem. Its that they *are* supporting you, so they *should* have some say in your welfare. You are basically parasitizing them and wanting to be treated like an adult, but without the responsibility of being one. Hiding your BF from them all this time is not being an adult, btw. Same goes for your BF. I question the fact he hasn't met your parents after all this time.


Why don't you have your BF get on here and have him post his thoughts on the situation. Its anonymous. There is a range of ages and experience on here, including parents. I'd be really curious to know what he thinks.

Something is very off about your situation.

[Time Stands Sti]

They know your history, your parents don't.

My parents are a bit nuts, though. I don't often get into any trouble or do anything wrong, but when I make minor mistakes (such as coming home at 9:20 instead of 9:00), they're punished in a major way (I was grounded for literally 2 years. This happened in middle school, and I regained the ability to go out in high school).
So really, my history has nothing to do with their reaction most of the time. Remembering that about them, any hope of a reasonable reaction is out the window. But thanks.