Need a Parent/Older Person's Perspective...

[IndiReloaded]

On the other hand, if she tells them that she met him in college and wants to move in with him, they can grumble and not agree perhaps, but at least they won't be quite as upset... and they won't have anything to report to the police.

Why are you encouraging her to lie? I haven't read anything in her posts that suggest her parents are anything other than supportive and reasonable. The issue is with her and her BF, not them. In fact, I'd bet they already know about this guy or at least suspect. They can't be that dumb.

[searock]

Why are you encouraging her to lie? I haven't read anything in her posts that suggest her parents are anything other than supportive and reasonable. The issue is with her and her BF, not them. In fact, I'd bet they already know about this guy or at least suspect. They can't be that dumb.

Exactly - I too think that the parents have known for a very long time that she was having a relationship that she wanted to keep a secret.

I am encouraging her to lie not because I think it's the right thing to do, but in an attempt to make her realize that she is worrying for the wrong reasons... she has been lying up till now, so why all of a sudden has it become a problem? If she wants to keep acting like a little kid who lies to her parents, so be it. She will have to pay the consequences sooner or later.

Obviously the right thing to do would be to tell the complete truth. In order to do so, she should be mature enough to be able to face the consequences of her actions, which includes being able to support herself financially - what you guys have been telling her. I don't think she is ready, I think she needs to learn the hard way.

[smackie9]

My parents are a bit nuts, though. I don't often get into any trouble or do anything wrong, but when I make minor mistakes (such as coming home at 9:20 instead of 9:00), they're punished in a major way (I was grounded for literally 2 years. This happened in middle school, and I regained the ability to go out in high school).
So really, my history has nothing to do with their reaction most of the time. Remembering that about them, any hope of a reasonable reaction is out the window. But thanks.

History I meant your relationship with your BF.

[Time Stands Sti]

Its not the fact you are being supported by your parents that is the problem. Its that they *are* supporting you, so they *should* have some say in your welfare. You are basically parasitizing them and wanting to be treated like an adult, but without the responsibility of being one. Hiding your BF from them all this time is not being an adult, btw. Same goes for your BF. I question the fact he hasn't met your parents after all this time.


Why don't you have your BF get on here and have him post his thoughts on the situation. Its anonymous. There is a range of ages and experience on here, including parents. I'd be really curious to know what he thinks.

Something is very off about your situation.

Well, if they want to stop supporting me, that's their call. I'll survive.

And he never really cared for my parents. He doesn't even care about his own parents (but with good reason - they're bad people), so he never put emphasis on parents and family and stuff. So I already know he will not care if my parents are mad at me.

[searock]

Ok then, tell them everything. Let us know how it goes, I'm really curious.

[smackie9]

Wow so your children will be born to parents that dislike their own parents, how sad.

[surfhb]

Well, if they want to stop supporting me, that's their call. I'll survive.

And he never really cared for my parents. He doesn't even care about his own parents (but with good reason - they're bad people), so he never put emphasis on parents and family and stuff. So I already know he will not care if my parents are mad at me.

Then you have nothing to worry about since you don't care what happens?

You asked for mature opinions and mine is that you will be a completely different person in the next 5-7 years.....use this time wisely because you are a very fortunate young woman. Moving in with a guy at this age is not the wisest choice. Save this settle down bs for when your older, have your degree and more mature.

As it stands right now.....youre Basically acting like some 18 year old girl who been given everything in life without any regard for what her decisions might bring. oops! Sorry forgot

Good luck

[Wakeup]

OP you should have given yourself the screen name: Meadow Soprano. (you sound much like that character

Well, if they want to stop supporting me, that's their call. I'll survive.

Then why tell us you're afraid they'll cut you off if you tell them the truth? False bravado isn't going to help you in the least so why not comment on some of the advice that resonates with you instead? Do you honestly still think that moving in with this man is in your best interests now that you've gotten replies from Parents and some of us "older persons?"

And he never really cared for my parents.

Don't let some man who has been influencing you since before you were old enough to drive. Your parents may have been strict but I'm thinking that they may have been that way due to your apparent rebellious streak and due to the fact you were only a child when they didn't want you to date. You'll be a mother one day and you'll understand what its like to worry and to do what you think is best to keep your kid safe and to grow up with a decent sense of self-worth, confidence and the ability to fend for yourself.

He doesn't even care about his own parents (but with good reason - they're bad people), so he never put emphasis on parents and family and stuff. So I already know he will not care if my parents are mad at me.

As I said, don't cut yourself off from your own family and support system just because he's had a dysfunctional relationship with his own parents.

[IndiReloaded]

Don't let some man who has been influencing you since before you were old enough to drive.

As I said, don't cut yourself off from your own family and support system just because he's had a dysfunctional relationship with his own parents.

Agree. This man has too much influence on you. Not sure if you know this, but people from abusive homes are often abusers themselves. I'm not necessarily meaning physical abuse. Emotional abuse is just as horrific. Did you know that *isolating their partners* is a hallmark of an abusive relationship? This man, your BF, is well on the way to doing this, even if you are letting him.

Your parents are *supporting you* to better your life through education. They are NOT bad people. You are taking for granted those who love you. Of course he doesn't like your parents. He knows they would be *justifiably* concerned about your relationship with him.

Maybe your BF isn't a bad guy. But its never a good idea to isolate yourself from your family, no matter how great you think your partner is. A loving partner would never expect this from you. Open your eyes. Beware.

[HeartIsAching]

How many 18 year old college freshmen do you know who are able to support themselves already? Probably not many, which is why I do not comprehend that putdown. Are you expecting me to apologize for taking help that is offered to me? Or for not being 30?

That wasn't a put-down, sweetie. That was a clear communication. If you expect to be treated as an adult, then act like one. If you want to continue accepting the financial aid your parents offer, then you need to respect their wishes.

It does suck - they ARE unreasonable... but then you've not shown good judgement, have you?

[surfhb]

To add.....most GOOD parents are unreasonable. Mine were and I certainly know my son feels the same way about me sometimes. What offends me is the fact you stated on the 2nd page of this thread that you hope your parents are more reasonable about All this then we seem to be. Do you have any idea what thAt statement says about your maturity level in this situation?

Youre a 18 year old collage girl who's parents are paying the bills....act like one! You certainly don't sound like you're ready for the big leagues.....I certainly wasn't when i was your Age... What reason do you believe you are?

Oh....BTW.....when you tell your parents you're moving in with a man who's 7 years older, they've never met and has been dating you since you were just past puberty.....they're gonna fuccking Flip!! LOL Enjoy !!

[searock]

Oh....BTW.....when you tell your parents you're moving in with a man who's 7 years older, they've never met and has been dating you since you were just past puberty.....they're gonna fuccking Flip!! LOL Enjoy !!

Haha, yeah I really want to see how it ends!