Should I give him another chance?

[homefry]

I know it is wrong to snoop, but I had this gut feeling something was going on. Come to find my bf messaging and chatting with another girl via Fb, text and calls. There was a few flirty messages all from him that were red flags to me, such included would love to see you again, what's up good looking. There was nothing sexual. But, I, of course, was still furious. I waited a couple of weeks and then passively confronted him if he had any secrets he was keeping from me and if he was interested in seeing other people. He said there are none and didn't want to see other people. He had mentioned this girl to me in the past, so I asked if anything was going on there. He said she's just an old high school friend he recently reconnected with and grabbed coffee once.

Stupid me, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then come to find, he continued his communication with her. At times, asking to hang out. However, she never seemed to be free due to work. I finally couldn't take it anymore during Thanksgiving break and told him I snooped and saw his communications with her. He didn't deny it but insisted she means nothing to him and have no feelings or interest for her. He continued to say he felt like he wasn't making me happy and made the stupid mistake in rather talking to me about it decided to befriend a new friend that knew nothing about him. He admitted he befriended her on Fb, met up only once for coffee, occasionally messaged her and wasn't sure how I was going to react with him making a new friend that's a girl so he kept it from me. He feels horrible, knows what he did wrong, has defriended her on Fb, deleted her contact information on his phone and even cried (he never cries). He promises he will never communicate with her, to always tell me the truth, never do this again and understands why I snooped. He pleads for another chance and completely owes up to his mistake. I obmit I have been questioning and hounding him since, which I admit is hard to take. But he, for the most part, has been cooperative, answering my questions, saying he's sorry, saying he'll be the best bf going forward.*
Should I give him another chance? Would you?

[Maple1714]

Can you forgive him? Can you forget about it and never wonder again if he might be communicating with someone else? What he did isn't really a huge deal, but it did break trust. Trust is hard to get back. If you can be sure you can forgive him and not continue to snoop then give it another try. If you can't really forget about it and it will always bother you, then break things off. Sounds like he was curious what else was out there. Maybe he should go see...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sounds like you have already decided to give him another chance. That means you need to stop hounding him. If you can't stop hounding him, then you need to break up.



Oh yeah. He probably ****ed her too.

[homefry]

One thing I know for sure, they didn't ****.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How do you know for sure?

[homefry]

That's another issue... He's having issuses in that department. That's why he thinks I'm not happy.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

How old are you two? Have you gained weight recently(sorry, gotta cover all bases)? Why don't you just be friends since he can't **** you anyway?

[Maple1714]

That's another issue... He's having issuses in that department. That's why he thinks I'm not happy.

I was dating and living with someone a while back and he went home to another state for his cousins funeral. He told me he wasn't going to contact his ex...I was all worried b/c I knew there was unfinished feelings there. I had asked him is he had seen her yet and he said no. Anyway, I snooped in his email and she sent him a message saying how great it was to see him and spend time with him and that he had the most beautiful eyes still...ugh. I called him up right then (he was still out of town) and told him he needed to find a new place to live, etc. He started crying and saying nothing happened blah blah. His sister called me and said nothing happened...blah blah. Who knows what really happened. I broke up with him and he moved out. Trust was gone. He went back home a few months later and they had sex.

Your guy is wandering...balls in your court.

[homefry]

We're in our late twenties. I haven't gained any weight, in fact have lost weight. We've only be dating for a year. He recently went to the doctor. The doctor said it's common and due to stress. I suggested the friends route a long time ago and many, many times. He insisted he wants more. I've met lots of this friends and all his family in the states. But, of course, we both agreed if it doesn't work in the bedroom it will never work out.

[Maple1714]

We're in our late twenties. I haven't gained any weight, in fact have lost weight. We've only be dating for a year. He recently went to the doctor. The doctor said it's common and due to stress. I suggested the friends route a long time ago and many, many times. He insisted he wants more. I've met lots of this friends and all his family in the states. But, of course, we both agreed if it doesn't work in the bedroom it will never work out.

I think you should break up with him. I don't think its common for a guy in his late 20's to have penis issues is it? In my experience, the only time a young man's penis doesn't work is when he is using drugs...does your BF take adderol?

[homefry]

I was dating and living with someone a while back and he went home to another state for his cousins funeral. He told me he wasn't going to contact his ex...I was all worried b/c I knew there was unfinished feelings there. I had asked him is he had seen her yet and he said no. Anyway, I snooped in his email and she sent him a message saying how great it was to see him and spend time with him and that he had the most beautiful eyes still...ugh. I called him up right then (he was still out of town) and told him he needed to find a new place to live, etc. He started crying and saying nothing happened blah blah. His sister called me and said nothing happened...blah blah. Who knows what really happened. I broke up with him and he moved out. Trust was gone. He went back home a few months later and they had sex.

Your guy is wandering...balls in your court.

How did you find our they had sex?

[homefry]

I think you should break up with him. I don't think its common for a guy in his late 20's to have penis issues is it? In my experience, the only time a young man's penis doesn't work is when he is using drugs...does your BF take adderol?

I know for sure he's not doing drugs. He's in the military, so they get random drug test all the time.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell him that if he can't get his dick hard, then you're just friends anyway.

[Maple1714]

How did you find our they had sex?

A mutual friend of ours told me. He actually went home again for another funeral...rough year. (Very hard year and he is still struggling with all the loss, me, his cousin, 2 best friends....very sad. He actually wanted to meet up last night and I declined). So yeah, he went back to NY again and they had sex that time...they prob. had sex the time when we were still together, but not sure. Cheating to me isn't about a physical act...it's about a betrayal of trust.

[homefry]

Tell him that if he can't get his dick hard, then you're just friends anyway.

He can get it hard, it's more the issue of keeping it. But I hear ya.