I've been sad and depressed for about a month now. Just stuff piling up and just recently it's been slowly coming together and I feel a little better. However I have been keeping a secret for three years. A secret that I think will protect my family from breaking up. However recently, the thought of that secret has not brought me to water eyes but tears.
Now I have been keeping my stress and tears as well as seeing my therapist a secret because he's busy. He's so busy it's a little annoying but it's fine because it's work and family. It's important.
I have pretty much bottled it up away from him and even started to doubt our relationship. We have fun and we cuddle...but I feel like emotionally he's not as into it as me.
I dont want to be in a relationship where to me it's prominent that I am the one more emotionally invested. I'm scared to like him more and so i'm contemplating with the idea of just shutting down my emotions. It's hard work but i've done it before. (don't bash me for this okay, it's my own self defense mechanism)
I like him so much, just so so into him (not love) and we have a great time together.
Whats bothering me is that I've been trying to tell him my problems but I never explicitly said I have problems. I have dropped "hints". (which are sms that says 'i'm stressed' 'my brain feels swollen' 'i'm just so tired and I need a hug')
Last night I was texting him that I wanted to talk because i've been trying for the past three days. the first day he was tired, saw my text, got lazy cuz he was high and went to bed. The second day he had a pinching headache so i backed off the important subjects since he says 'let's talk tomorrow.' and yesterday he just went to bed.
he's a really nice guy and he's sweet but I feel like he doesn't care as much as I do. He misses me but I don't think he cares enough.
Today i told him that 'since he's so busy and tired i'm just going to give up because i'm starting to think telling him is a bad idea anyways.'
he didn't push for it, he just accepted it and then afterwards told me how horny he was. Im still sad over my secret but i'm more sad now that I feel like he doesn't care. He's busy i understand. I totally understand but how busy can you be when you can't even ask your girlfriend (through text I might remind you all) what she wants to tell you. I've told him i've been crying the whole month and it's not about him. Just because it's not about him doesn't mean he shouldn't worry!
I like him so much but I will not stand for it if he doesn't care.
what's probably worse is that we used to be fwb, but i left so i could date which is why we didn't see each other for 2 months. I attempted to talk to him in a friendly manner but he said that 'honestly I was hoping this was a booty call.' having that in my mind does that give me reasonable doubt? He says he'd 'like to take me out and treat me' but honestly, ....it means almost nothing to me with his summer statment still ringing in my head.
we are both in our twenties and live 100 miles apart.